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I don’t know how to use AO3, thus I do not know how to properly do this, but! I was possessed by an evil demon that made me write a tense fight between Adam and Ronan after one of Adam’s dates with Blue… It’s very pynchly romantic if it makes any sense. It’s the second chapter but again, I have no idea how to do it so… here it is I guess…
St. Agnes’s curse.
“Ronan stood up, Adam could see the anger behind his eyes. Perversely, all he could think was 'yes, this is how it should be.'”
Alternatively, where Adam needs anger management intervention!! STAT!!
“Oh fuck James! Fuck-“ Lily exclaimed as she sat up in nothing but her skirt and bra. “Why would you say that!?”
“I just think it would be nice if you got in touch with your sister again!” He said still lying down on her bed.
His hair was messier than usual, his chest had some light claw marks and his lips were red. He prompted himself up on his forearms and looked at her with his puppy dog eyes; his glasses nowhere to be found. Her hair was just as messy, the initial flush of excitement settled in her cheeks had been replaced by one of anger and exasperation. She held her head in her hands before turning back to look at him.
“Why do you care?!”
“I just want you to be okay- happy!” He said sitting up behind her, his chest touching her back.
“I am okay and I am happy,” she asserted, putting some distance between them. “I’ve been okay and happy without her all this time I don’t need you to start playing fixer upper now!”
“It’s not playing fixer upper, Lily.” He said brushing the hair out of her way. “There’s nothing to fix, it’s just-!”
“Stay. Out of it!” She pushed his finger away from her face. “I don’t need you to- to come into my life and start trying to fix it! I don’t need to be fixed!”
James pathetically suppressed a chuckle. “I know hon-“
“Do you? I mean it, do you?” She frantically stood up, her hands moving vigorously as she spoke. “Because since we started dating all you’ve done is try to fix me! First that whole- thing! with Sirius and trying to make us get along after all he’s done is bully me and Severus! Oh! And Severus! That other gimmick where you suddenly ‘forgot’ to show up to the potion labs and he just so happened to have it reserved! As if!”
“Lily please! You’re looking way into it!” He said moving to the foot of the bed and reaching out for her hand, just as she took a step back and put her hands behind her back. “I was just trying to help, I really wanted you to actually know Sirius and vice versa! It wasn’t a whole thing to fix you, it was just trying to help you!”
“I don’t need your help! I’m not a defenseless maiden Potter. I’m a woman with my own defects, sure! But I also know myself and what I need and want and am perfectly capable of taking care of myself! If I need help, I’ll seek it but all this time I have not once asked for it, and still you do all these things, these nice things, but I don’t need them!” She was panting and her bottom lip quivered, though she imagined glass-less James didn’t know.
James stared dumbly at her. His eyes shifting trying to find something to say, but every time he opened his mouth nothing came out. In the end, he simply stood up and hugged her. “I promise you I’m just trying to help you out. I know how tough you are and thought you could maybe use a little push in either direction. I’m sorry, I should have asked you what you wanted first.”
“Yeah, you should have.” Lily sobbed pathetically onto his shoulder. “I’m just so tired of it. First it was my parents, with the whole ‘being lonely’ shit in school. Then my sister with the magic stuff. Then Severus when I got sorted, then my parents again with Severus! And now, when I thought someone actually liked me, you try to fix me too!”
“I do like you.” James crooned into her hair as he rocked them back and forth.
“It’s not just that James! I actually do like you! Like-like you. And if you also start treating me like a little project I won’t be able to do it. I’m a person, you know? Flawed and all I still am a person just like everyone else.”
“I like-like you too. And not as a project, but as a person. I like you with your so-called ‘flaws’ and everything you think I’d fix. I’m not here to fix you. I am also just a person, you know?” He said before smacking his lips. “But, I’ll admit I may have a bit of a problem with ‘over-helping’. I’ve already had this conversation with both Sirius and Peter, so… I’ll look into it.”
“You should..”
James smiled as he grabbed Lily’s shoulders and pulled her away to see her face. “Is there anything I can do to help other than say more ‘I’m sorry’s and promise not to do it again?”
“Shut up.” Lily chuckled as she sniffled. “Cunt.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you curse so much.” James smiled even harder as he pressed his palms on her cheeks, wiping the leftover tears off.
“Fuck, tits, bitch, cunt, arse, pussy, bitch, shit, ass. There, my whole repertoire.“
“You forgot motherfucker.”
“Oh yeah, that’s a good one.” Lily smiled, trying pointlessly to tidy up his hair.
“Are we good?”
“Better.”
“I’ll take it.”
Reblogged bembembembis
most important part of the writing process actually is when you loop a single song on max volume and stare at the word document and imagine the characters doing things for 14 hours. this is known as getting in the zone
First time for everything.!
prompt 29 for @wolfstarmicrofic
The pub was packed, people had poured into it the second they heard music, Peter, James and Sirius following through. It was amazing, but it soon became clear music wasn’t the only thing his friend’s mind. Within minutes of being there, Pete was being sweet talked by possibly the hottest brunette Sirius had ever seen, and she was looking at Pete as if she could devour him. She possibly could.
James had gone to get them both drinks, but after twenty minutes of him gone, Sirius knew he was gone. He made his way to the bar on his own, passing James and seeing him enchanted by a fiery redhead. He looked in admiration, it felt nice knowing your friends could do more than fine.
