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Hello! I’m Yin, he/she/they, and welcome to my part of the hellsite, except with a lot more angels and monsters running amok. I’m primarily a hobbyist artist and writer, though I do aspire to get a proper job in either (or both!) professions someday. I’m a big fan of video games, cartoons, and just generally all that cringe fail nerdy stuff. If you want a more detailed introduction including nitty-gritty boundary information, links to and information about personal projects, and what few other social medias I have, you can find all of that stuff just below the cut. You don't have to read everything, but it's all there if you want to see it.

Also, this blog may-or-may-not convince you to play cult classic niche text-based horror browser game Fallen London. This is your first, last, and only warning... aaaand also beware the massive untagged spoilers for the Heart's Desire storyline from said game, because I can never shut up about my obsession with my made up bat. This spoiler warning applies to literally this entire blog. Viewers beware.

Don't be afraid to tell me if I need to warn (or be reminded to warn) for triggering content, I am always happy to do so!

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no that's the especially fucked up part. caeru is Fully Aware her relationship with louise is genuine. hell, she's even aware of the weird on-and-off thing she has with terry. it's literally just the scoundrel that gets this treatment

it's SO fucked up caeru didn't tell the scoundrel she was going north btw. their perspective on her return hasn't been touched on at all but just.

just really think about it for a second.

his spouse goes missing for months. he doesn't know where she is or why she's disappeared. he doesn't know she's seeking the name, he doesn't know anything- he spends most of that time in a desperate panic, worried sick over her, and she doesn't even tell him when she arrives back in london. she actually avoids him at all costs! she tries to spare him the pain of saying goodbye, and all she does is make him worry more and more and more!

and in that time she goes out of her way to tell everyone else. she tells her other (""real"") paramours, her confidants, everyone she trusts. everyone except the scoundrel. everyone except her husband.

and the scoundrel doesn't know. for so, so long, he doesn't know.

and then, one day, the scoundrel learns that her wife has washed up on the docks. she's starved, hypothermic, only barely no longer raving mad- but she's home, she's finally home, and before he knows it he's bundling her in blankets and carrying her to their shared abode and he's just so happy to finally have her back.

and then he learns she's just come back from what's effectively a suicide attempt. an attempt she told everyone about except for him.

she left him to worry. she tried to kill herself and if she had gone through with it he'd be left to worry for the rest of his days.

and he doesn't talk about it, because how can you talk about it? especially when she's in a state like this? especially when it's so soon after her return?

but he does think about it. he thinks about it a lot. he loves her and she doesn't even trust him to know or care about her death.

i'd go insane, honestly. i don't know how that bat does it.

the thing about scioundrel is that the scoundrel has fully internalized Being For Realsies Gay Married, even if their tsundere heart won't let them admit it.......... and then meanwhile the scientist is still highkey deep in denial about it. her crippling self esteem issues coupled with the unspoken way their relationship has developed over the months means she just. can't bring herself to accept that the scoundrel is actually in love with her. sure he kisses her awake every morning and sleeps in the same bed with her snuggled in his arms and he bakes her breakfast and lunch and dinner and calls her his beautiful wife at every possible opportunity but. he can't actually mean that. she doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. and it's not like they weren't overly affectionate long before they tied the knot!!! this is all just- just the scoundrel being the scoundrel. it doesn't mean anything. this was always meant- and going to be- a fake relationship.

she can't let herself believe the scoundrel would ever change that. she can't let herself believe they actually care about her. because if they do- there's so much she has to face if they do.

so she doesn't tell them anything about herself, same as she always has. they've never complained, so why should she bother doing anything differently??

it's not like their marriage is real.

oh, y'know... the canon scoundrel purposeful mindwipe in the aftermath of an extremely traumatic event. a very specific and very (relatively) recent event. an event she simply could not ignore, no matter how much she tried- until, inevitably, forgetting was her only remaining option.

....i have mentioned it, haven't i? 🙂?