theonewhereistudy

things that made me stop wanting to die that require no effort whatsoever

Almost all of these are about variety. Humans need stimulation! We need enrichment! We literally cannot do the same thing every day!

The other day I was feeling miserable, so I hopped on a bus and rode it all the way back to where I’d started, and my brain, which had finally had some proper stimulation via new environments, was suddenly ready to go again!

This is why taking walks/drives and trying new hobbies are good for you! Don’t turn yourself into a sad zoo animal! You need some pumpkins to roll around in your enclosure!

ITS BACK!!!!!

god i fucking love the quote “dont turn yourself into a sad zoo animal” it has really inspired me!

your life is not an optimization problem

as in you'll never achieve the perfect daily routine, sleep schedule, coping mechanisms, mannerisms, fashion sense etc. even after years and years of healing and improvement and self-discovery. you will never be so good at life that you manage to utilize every waking moment. its great to be productive and all but sometimes you'll suck ass. sometimes you'll take eight hours to be done with a twenty minute job. you'll prioritize the wrong thing. you'll sleep for 12 hrs just to avoid being awake. you'll relapse. and you'll relapse again. you'll forget to turn in the assignment. you'll order too little food. life is far too large and complex for you to even experience it completely, much less try to make sense of and control it. you can't. please give up on that and be at peace with the hours you lose. they are not separate from your life.

It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.

It’s like. When I was told to “just be yourself” as a kid I thought it was a passive thing. Like oh easy I just have to sit here and be myself. but the reason so many people think that “being yourself” is bullshit advice is because you actually have to make active choices to do this and it WILL make your life way more fun. You have to wear t-shirts of bands that were popular ten years ago because you like them. You have to do your hair in a way that you find cute or comfortable even if it’s “so nineties”. If your friend says a food you enjoy is gross to them, you can’t be afraid to admit you casually disagree. You have to do hobbies that you’re interested in even if you’re bad at them and you cant feel like you have to get good at something before you tell people it’s an activity you do. You have to read manga and comic books in public and get piercings your relatives think are unattractive. You don’t have to tell people you dislike that you dislike them, but you don’t have to give them your time and attention either. You have to rewatch that kids show you’re nostalgic for even if you’re in your 30s. You have to change your name if you hate it, even if only a few close friends can know. You have to get fun girly drinks at the bar. You have to order hot chocolate when you don’t like coffee and black coffee when you don’t like sweet things. I am still bad at practicing this but it is the only way to make it all tolerable.

do any of y'all know how to feel better about yourselves when you feel like a failure

Lmaoo I'm dealing with this right now. There's a few things I do tbh:

1. Check for basic health needs. Sometimes you feel like shit because you haven't showered, eaten, slept, etc. Check on those first. Even if you still feel like shit taking care of yourself, it's better to hate yourself after a shower and in a clean bed than it is otherwise.

2. Let it out. You can cry about it, rant, create, etc. When I really can't stand things I just unload everything onto a journal. Note that this doesn't have to have any structure at all, I have journal entries that are pretty much just walls of "I fucking hate myself!!!! I HATE MYSELF I HATE" and so on and so forth.

Whenever I journal like that, I fully get that I'm just expressing what I feel rather than what I accept as the truth. <- Basically, I acknowledge that my feeling of failure is a feeling, not an unchangeable 'set in stone' truth. You need to express those feelings somewhere without thinking of them as who you are as a person.

3. Forgive yourself. This is still something that I'm actively learning and also the hardest thing on the list by far, easier said than done. For me personally, forgiving yourself is less about loving yourself or even having any positive feelings towards yourself at all, it's more about being able to accept that you failed something and adjusting accordingly.

I always thought self forgiveness was a flowers blooming in spring type of deal, but its more like working with a shitty roommate who doesn't put their clothes in the laundry or has their dishes piled up in the sink. You can't do anything about your living arrangements, but you can be like "Hey, what the fuck?" and communicate on boundaries, compromise, etc.

Self forgiveness is an act of tolerance than love. The way that I do this is by looking at things I didn't complete for the day and asking "How can I lessen the damage?" or "What can I do for tomorrow?"

I've been in episodes where the weight of my own failure crashed down and paralyzed me for months due to the shame. If you let yourself dwell on it too much, you won't be able to do anything at all, so if you genuinely cannot do the thing, then let go of the shame and let yourself rest.

