I grew tall to fill the void

hey guys i'm going to the store can u make sure nothing happens to my chocolate milk

Here’s a thing that happened to one of my friends. I was there.

Basically, we were walking down the sidewalk, talking about something meaningless. I think it had to do with a movie. Then this bus screeches up, stops next to us, and a bunch of people with “Down with Cis” shirts climbed out and started beating him up. I was punched and kicked a bit too, but I managed to avoid brutalization by going for their faces. After figuring out what’s happening, I started attacking them back, getting them off of him. He was quite injured but I called 911 and he made a full recovery at the hospital. I was fine, with only a cut on my arm that they patched up.

Every protein bar is called something like "double chocolate indulgence caramel cookie dough delight crunch" and tastes like clay and sawdust

some people masturbate for pleasure. others out of boredom. me? i masturbate to save all of california from a devastating earthquake

i always click the "track package" button as soon as i get the email. "oh boy i wonder where my package is!" warehouse.

i love canceling plans. dear maria count me out

i had a dream there was nuclear site-wide discourse on here over a post that was like "if youre sucking a blonde man's cock youre sucking on a clitoris 🗣" it was so real i feel like im still there

so simon & schuster sent my boss and i a bunch of scanned nancy drew covers so we can use them for various parts of our project and most covers had two files, one with text one without

except for nancy drew and the hidden staircase which i guess they started to remove the title on and then stopped so they just sent us

my day job is at a college, and this morning my boss was like "go collect all the suggestion slips from our suggestion boxes around the school and create a document and a spreadsheet outlining the needs of the student body."

Ok cool very easy! fun, even!

there were two. two suggestions.

"spring fling should be steampunk themed :3 I'd like to see more pipes and gears with no discernible function"

and

"free food. starbocks. privitized resturaunts."

I can't wait to turn in my 1/8th page report with "pipes and gears with no discernible function" and three out of five words misspelled on it. the students have spoken, boss; such are the needs of the student body.

Report complete I'm off to grab lunch at a privitized resturaunt

Yeah, a 100% straight guy wore a Brony shirt to school. I just became 20% cooler.

Yeah, a 100% straight guy wore a Brony shirt to school. I just became 20% cooler.

Slipping estrogen into your boss's coffee might sound cathartic, but if you unionize your workplace then you won't even have to slip it in his coffee. You'll be able to openly demand that he take estrogen. That's the power of collective bargaining.

comic book trend that honestly irks the fuck out of me is when an existing character comes out as gay and they invent a new character to be their partner. like theres nothing wrong with it per se its just that the new boyfriend/girlfriend character is always jarringly bland and uninteresting, especially when compared to the latent homosexual potential that definitely already existed in the story. like there’s something so deeply unsatisfying about introducing a new side character as a girlfriend for karma in new mutants 2019 when she’d been having dramatic hand-holding adventures with dani the whole time. it implies such a definite hesitancy to ever make characters gay For Each Other, and the result of that hesitancy is that you don’t get any of the long-term slow-burn relationships that heterosexual characters get (like between batman and catwoman or whatever). instead you get New Relatable Millennial Queer Partner that you have to fight tooth and nail to give a fuck about. nobody’s doing it like rictor and shatterstar anymore nobody’s doing coming out reveals that hit like that

i miss my wife tails. i miss him a lot

she let me hit because i’m- [i remember she didn’t actually let me hit] [i remember she never really existed] [i remember the accident] oh my god the accident…