Konner didn’t understand anger sometimes. It always either made him want to go after everyone and just scream or it made him want to curl into a ball and sob like a child. He knows he has different levels of anger. Betrayal stemming mostly from Lex, slightly at Clark. Part of him resenting the other for trying to be there before just giving up and throwing it back in his face. For once when he’d gotten the name for Clark he was so happy..so so happy because finally the other was accepting him. Just go find out later it was kryptonian for “abomination”. Konner hadn’t even felt angry then. He just felt so empty. That’s all he was wasn’t he? Some abomination that was created from a tube. Overloads, coming from his heightened senses. Making his skin crawl more often than not. Able to hear and see everything, it was all vibrants coming at him in horrible tunneled wisps. At times it left him curled up and rocking back and forth..forth and back..back and forth. Over and over again. And at times pure uncontrollable hatred, for himself. For his creation. For every decision he decides to make. They leave him disgusted with himself, because in the end it’s another flaw is it not? He’s flawed so horridly flawed. Made to be perfect, the perfect weapon. It did surprise him that Luthor hadn’t decided to re-clone him.
Kon didn’t understand why he hadn’t. Till he found out about Lex’s strange infatuation with some Gotham secret society. Apparently they had these “serums” they’d use on people to make basically zombie body guards/slaves. It was part of the reason why he had asked Tim. He wouldn’t lie to him right? He’d been honest each time they’ve talked from the last few times. Tim had said there wasn’t so he believed there wasn’t. It was insane truly. It’s not like Lex would get ahold of it anyway..wouldn’t be able to use it on Kon. So it didn’t matter. Tim told him no, so it was a no.
He liked Tim. He was kind in a mean way. He didn’t beat around the bush, or talk to Konner like he was a child, or an idiot. A lot he found did that. It irked him when people talked down to him but Tim never did. To others yeah it seemed that way but actually sitting and talking with him it was different. It didn’t feel done negatively. The other never left him feeling disgusted at himself. He thinks it’s why he latched onto the other so much. He didn’t want to loose it. For once it was something good he had, and it hadn’t been by anyone’s hand or control. It was his own.
((I love having characters associate words with colors
Tim being put in the green because it’s the lightest/a more soothing color while the other words are overly vibrant and overwhelming. Every time Kon finds comfort in someone it’s in more gentle colors like purple and green. Pink isn’t always a hard one, sometimes he can find it on a mix of not liking and but not hating feelings. The vibrant colors don’t always represent negative feelings, it can just be feelings that inspire overwhelming feelings. The reason he sees Tim as green is the other is extremely proper and well kept. It reminds him of trees, growing, strong, intelligent. Green just reminds him of Tim. Sometimes purple can as well depending on whatever mood Tim is in. The harsher/owlish (pun intended) he is it takes that slight purple twist, like it’s a different side. Clark is blue. To him the color is frustrating, because it’s commonly appreciated and adored but no one sees how much damage it can do. It’s beautiful and vibrant and adored, just as much as it is cold, and dull toward others. Lex is red because it’s loud. It’s loud, it screams at him. Always. Constantly. Screaming, screaming, screaming.