Sometimes the issue stems from the fact that you are focusing on yourself too much, and what I mean by that is that you are overanalyzing or scrutinizing every single thing you do— from every molecule, thought, and action. The best thing you can do then is to chill the fuck out and look at things outside of yourself. The moon will still be there even if you failed an exam, the trees won't care if you haven't been outside in weeks. The point is that the world doesn't fall on you alone.

4. Seek support. Talk to your friends and whatever support network you have. Personally, it helps me to have a reminder that I am still a person outside of my mistakes. I am not a missed quota, I can also be a supportive friend. I am not an awkward interaction, I can also make silly jokes and bring joy to other people.

^ There's a few more I think but those are the ones off the top of my head. :]

At your girl’s house telling her that sometimes things must be done not for the sake of building a resume but for the sake of keeping the heart soft and aglow

@theresebelivett tagged me in this game. thank you!!! ❤️ i forgot picrew was a thing for a hot minute

1. Do this uquiz ('how fandom would see you if you were a fictional character')

2. Do this picrew.

3. Tag people.

tagging @vlolets @cityghoull @femmehepbvrn @gena-rowlands @jesuistitanialablonde @gayverlyearp but no pressure obvs

@lesbin tagged me in this⚘

So here are the results:

i'm tagging @jedno-pivo-prosim @mer-se @middi-rain @scoobeedoo @antobravor but no pressure 🌱

Love a fun tagging game hehe

@jesuistitanialablonde thank you for remembering of me in this hellsite (tagged me in main @scoobeedoo, but I haven't been very active there)

I'm inviting anyone who wants to join. It's lots of fun, I promise!

So embarrassing but who cares. But so embarrassing but who cares but it’s so embarrassing but also who cares but it really is embarrassing but really who cares BUT it’s so embarrassing though probably nobody cares but it’s embarrassing asf and nobody cares but

WAIT. Not to be controversial but. What if I just enjoy life for what it is right now instead of stressing about what I’ve yet to get out of it. What if I choose to enjoy this time……I know that once it goes, I won’t get it back from anywhere

Last week, I learned about herniated discs, adenocarcinomas and acromegaly. Another week trying to beat depression.

Photo 1: The student surviving on mango and passion fruit ice cream

Photo 2: Game of two mistakes: locate herniated discs on the MRI.

Photo 3: Clinical manifestations of acromegaly

This week, I went to class every day and was a very important step for me (considering that depression always left me paralyzed most days).

Photo 1: The college building is beautiful.

Photo 2: Reading "The Demons" on the subway.

Photo 3: My friend separating my curls.

Photo 4: A patient who entered surgery with hip bleeding and left with crooked (surgeons, don't do this).

five recipes for an exciting life (in my opinion)

you will feel so alive again.. like so incredibly alive. i dont know when that will be but it will be. u are gonna feel so alive that ur cheeks hurt from smiling oh man oh man i promise that day is coming. you do have a future, you do have good things coming, and you’ll survive everything that’s thrown at you until you reach that day

people say folks with adhd struggle with "delayed rewards" aka long term goals and as such we tend to focus more on short term rewards. what they don't talk about is that at when we Do accomplish long term goals we don't actually feel anything proportionate to the amount of work we did to achieve it. In my head I suffered for a while and then money spontaneously appeared in my bank account.

so ppl who follow me i see u reblogging this and it's relatable def but pls let the wave of accomplishment wash over each and every one of you ..... think of all the executive function you had to muster up .... the discipline .... the genuinely upsetting things that happened in the pursuit of ur goal that you conveniently blotted out so you could get through your day ...... be proud of the huge thing youve done and get a matcha latte or something ur tremendous

You should never have shame about your academic journey. It's a journey. You're growing and learning. You're going to face challenges alone for one of the first times in your life. Shit's hard. It's ok to struggle.

I haven't had a pretty journey at all. I'm graduating with a bachelor's degree at 25. I've been in college nonstop since I was 18. I've failed a lot of classes and had to go part time. So many things have happened. But I will have the degree. And that degree is worth the exact same as someone who got it in 3 years. The knowledge I have is mine to keep.

How I got here doesn't matter. I'm here. I am going to graduate in a few months. I have won this chapter of my life. And to those who try to shame me for how I got here and how long it took, I pray that you never experience the things I have that have made it take long. May you live a life of comfort and luxury and have hands soft as silk until you die. And hopefully I will get the same grace from the universe eventually.