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He/it, Panromantic

@thecrimerat

stupidest idiot this side of Tumblr

I don’t think I’ve ever made an intro post so let’s do it now.

Hi to those new people on my blog. Welcome to hell, you must stay here for the rest of eternity!

Preferred names highlighted in green. Names highlighted in blue I don’t really use often.

Name: Noelle, Fern, June, Jasper

Pronouns: he/it

Sexuality: Pan and polyamorous

Send asks please

I’ll add and update stuff later. Cya suckers!

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Reblogged

I have waited ALL FUCKING YEAR TO POST THIS

Santa is coming tonight.

And none of us are getting ANYTHING CUZ WE’RE ALL A BUNCH OF DISGUSTING PERVERTS

But that’s fine.

I bought myself the Loki costume in Minecraft, so its a Merry fucking Christmas for me!

Happy Holidays, followers!

Anonymous asked:

The

SNUSSY

is back

-snussy anon

I just saw this was in my inbox

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woolawool-deactivated20220724

Does necromancy only work on animals? What do you do if you accidentally necromancy a fence and then it starts growing branches?

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swordlesbianism

WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU NECROMANCY A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO AND IT TURNS INTO AN ENTIRE PILE OF LIMES?

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swordlesbianism

What if I accidentally necromancy a vaccine and then someone gets an armful of very live pathogen?

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swordlesbianism

WHAT’S THE LIMIT ON DEADNESS? HOW RECENTLY DOES SOMETHING HAVE TO BE DEAD? COULD I NECROMANCY A DINOSAUR FOSSIL? WHAT IF I NECROMANCIED THE GROUND AND THEN DINOSAURS STARTED APPEARING?

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swordlesbianism

WHAT IF I NECROMANCIED A LIMESTONE WALL AND IT JUST TURNED INTO A PILE OF MOLLUSCS? WHAT IF I MOLLUSCED A BUILDING? A MOUNTAIN?

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grednforgesgirl

Hey OP are you okay

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swordlesbianism

no

OP is a necromancer having an existential crisis of the unforseen consequences of their powers

I imagine to revive something it has to follow the scientific definition of life

wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”

he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.

after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”

anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”

half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.

and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.

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