man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upward

thank you!! :^]

ok. i will change my entire life very soon. goodnight everyone

*pete buttigeg voice* years ago if you could have offered me a pill that could make me a grade grubbing type A humanities student who used chatGPT with impunity, asked for extensions and always got their work in on time, i would have swallowed it before you could give me a swig of water,

it probably feels good as fuck to be a grade-grubbing type A student who never feels guilty/afraid about asking for extensions and takes notes on a bigass ipad with the apple pen. oh to walk in another's shoes. one character development point over the last few years is slowly dismantling all of the mental structures that told myself i was better than those people somehow. i'm not.

cried for an hour which felt good as fuck but i'm locking in for real now. part of being an adult is dealing with the outcome of your own actions and taking responsibility. sorry about losing my marbles on main and i appreciate everyone bearing with me. really i'm not going to get kicked out of school (again, forever) which is my main concern. the exam will be mildly uncomfortable and then it will be okay again.

it's times like this that i think i'm genuinely not equipped to handle the requirements of adulthood at all. i'm permanently stunted and there is no hope. i know it's not true and it's just my own anxieties talking to me but it's truly absurd how i put myself into these situations over and over again

it's so cool how much trouble i'm in

started drinking 👍 should have done this hours ago. no fear. full steam ahead let's read these readings.

having a certified bart simpson moment

have decided that even though i will fail this course i am determined to go down with dignity. studying for the oral exam regardless. it is the right thing to do

my friends all know this bc i bring it up semi regularly (because it's a sad story -> makes me sympathetic) but when i was in middle school gym class people would laugh at the way i ran (i have fucked up feet/knees or something) so i hated running around the track etc. and it embedded an association between public exercise and fear in my brain. but whenever i run to catch the bus or just for fun when no one can see me, i get a rush of endorphins and feel great. it's a beautiful joyful motion that feels like flight. need to incorporate this into my life