me sitting here 1.5k into my second jayvik fic after not writing character slash in at least a decade

god what is writing smut

OH GOD IT’S OUT.

nobody talk to me.

Anyway i can't sleep so it's time to tell you that shinso truly falls in love with being a father figure to your son the night both of you are incredibly sick.

he comes over to your apartment unexpectedly; you hadn't contacted him all day, which was strange, but not alarming. when he arrives, he can hear the coughing for the hall.

the two of you are sick-- very sick. your son's lungs rattle with cough, burn with fever. your adult body handles it better, but shinso can tell by that look on your face that you have a migraine and probably the same damn sickness.

"hi, shinso," the baby creaks out, more docile than he's ever been.

"i should have texted you," you rub away tears with your palm. "it's been-"

"it's fine." He doesn't let you finish. "let me get you your pill for your headache."

"s'out."

your son coughs again and the sound hurts Shinso's teeth. he doesn't know what to do about that. children need special medications, right? he isn't sure.

and you don't seem very sure what to do either. shinso had forgotten that parenthood isn't instinctive, but learned. you always made it look so natural.

"what do you need?"

"sleep," you croak out. "but he keeps waking himself up with his coughing and I-"

"I'll stay with him. The clinic opens in a couple hours, I'll take him."

Usually, you'd argue a bit. You're so used to parenting alone that you aren't good at accepting help.

but illness sits heavy on you. you just nod and slink away to your room, leaving him and your son. the two just look at each other, eyes wide.

"can-" he has a sniffle and a whoop of a cough. "can you w'rub my back?"

and shinso does. he sits there for hours, with his wide hand against too hot skin, rubbing little circles over and over until the boy falls into more coughing fits.

in the morning, he wrestles the boy into his winter coat and bundles him in his arms before carrying him down the city streets. little arms circle his neck and cling on tight and ahinso feels this pang in his chest, this echoing feeling.

hes always cared for your son, but it's never struck him before that he loved him. he squeezes him tighter and adjusts his hood against the winter air.

the wait at the clinic isnt long, but your son fidgety and teary eyed. Through muddled cries and coughs, through the paper mask shinso's looped over his ears, he asks. "can you call my dad?"

shinso isn't hurt. not this time. he takes his phone and dials Monoma's number. (he had taken it from your phone in case of emergency. this felt like one)

the line rings, and rings, then goes to voicemail. He leaves a quick message explaining the situation, then calls again, hoping the frequency would urge an answer.

but monoma doesn't answer by the time they go back in the room. or by the time they make it to the pharmacy. or by the time they make it back to the apartment.

"can you call my dad again?" your son urges through tears. you're somehow still asleep- shinso let's you rest.

"after you take your medicine."

"is it gonna taste bad?"

"I don't know." Its the truth. "But you have to take it, okay?"

Theres no fight from the toddler. He takes it and grimaces, but doesnt spit or choke. instead he reaches for the sky, with grabbing hands and a warbling bottom lip.

"do you... want to be picked up?"

the toddler nods and grabs more wildly. shinso slings him on his hips and tries not to let his heart melt with those little hands clutch at him again.

"Shinso?" the baby whines after a while. "Are you gonna be here for my birthday?"

His birthday is months away- a strange question only a child would have.

"if you want me there."

"can we play Legos on my birthday?"

They will probably play with Legos tomorrow, when your son feels better. he'll be back to his usual self and want nothing to do with Shinso, but for today, shinso takes what he can get.

"yes," he whispers, "we'll play legos."

He ended up looking fabulous, not cool and bloodied