Master doc that contains different resources and support for many countries including Palestine, Congo, Haiti, Hawai’i, etc ((op is underneath the link))

[ID: Tweet by Nanu's eyebrows 🇹🇹❤️🔱… @ Seaweedlagoon which reads: "I'd appreciate if you guys would spread around my master document that not only contains support for Palestine but other countries as well, I'm updating it with resources for Puerto Rico, Lebanon and Trinidad and Tobago tomorrow!" With a link to the above doc/End ID]

know what? am actually gonna pin this. this is too good

Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

(and the prev tags)

#Pride and prejudice#fuuuuuuuck#Yeah you both kinda stupid#I forgot some shit don’t hate me#Also yes I forgot Mary but I’m gonna say Darcy did too just to cover my ass

…Yeah. That’s just about it, isn’t it?

(And then she nukes him from orbit. Which, despite the absolutely correct summing-up of the background, is still deeply satisfying.) 😏

Most of my lack of sympathy for Darcy in this situation is that Lizzie initially does manage to keep her shit together enough to think "I should be nice" about turning down this bolt from the blue proposal. Before he really unzips and starts taking a piss on her entire family, she feels genuinely bad because she's about to hurt his feelings.

Like, she hasn't done anything to make him think she's actually interested, and critically, neither has he. Our man appears to have come to the conclusion that he can't beat this out of his system and is just going to have to bite the bullet about thirty minutes before he goes to propose. Even by the atrophied standards of the day, there has been precious little that might suggest courtship beforehand.

Mr. Collins*, whose matrimonial hamhandedness had him basically going down the line from sister to sister to their faces like it was a fucking speed dating meet-up, at least gave everyone a heads up and said, "Hey, I think the right thing to do here would be to try and make a match in-house, and I'm coming down to shoot my shot." When he got with Charlotte, it was after a short acquaintance, but he made it plain that he was looking for a wife.

So Lizzie has zero chance to deflect or decline Darcy's attentions in a way that's going to spare him embarrassment entirely. Like that man just marched in (?), announced he was in love with her (???), and gave the most dogshit proposal in recorded human history (?!?!). Even after she's genuinely mad at him for reading her whole family for filth and acting like he's history's biggest martyr for falling in love with her (her! of all people!), she still manages to be like "Oh, wow. I'm... flattered. But no, thank you. Sorry for your life. Sounds like this whole thing shouldn't last too long, though! You don't sound too happy about any of this!"

And then Darcy pitches a hissy! ("And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting! I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why, with so little endeavour at civility, I am thus rejected. But it is of small importance.")

And that's when Lizzie spends like an entire page nuking him from orbit. That man had an opportunity to be like "Pack it in, boys, we've made a social blunder." and instead decided to pretend he didn't just spend fifteen minutes acting like God's poorest meow meow for trying and failing to fall out of love with the woman standing in front of him.

I mean, whomst among us hasn't immediately shot ourselves in the other foot instead of putting the safety on, but hard yikes, man. I don't think you spent as much time actually thinking about stuff as you think you did, Darcy! I think you might have just been stewing on it instead!

He doesn't actually calm down enough to be like "Fuck. Fuck, why did I say that. Fuck my stupid brain and fuck my stupid life." for like. Weeks.

*Who also fucking forgot Mary, who'd have been at least on paper a very suitable wife for a clergyman.

If you live in the USA and you're pleading for donations to pay your rent, bills, or get food then dial 211! Please dial 211 before the last minute!

It's a toll free service with people who will help you find programs in your community to pay those bills, find food, and find housing! They will give you numbers to call so you can get help.

It is not 100% foolproof. Their job is to direct you to a program they believe will help your current issue, but it's still a step up from praying random strangers online will give you enough cash before a deadline! The added benefit of these community programs, which get funded by the local government most of the time, is if there are more people using them then they can get more money to help more people.

You're not taking resources from other people if you use your community services. Your taxes pay for them. Use them.

Dial 211 first to see if they can help, and if for some reason they can't, then make your donation posts!

https://www.211.org/

Hi I work for my state's 211 service. It really breaks my heart how many people only know to call us at the last minute. 211's can provide a whole wealth of resources to use before things ever get to a cut off utility, eviction, or homelessness!

I can't speak for all 211's but most should also have a website detailing all the agencies in their database. if you don't like phone calls, this can be something to reference instead.

If you don't have health insurance but you need to see a doctor, reference 211! We list clinics that provide free or discounted general care, vision, and dental services to low income households and people without insurance! Many hospitals also have financial aid policies that can severely reduce your bill if you had an expensive procedure!

