Crow: I am stealth. I move like night. I steal from you and leave no trace. Was I even here? Who can tell....
Me: Look, I...I love you, you know that, but I opened the window, I put the food out, I made direct eye contact with you, I whistled the whistle that we both know means Grub's Up, and then I stepped back so you wouldn't pretend to be spooked. Also you sound like a herd of elephants landing on that pipe. Also you shouted at the magpies who were, and I cannot stress this enough, up until then not even aware of the food. You are as subtle as a tank. I love you. Now eat your chicken fat before the magpies muscle in.
Crow:....I am the Night.
Me: It's 3:00 in the afternoon.
