this answer on a “what’s the most embarrassing thing you did as a kid” reddit thread has been haunting me since i read it

“HOW WAS YOUR DAY RAT BASTARD?” 

it has been like at least eight years and sometimes I still think to myself, when I am tired, “but I am le tired… well then take a nap! AND THEN FIRE ZE MISSILES” even though in retrospect that is like one of the most embarrassingly unfunny videos to ever come out of the internet 

tbh i still start sentences with “hokay, so” at least 3 times a day 

same, aggressively so. I also still use “wtf, mate.”

#i have no idea what this is referring to#but i’m relieved to know i’m not the only one out there randomly quoting old internet videos#some shit is always hilarious to me (x)

OH MAN

LET ME LEARN YOU A THING

who doesn’t think this is STILL AS HILARIOUS as it was when we all watched it over and over and over again 15 years ago?

I’ve reblogged this before and will doubtless reblog this again because MY ENTIRE GROUP OF FRIENDS WAS SO OBSESSED WITH THIS VIDEO IN 2002/2003 THAT WE COLLECTIVELY BANNED ANY MENTION OF IT EVER AGAIN 

AND YET

WE ARE NOW GROWN-ASS ADULTS IN OUR THIRTIES

AND IT STILL GETS QUOTED FROM TIME TO TIME

I HAVE THE WHOLE THING MEMORISED

TO THIS DAY, MY MOTHER REGULARLY SAYS “BUT I AM LE TIRED” BECAUSE OF A VIDEO I SHOWED HER IN FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL

THIS IS AN ICONIC PIECE OF INTERNET HISTORY AND I WILL FIGHT ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERS

my wife and I still regularly say “hokay so”, “but I am le tired” and “and some big meteor’s like ‘well fuck that’.” Fucking iconic.

I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE AND I’M SO GRATEFUL FOR THIS POST BECAUSE I’VE SEEN IT NOW AND I CAN’T STOP FUCKING LAUGHING

God how has it been that long

Happy Anniversary to this twenty year old flash epic!

so here’s the earth. it’s a pretty sweet earth. ROUND. hokay.

Trope I enjoy:

Character A appears to be killed (blown up, knocked off cliff, pushed into raging river, etc.) and the rest of the characters come together to grieve.

Character A, who is not in fact dead, limps back to the rest and is very puzzled about what everyone else is so sad about.

On noticing them, everyone promptly loses their shit. 

THIS SCENE. THIS IS IT!

rb to tell prev they're being so brave right now and pat their head a little please

I love how here on tumblr dot website we regularly cast the greatest curse we can muster on each other by pointing our long creepy fingers and intoning "10,000 notes" in a voice that carries the winds of the mountain with it.

I might have made an error here

#here we have the classic case of tossing apollo's dodgeball in the air and standing directly under it as it comes down (via @qqueenofhades)

Everything you need in one spot

Write it shitty, write it scared, write it without a clue but don't you be so spineless and have an AI write fanfic for you.

There’s two guys buying a bed from my coworker. The guy buying signed and said, “That’s good enough, they don’t check them anyway.”

His friend countered, “I used to think that. I’d just draw penises in all the signature boxes, but my bank called and asked me to stop, so I know they’re looking at them.”

weird as fuck living in a culture where it's considered more impolite to speak up and defend yourself against someone treating you unfairly than it is for someone to be rude to you in the first place

older family members, coworkers, customers, and strangers in general can say the most batshit insane things to your face and somehow you're considered to be the "rude" one if you say "hey that wasn't cool of you to say"

Nothing wilder than being on the outside of a popular non-canon ship (the kind that's taken deathly seriously not the kind where people are just like 'hehe what if they kissed') where as far as you can tell the entirety of the appeal seems to be a bunch of people being like “friends don’t do that!!!!!!!!” but the thing they're doing is like … being nice to each other. Spending time together. Occasionally making eye contact, the dirty sluts.

but what if i read one of your fanfics and then went to your ao3 accounts and read all of your fanfics and left a comment on every single chapter of every single one and you got spam emails from all of my kudos and comments and it made you smile, what then? what if i brighten your day with my words like you did mine, what then???

marrage

I know for a fact that my stepmother loves me.

I know it for a fact because the vaccine for the sleeping sickness came out when I was ten, and she cried. When she was a kid, parents would have Sleep Overs whenever someone caught it, in the hopes of spread it around - children were statistically more likely to be woken up by "True Love's Kiss" from a parent or family member, after all, whereas if you caught it when you were older, things got more complicated and if you were old, you might be the last one in your family left.

(There’s more to it than that, I know, I've tried reading the papers, but I barely passed biocurse with a C+, and don't even get me started on organic curses. Those two classes were enough to kill any hope I had of becoming a fairy godperson.)

So, when the vaccine against the sleeping sickness came out, my stepmother cried, and my father got me on the list right away; I wasn't high priority, after all; I was young, there wasn't an active outbreak in my school district, and I was otherwise healthy. But they put me on the backup list anyway, so if there was one, just one available, I could get it.

When the fairy godperson's office called, my dad was at work, but my stepmother bundled me up and drove there so fast I thought we were going to be pulled over. (Later, I found out that she'd gotten an automated ticket from one of the red light cameras, a fact that she hid from both me and my dad.) They called my dad, of course, and he left work, but he also gave the okay for my stepmother to be my medical proxy in case he was delayed.

Vaccines don't last forever, and it was decided that I would be given it without him there. At 100 minutes, my stepmother would try kissing my forehead, and if it didn't work, the office would set me up for the 100 hours it would take before my dad could try.

Magic can't be ignored, but it can be tricked.

It didn't matter. At 100 minutes post-vaccine, my stepmother kissed my forehead and I woke up.

So. I know she loves me.

me every day without fail: I'll do [chore] when I get home

me when I get home:

me every single week: I'll do it on the weekend!

me the entire weekend:

all of us rn