If you're stuck in a dead end job or need educational resources reference 211! There are a lot of programs focused on providing basic adult education as well as trade skills or other high demand fields! State governments are generally more interested in funneling people into work than providing benefits, but you can still use this to your advantage especially if you have some form of disability but are still able to work. That includes if you're neurodiverse or have mental health issues! Most of these programs are extremely underutilized.

If you believe you qualify for public benefits but the bureaucracy of the process is in your way, reference 211! There are agencies specifically geared towards helping people obtain the benefits they qualify for- for free!

If you need help with your taxes-

If you need help finding a pro bono lawyer-

If you need help finding affordable housing/section 8 housing-

If you need help finding food pantries-

If you need help paying for your prescriptions-

If you need help obtaining disability aids or assistive technology-

If you need help finding transportation options-

If you need help following a natural or personal disaster (like a home fire)-

If you need help repairing a home you or your family owns or it needs modifications to be accessible-

If you need Queer resources-

Reference your 211!!!!!

I had no idea what 211 was before working for it but I wish I had. I've learned so much about what resources are actually available to the community even in a ho hum area of the country like my state. I've saved my partner literally thousands of dollars just from the medical resources I've gathered.

Not enough young people know about or utilize these services but they are there for you!

P. S.

This isn't an intended use of 211, but I like to reference the agency listings when I look for jobs. Many of the agencies listed are non-profits which, while they certainly are not perfect, generally have lower barriers of entry to decent paying jobs with benefits. The work environments tend to be much kinder and at least pretend to be forward thinking. You're more likely to find jobs without as many people applying as well, especially if they're only advertising their positions through their own website.

This guy, a J6er who lost his bid for a U.S. House seat in West Virginia of all places, is a total idiot.

...As is anyone who believes that products in the U.S. aren't impacted by tariffs either directly or after companies hike their prices because they no longer have more affordable competitors.

Reblog for greater sample size.

We have 24 hours to make this the most voted on poll in Tumblr history

I think so many people forget making the world a better place isn’t just about having all the ‘correct’ sociopolitical opinions and beliefs and knowing all the theory it’s also hugely about actually being a good person… everyday acts of kindness and empathy, going out of your way to help others, small moments of connection in a cold world, loving thy neighbour all that

happy stimming

I like going back to look for this sometimes because nothing has encapsulated this feeling as well as this adorable and joyous little comic 🥰

hey just for the record, if you’re on r/ao3 and keep running into these kinds of comments on bookmark related posts — it’s not a good take. calling someone’s writing “slop” and saying it deserves criticism for being bad BECAUSE it’s posted publicly might seem like a nuanced take, but I promise it isn’t.

yes, sometimes us writers get a little too obsessed over a cryptic comment or bookmark; no, that doesn’t actually mean the solution is to say whatever you want in them because authors “deserve” your honesty. 

I know we’re in a touchy time for readers and writers, but comments like these are NOT kind, refreshing, or nuanced. they’re just kind of mean and discouraging.

also, this analogy falls completely apart, because a writer on AO3 is not a paid colleague of yours. there was no mandatory meeting that the cake was served at, or a free cake offered in the break room. even then, politeness would dictate that you'd maybe talk shit about the cake to a work buddy but we'd all understand it would be fucking rude to go up to becky herself and said "hey this cake was terrible" when she left something out for free for you to take or not take. it wouldn't be rude to drop your plate in the trash, and if she sees a trash can full of cake she might feel bad, but that's different from anyone SAYING something to her.

and also: salt instead of sugar in a cake is either malicious or a mistake. maybe a learning mistake. people usually don't post stories they worked on maliciously. and if someone is still learning as a writer and makes a ton of mistakes, telling them it's shit doesn't help them much. maybe a person pulling becky aside to quietly say, "hey, i didn't know if you knew this, but i think you accidentally used salt instead of sugar?" MIGHT be welcome but it would also be mortifying. much more so if becky had already realized it herself and is rather hoping nobody mentions it and everyone forgets it and she already knows to double check next time. she can bring it up herself with friends years later to laugh when it's less stinging, the way some of us go, "God, fifteen years ago I wrote the most HORRIFIC Mary Sue fic, she had platinum hair and purple eyes, the works."

and again, on ao3, you don't even WORK with anyone. nobody is paid to be here. you suffer no loss of income if you can't handle it on a particular day and pack up and go home. there is no moral high ground in reading a story and commenting or bookmarking JUST to tell someone their writing is shit. you find the one nice thing you can say if you ended up reading and not liking it, or you just don't say anything at all. you hit backspace. go complain to your friends but don't leave that negative shit in a public space. that's BASIC human kindness.

