I agree it feels scary. We're undergoing big changes, many of these changes aren't fair and will cause a LOT of damage.
As to why, I think all three of these things are related.
People who are against these things may cite religious beliefs or fairness or political beliefs, but I think the thing underlying all of this is what's commonly referred to as "The Crisis of Masculinity."
When people use this phrase, they point to statistics which show females graduate from high school and college at significantly higher rates than males. That the suicide rate for men is 4 times higher than it is for women. That a significant number of men who want a girlfriend/partner/wife don't have one, and many have trouble finding someone to date. And that many men tend to have very few friends. They are experiencing loneliness, hopelessness and sadness.
These men look around and say that 50 years ago it wasn't like this, white straight men are doing so much worse than they used to. Society has changed and these men don't know quite where they belong. They look longingly at the past where the man would go to work, had a wife who took care of the house & the kids and did the chores, and they think this is the life they should have. Of course, that's an idealized view of the past, it wasn't like this for everyone, and it ignores that many women are happy to have options that weren’t available to them in the past.
I think the answer would be to train these men to be better students, to guide them towards good-paying jobs in the trades like plumbing and automotive repair, to work on their in-person communication skills, and to encourage them to seek mental health services. They can be encouraged to join clubs & sports leagues where they'll make friends, to expand the types of careers they're willing to consider like school teacher and nursing, and to find hobbies & pursuits that give them opportunities to strive to improve and helps them find purpose.
Unfortunately, some think the gains made by other groups means straight white men have been pushed out of their rightful place and their solution is to try to roll back the progress which helped other groups. That's why DEI is maligned as it helped queer people and people of color (it helped straight white women most of all but most white people don't seem to recognize this). Many cis straight white men feel like they're getting revenge by taking away things that helped other groups when a better approach would be to look for ways that helps everyone have more opportunities to thrive.
Unfortunately, men who buy into this notion that the world owes them or that they're being done wrong by the system, they are quick to point the finger of blame at others, and thus are susceptible to conspiracy theories and can be manipulated. Conspiracy theories can have real-life consequences, such as the rise of anti-semitism, or a belief that drag performers are 'groomers,' or how the majority of school shooters/mass shooters fit the profile of a young, often white, and socially dysfunctional male.
Plenty of women, Black & Hispanic people, children of immigrants, adherents of minority religions, and queer people get bullied and told they don't fit. I think because they weren't taught that being on top is their rightful spot and are supposed to have a certain kind of life, they know they have to work towards the life they want. They have to learn to be resilient. Being resilient is hard, it's acknowledging the difficult things, the barriers, the unfairness, the discrimination, and figuring out what you can do to survive the encounter, what can you do to make your situation better. Fortunately, they have communities that teach them to navigate the world and which affirm that they’re valued, they have communities which make them feel they belong. This is why these groups aren’t committing mass shootings nor are susceptible to conspiracy theories seeking to blame secretive groups for their challenges, they know where their challenges come from.
Helping cishet white men shouldn’t mean making life worse for everyone else
