sic transit gloria ... glory fades

i'm not sure who sent this to me, but whoever did, you know nothing about me. you also don't know anything that i've went through myself.

i do respect and acknowledge everything that i have. i appreciate everything that i do have.

everyone's struggles are valid, and comparisons aren't productive. i understand that people have different struggles, but that doesn't mean mine don't matter.

i hope in another life, i am who i've wanted to be.

i came across a tiktok with comforting music playing that reminded me of a summer evening from when i was a kid, running around with my brothers and dogs, and the smell of a cook out somewhere nearby.

the video was of a ladybug climbing someone's leg in what looked like their yard before flying away.

the caption was beautiful,

"i think we should all strive to live a little more like ladybugs. be kind, be gentle, and love loudly."

i agree.

"i can't wait to grow up" might be the stupidest thing i've ever said.

what happened to the world being so colorful and bright?

all i want is to be able to go back and be a little girl again.

i miss how i looked at the world with so much happiness and hope, without a worry.

i want to see the world how i used to, so beautiful and vibrant and peaceful.

the world and life seemed so beautiful.

i miss sharing a room with my brother and playing minecraft on snow days.

the last day of school felt like a dream, but sad at the same time. now it feels so scary how close it is to when i'm finally finished.

holidays felt so different then.

i miss coloring in coloring books.

why did i wish to have been grown up?

i miss watching teen nick or disney channel or nickelodeon.

i miss when my parents would carry me to bed.

i can't get that feeling back that i used to have.

life before social media got so huge felt so different.

i miss rolling down the hill.

where did that spark go?

the bright green grass and the mourning doves and the dew drops and the smell of a summer morning.

i loved the smell of a freshly mowed lawn.

i miss who i was back then.

remember how beautiful life was?

i chase for that feeling, i look for that feeling everywhere, i will search every inch of the world just to feel that again.

i miss my childhood dogs.

i loved building forts.

why did it disappear?

i want to be held by my mom or dad again.

i used to love sun dresses.

i loved playing parachute in gym class.

i miss my grandpa, who's voice and face fade away from my memory as time goes on.

i used to love those long car rides whenever i'd go on vacation.

i remember my first hockey game.

the feeling of a christmas morning was so magical.

i used to try to catch the tooth fairy.

the music during that time.

nostalgia will be the death of me.

do i still linger in your thoughts?

the weight is gone, a lightness returns.

where stillness held, a movement begins.

like the wind, a freedom found, like the sea, a deep strength.

like the wind and sea, i am alive.

a steady current, a breath of wild air.

my spirit, a part of the world's own flow.

written by yours truly, trashraccoongirl