if you pay for something, you can go to the person who sold you the thing and say, "hey this is terrible, and i'd like my money back," or tell a larger audience, "don't waste your money." and to a degree, even THAT is subjective. but if you get something for free, you don't go complain unless you're part of a test market with someone specifically seeking constructive feedback-- and that's what fanfic writers go to friends and beta readers for.

but please, if you're a person who leaves negative comments in a story or a bookmark, please rid yourself of the idea that being an asshole is fulfilling some kind of moral or craft role that helps make someone a better creator. if you think it's just putting them in their place to discourage them from sharing and that's a good thing you're doing? then fuck you and see yourself out, thanks.

DOGE is a fraud. You don't save by cutting revenue.

The ultimate goal is kickbacks for First Felon.

We all know the ultimate goal is for MAGA to spend big money on private companies doing the same jobs.

USPS is mostly self funded also. It was 100% self funded until Republicans in the 1990s demanded their pension be guaranteed for like 100 years.

maybe i’m a joyless bitch but i actually do NOT think it’s funny to see women being like “the house is just in my husbands name” or “my husband makes all the money” or “i don’t even know who our mortgage is with” or “the only bank account/credit card is his and i get an allowance” like i do NOT find that cute or romantic and i am begging these women to Stand Up. you should at least be named on the deed to your house and the title to your car and the bank accounts even if you don’t pay for them/earn all the money. you can’t stop existing in the eyes of the law and the credit unions simply because you have a husband. if you’re raising his children and washing his socks half of everything he’s got is yours and it needs to be yours LEGALLY BY NAME. "he takes such good care of me :)" girl you are a PRISONER!! that’s all

"But my husband is a good man! He would never abuse/leave/cheat on me!"

Alright, let's give you the benefit of the doubt and say your husband is a perfect angel of a human being. He does take care of you, and he does it well. Your life is great, you get along, you have beautiful kids and a beautiful home.

What's going to happen to you if he stops being able to provide?

If his job lays him off or cuts his hours? If he becomes too disabled to work? If he goes to prison? If he dies suddenly?

What if you have to get a job to make sure you and your kids can still eat and have a home?

If you plan on seriously sharing your happily ever after with someone, you are going to have to pull your head out of the romantic fairy tale clouds and start planning for the worst case scenarios.

if your husband was really a good man you would be on the mortgage so if he gets hit by a bus the bank doesn't take the fucking house back. if he was really a good man he'd make sure you had enduring legal protections to take care of you after his death, not just whatever bits of money he cares to dole out during his lifetime.

I feel like this rise in "trad" appeal comes from telling people that they can choose to never deal with certain hard parts of adulthood as long as they only do their traditional half.

Men, there's no need to ever bother with cooking or cleaning or nannying your own children (all degrading feminine work) as long as you assume the role of the protector and the household head who can win the bread and make the decisions.

Women, there's no need to learn the hard and complicated things about taxes, mortgages, utility bills and work (scary masculine concepts) as long as you focus on looking beautiful, keeping the house in order, and mothering your husband's children.

But actually, men who don't know their children's doctor information, or birthdays, or know how to change a diaper, or how to do laundry, or how to grocery shop, are NOT cute.

And in fact, women who don't know anything about their own finances beyond "teehee my husband gives me an allowance" are also NOT cute.

I get why these things are appealing, because they come with this false promise that you can fall into a role and never ever half to think about half the hard parts of adulthood.

But if you're an entire adult person, then you do need--for yourself, for your family, for your children, for your safety--to know these things. Especially financials, because if your partner leaves you (or if you need to leave your partner), you need to know your money and your bills.

When you ignore one half of these in favor of just your traditional gender role, you get men living in squalor whose children no longer talk to them and women in total financial ruin after their husbands leave or die.

Sharing responsibilities to ease a burden is fine. It makes sense. But that is not the same as closing your eyes entirely to half your life, thrusting that responsibility entirely on someone else, which could leave you dangling off a cliff if that person ever leaves

If you live in the USA and you're pleading for donations to pay your rent, bills, or get food then dial 211! Please dial 211 before the last minute!

It's a toll free service with people who will help you find programs in your community to pay those bills, find food, and find housing! They will give you numbers to call so you can get help.

It is not 100% foolproof. Their job is to direct you to a program they believe will help your current issue, but it's still a step up from praying random strangers online will give you enough cash before a deadline! The added benefit of these community programs, which get funded by the local government most of the time, is if there are more people using them then they can get more money to help more people.

