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THE ANGRY THERAPIST

@theangrytherapist / theangrytherapist.tumblr.com

The burger stand sat on the corner, where the streetlights flickered and the pavement cracked like the skin on my momโ€™s hands. We sold burgers, egg rolls, burritos, and extra ketchupโ€”yeah, we charged for that. Ten cents a packet, because in my parentsโ€™ world, nothing came free. Not ketchup, not extra napkins, not the American Dream.

I used to slouch behind the counter, hoping no one I knew would stop by, praying I wouldnโ€™t be the kid with the weird parents which charged for condiments. The burger stand smelled like grease and sacrifice, but mostly sacrifice. Every drop of sweat my mom wiped away, every box of soda she lugged from the backโ€”there was a weight to it that I was too young and too embarrassed to carry.

Iโ€™d watch my parents behind that counter, the two of them constantly fighting until they couldnโ€™t work together anymore. Their English was jagged, clunky, but they spoke the language of survival fluently. I didnโ€™t see it like that then. All I saw were ketchup packets, tiny symbols of how small we seemed in a world that wanted us to stay in the margins.

The other day, I was at a burger stand supporting a local mom and pop. Something snapped in me, like a long-held breath finally released. I remembered how, back in the day, I couldnโ€™t wait to get away from that place. But now, in some twisted way, I missed itโ€”the stand, the grease, even the damn ketchup.

The truth is, my parents werenโ€™t running a burger stand. They were running the hardest marathon no one talks aboutโ€”the immigrant hustle, the daily grind of trying to make something out of nothing. They werenโ€™t just flipping patties; they were flipping the script on what it meant to survive in a country that didnโ€™t make room for them.

And me? Iโ€™m still catching up, still learning that the things I used to be embarrassed by were the real gold, wrapped in grease-stained paper and handed over with a side of hard-earned pride. Ketchup was never just ketchup. It was a lesson I hadnโ€™t been ready to learn. Until now.

Every ending has a beginning

Whatโ€™s ending in your life right now? An old dream? A new love? Pressure to be someone youโ€™re not? School? A career? Friendships? Old beliefs? A long road of absolutely nothing?

Whatever is ending, know that that ending is opening a new door. You may not see it yet because what we want and in the time we want it rarely matches reality. But every ending creates something new. New relationships. New opportunities. New definitions. New perspective. New priorities. New chapters. So instead of panicking and holding on, what if you allowed it? What if you leaned into the ending? Encouraged it?

Nothing is permanent. Things need to end for life to unfold. Holding onto endings that you cannot control is called suffering. Let go. Let life. Get excited about the new. Because in the new, there is different, and in different, there is change.

The city is your living space.

Neighborhoods look like movie sets.

Trees change color.

Late night dinners.

Hoops.

Tennis.

Stoops.

Dough that doesnโ€™t hurt your stomach.

New York is growing on me like a sweater you rediscover.

Iโ€™ve only been here a handful of times.

But each time I come I feel something.

One of the perks of being a writer is you donโ€™t have to pick a coast.

There will be days you and your partner wonโ€™t be able to stand each other. There will be days when you will want to take the long way home. You guys will disagree on things, like movies and books and politics and dinner. He will forget things. You will run late. Your friends will have opinions. You guys will fight. Maybe a lot. You will shut down. He will wonder. But at the end of the day, you will both come back โ€” to each other. And no matter how many times you guys fight, you will always fight fair. That will be the non-negotiable. And you guys will be together knowing that you are choosing to be together. Not because of logic or loneliness or a ticking clock. Not because you guys look good on paper, take cute photos, or think youโ€™ll make cute babies. Not because youโ€™ve already committed to this. Not because you donโ€™t want to be alone. But because you believe in what you guys are building and youโ€™re making a choice, every, single, day, to be in this and love each other the best way you both know how. Your relationship will not be built on fear, as many are. But instead courage and transparency. And like any relationship, there will be no guarantee. You will not compare this to what was. Any residue you guys have from previous relationships you will work on individually. It is your own responsibility and what being in something healthy looks like. Both will sharpen each other and you will make him feel beautiful and he will make me feel invincible and vice versa. The only thing you guys can promise is to be honest and love as hard as you can. Without losing yourself. Both know there is risk. Both know people can get hurt. But both we are willing to put that on the line to experience the high notes of something meaningful and greater than self. You will both take responsibility for your own shit but also create a space for magic, and will settle for nothing less.

Things that have changed for me since having a family. A reshuffling of the life deck. Perspective. What I put weight on. Less โ€œIโ€s in my sentences. More selective on how I spend my time. New consideration with every decision. Less impulsivity. The constant reminder to pull back and see the macro and at the same time live more in the micro. Love turns into a quilt. Patience is primary. Sundays have more meaning. Experiences and travel move up the list. Pancakes taste better. A stronger pull towards nature. Things are not okay unless things are okay at home. But most of all, you get to see the world again.

For anyone who is single and choosing to work on themselves. If you believe we need to find ourselves first so that our relationships are healthy and we can create new definitions of love, tag a friend or share.

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