You're not taking resources from other people if you use your community services. Your taxes pay for them. Use them.

Dial 211 first to see if they can help, and if for some reason they can't, then make your donation posts!

https://www.211.org/

Hi I work for my state's 211 service. It really breaks my heart how many people only know to call us at the last minute. 211's can provide a whole wealth of resources to use before things ever get to a cut off utility, eviction, or homelessness!

I can't speak for all 211's but most should also have a website detailing all the agencies in their database. if you don't like phone calls, this can be something to reference instead.

If you don't have health insurance but you need to see a doctor, reference 211! We list clinics that provide free or discounted general care, vision, and dental services to low income households and people without insurance! Many hospitals also have financial aid policies that can severely reduce your bill if you had an expensive procedure!

If you're stuck in a dead end job or need educational resources reference 211! There are a lot of programs focused on providing basic adult education as well as trade skills or other high demand fields! State governments are generally more interested in funneling people into work than providing benefits, but you can still use this to your advantage especially if you have some form of disability but are still able to work. That includes if you're neurodiverse or have mental health issues! Most of these programs are extremely underutilized.

If you believe you qualify for public benefits but the bureaucracy of the process is in your way, reference 211! There are agencies specifically geared towards helping people obtain the benefits they qualify for- for free!

If you need help with your taxes-

If you need help finding a pro bono lawyer-

If you need help finding affordable housing/section 8 housing-

If you need help finding food pantries-

If you need help paying for your prescriptions-

If you need help obtaining disability aids or assistive technology-

If you need help finding transportation options-

If you need help following a natural or personal disaster (like a home fire)-

If you need help repairing a home you or your family owns or it needs modifications to be accessible-

If you need Queer resources-

Reference your 211!!!!!

I had no idea what 211 was before working for it but I wish I had. I've learned so much about what resources are actually available to the community even in a ho hum area of the country like my state. I've saved my partner literally thousands of dollars just from the medical resources I've gathered.

Not enough young people know about or utilize these services but they are there for you!

P. S.

This isn't an intended use of 211, but I like to reference the agency listings when I look for jobs. Many of the agencies listed are non-profits which, while they certainly are not perfect, generally have lower barriers of entry to decent paying jobs with benefits. The work environments tend to be much kinder and at least pretend to be forward thinking. You're more likely to find jobs without as many people applying as well, especially if they're only advertising their positions through their own website.

Love that they put “a sense of impending doom” as one of the symptoms of a heart attack, like girl, that’s just how it is to be alive these days, you’re gonna have to be more specific

This made me chuckle but after scrolling away I felt the need to come back to it.

Because as someone who has felt this I can not stress how different it actually is from anxiety. Which is saying a lot because I have a massive anxiety disorder.

I’ve only felt this twice in my life - once when I was going into kidney failure due to an infection and again when my body was going into shock due to dehydration and malnourishment due to GI issues - and I can not stress how much it saved my life. It’s hard to even put it into words. It’s not like a panic attack, or anxiety. It is a horrific gut turning feeling of absolute dread.

Especially if you have anxiety you’ll know the difference honestly. It’s so much worse. It’s every cell in your body and your brain screaming that there’s something horribly wrong in a way you’ve never felt. It’s your brain screaming out that you are going to die in a way no panic attack has ever done before.

I can not stress how important it is to get yourself to the ER if you feel this way. Especially if your having other physical symptoms.

This is amazing and incredibly helpful, oh my god. Thank you.

Seconding the above : I was going into shock from internal bleeding, and that sense of “something is gravely wrong” was entirely different from my day-to-day whirlwind of anxiety.

For me, it was very quiet. For me, there was a deep sense that I could just lie down on the floor and not have to ever get up again, no effort required.

That combined wrongness/relief was so weird and so unsettling that I drove myself to the ER.

The “impending” part is really key to that symptom, I think, based on my experience. It’s not the existential dread of late-stage capitalism grinding the world into nurdles. It’s a ghost crow on your shoulder whispering “it’s here, it’s now.”

Impending doom is also a feature of anaphylaxis, something I’m intimately familiar with as someone with mast cell dysfunction.

For me, its the overwhelming, near calm certainty of doom that distinguishes it from the jittery panic of “but something could go wrong.”

There’s no “what if?” There’s no room to question it. It just IS. And it’s very different from the “calm” of disassociation too. I’m not disassociated from myself when it happens. I’m probably actually the most present ever.

I’ve turned to doctors and told them calmly and with utter certainty “I am going to die” and the reaction that calm certainty gets is immediate intervention because doctors also recognize that stillness as the body not bothering to waste any time on fight or flight and just going straight to “death is imminent due to some internal failing, act accordingly.”

When I was lying in bed recovering from a hit to the head, I remember a moment in the middle of the night where I went from a sorta half asleep state to being instantly wide awake and feeling, with absolutely certainty, that I was about to die. It was dead silent in my head other than that thought, screaming at me that Something Is Wrong, something is Terribly Wrong. It was like I could feel the dread seeping into my bones, my chest, like I could see it in the back of my eyes, sense it around the corner. Everything was going haywire, like a train was blowing its whistle and I was on the track and my body was trying to get me to Move Dammit.

I called emergency services and tried to explain what I’m feeling. I thought I would be written off, but when I started describing the feeling, immediately the dispatcher sent paramedics to my apartment. Good thing too, as I had a stroke in the ambulance.

Impending doom is real, and a defense mechanism created by the brain to get you to get medical help for something that you cannot handle by yourself, and as someone with panic disorders, it is wildly different and arguably even more terrifying than any attack I’ve ever had.

Oooh oooh! I had this when my kidneys gave out after having been backed up and infected for a couple years!!!!

It was this “Something is Wrong” feeling and it is very difficult to describe just how urgent and different it feels from the usual “Whelp, I’m going to die.” feeling anxiety has.

I got to the ER in time and they slapped antibiotics on me before even knowing what was wrong, and I felt better by the next morning but I was thisclose to dying.

I’m married to someone who deals with both severe anxiety as well as CPTSD. Might be a shot, but would anyone have a comparative description of the dread caused by ©PTSD and this?

I happened to see this post again by pure chance when a mutual reblogged it and I’m not sure I can adequately describe it but I can try my best.

I am someone with severe ©PTSD that predates my experiences of almost dying. Before knowing what the “impending doom” of dying actually felt like, the fear and anxiety caused by my ©PTSD felt very much like what you think death should feel like.

The danger feels so real, and it has driven me to the ER a couple of times because there was no way my body could feel this cold, this hot, this shaky, this fast, this full of dread, and for something to not be wrong.

And there was something wrong. My body was flooded with all kinds of stress hormones in response to trauma. It was my brain misfiring and insisting we had to run because there was a metaphorical tiger stalking me through the tall grass, and we needed to get away now, now, now.

I still experience episodes like this – largely due to the repeated trauma of almost dying several times, but while I know the danger feels real (and that there could be something else wrong with me, I do not dismiss that), I am now also in a unique position to know that this feeling is not what they mean when they talk about Impending Doom.

Even when I’ve been detached and disassociated from myself or had psychosis from medication interactions, part of me still knew on some level that I was panicking, and I was alive enough to panic.

Impending Doom is not like that.

There is no franticness to impending doom. No room for questions. It just is. It’s in every cell of your body; every piece of your brain resonates with it. There’s no anxiety. There’s no panic. There’s no fear. There’s no fight, flight, or freeze. You’re just certain.

I know it sounds trite to say it, but you will know because there is no way to mistake it for anything else.

You are going to die, it’s a fact, and you are eerily calm about it.

Like I don’t think words can ever fully express how still everything feels. How still you feel as a person. It’s like your body just shuts everything else off but in a very present and coherent way.

It’s like feeling the weight of the ocean bearing down on top of you and still somehow being able to think, “hm, this isn’t good. I should probably call an ambulance” in a way that I have never experienced from ©PTSD or anxiety.

And it freaks people out.

I had a doctor friend tell me once it’s a bit like the uncanny valley of calmness. No one should be able to look at you and describe what they’re feeling at that moment with that level of calm certainty. If they do, something is very, very wrong, and it pings a sense of urgency that you don’t always see in the ER, even when someone’s sitting in the corner holding their detached finger on ice.

Sorry. I feel like this is a lot of inane repetition on my part. But hopefully, it helps somewhat. It really is such a unique experience words can’t do it justice.

It’s easy to forget that the brain processes a lot of information we are not consciously aware of. That includes checking the status of our critical life functions, hundreds of times a second, every second, until we are dead. Your brain can very easily confuse a potential external threat with an immediate external threat, but one of your life functions failing is a completely unique sensation.

It would be very bad for our species survival if we couldn’t differentiate between danger/sickness/injury/etc, threats you have even a theoretical ability to respond to, and ‘you will die or you will be rescued. There is nothing else.’

reblog if you agree