As he ordered a pint, he saw a hot blonde and beside her, the girl with the most beautiful braids he’d seen in his life. Filled with golden accessories, wearing a splendid white top and a golden arm bracelet. By the time he realized he was staring, they were staring right back.
Quickly grabbing his drink, he made his way toward them and began the intense mating game. He wasn’t sure who he liked best, but it was clear the blonde had a terrible distaste for him, so he leaned into the other one- Mary. It felt so easy with girls, you’d talk about their beautiful hair one second and they’d be crawling. As he downed his second beer, he’d grown increasingly antsy.
“How ‘bout we go home, finish this amazing conversation.” He smiled seductively.
“Wish I could, but I’m here with my friends.” Mary said pointing at the blonde one who was smiling at the band, but stopped to look him up and down and roll her eyes.
“You should bring a friend, the more the merrier.” Sirius whispered in her ear.
Mary slapped his arm gently as she laughed. She opened her mouth to say something but was interjected by her blonde friend.
“She has a friend- a boyfriend!”
“Oh,” Sirius said with a cheeky grin. “Well if he doesn’t mind watching, i don’t mind showing”
“Oh you-!” Mary laughed. “Worst part is, I don’t think he would.”
Her blond friend rolled her eyes and pressed her tongue to her cheek to avoid laughing. Fuck three make it four.
As Sirius was about to make another remark a tall, handsome, lanky man walked over to them and put his arms over Mary’s shoulders from behind, handing her a drink as he did. “Whatcha laughing ‘bout?”
“Threesomes.” Mary smiled before being kissed.
“Oh, Marls finally caved?” He said giving the blonde one a cheeky grin.
“Ugh! Insufferable!” ‘Marls’ cried before leaving.
“Who’s this then?”
“This is Sirius,” Mary said pointedly. “He’s trying to take me home.”
The man looked him up and down and gave him a devilish smile. “Sorry for interrupting then.”
For the first time in his life, Sirius was breathless. He’d been sweet talking this guy’s girl and all he had to say was ‘Sorry for interrupting’? Who the fuck was he?
“Actually you came up at the perfect time, we were just talking about you.”
“Oh wow!” He said sarcastically. “What were you saying?”
“Talking about ‘the more the merrier’.” She smiled seductively.
Had he died? Was this heaven? What was even happening?
As if a bucket of cold water had been poured down on him, Sirius managed to speak. “Er… yeah! I told Mary about how beautiful my apartment is and well… The conversation went off the rails.”
“Oh, yeah, I bet.” The man laughed.
“So? Wacha think?” Mary asked biting down in her lip.
“There’s a first time for everything, yeah?”
Oh god! He could die before getting to the apartment and he’d die the happiest he’d ever been.
“Shall we?” Mary said as she practically jumped from her seat and grabbed both their hands.
As she lead them out of the pub, Sirius passed by James, who had to stop staring at the red head to follow them with his head, mouth wide open. Ignoring him, Sirius followed Mary before realizing-
“Oi! I don’t think I got your name,” He smiled boldly. “Might need it later.”
“Remus.” The man said, staring him up and down before stopping on his lips. “Yeah, ya might.”
El día que perdí mi juventud.
[the day I lost my youth]
For her birthday she decided they would go back to her parents house. She hadn’t been there since her mother’s funeral two years back, where she’d taken all her things to her own house. As a twenty year old, this depressed her terribly.
The road was longer than expected, although it might have been the unbeatable dread she couldn’t avoid. James was helpful enough, he’d sing the stupidest songs and make the dumbest jokes he could think of only to make her force her smile.
Petunia and Vernon were nice enough not to bother them too much, only casual pleasantries and small talk. This also depressed her, losing her sister had been a rough stone in her road, and this was only making it bigger. Petunia showed her the changes they’d made with a fake smile on her face, one which she mirrored. She hated them. The house was perfect before, why’d they change it? She also showed her the room they previously shared, the one where she and James would sleep in. It looked exactly the same, completely taken over by her sister, as if she’d never even been there. It was terrible, and was somehow worsened by James’s comments on how nice it was. He used to love her house, he loved her pictures and her parents plants all over, how could he also love this one? How could he not see these changes and resent Petunia for them?
At Five o’clock they had tea. Vernon bragged about his comfortable job and mentioned they were trying for a child. They wanted to turn her room into a nursery, but didn’t want to get ahead of themselves. Petunia came and went from the kitchen, trying to impress them with her hostess skills. James laughed at the stupid jokes Vernon made and reserved his comments, intent on proving how amazing he was. Lily also “listened”, she laughed when James laughed, smiled when she remembered and sipped the tea when she wanted to cry.
After some time, she excused herself and went to cry in the bathroom. Then the hallway and finally, in her old room. She smelled the pillows for some sense of familiarity, but even that was gone.
When James found her, he took her for a walk. She reminisced her old life, took him to the Snape household, the park, her dad’s old job, and finally the school. She stood before it and smiled. James kissed her cheek ever so softly and put his arm around her. Had she always been crying? Would she ever stop?
“I don’t get it.” She sobbed. “When did it all become so difficult? Why can’t we be like them and live a normal quiet life, where we celebrate having a boring job instead of surviving? How can my life be so different from hers if we’re sisters?”
James comforted her quietly, caressing her back and kissing her hair.
“Why do we have to be surrounded by such tragedy when we could just- be good? Why do we have to suffer through a war? Why us?” She weeped.
“I know darling, I know.”
“I try and keep my spirits up, but its so hard waking up thinking which one of my friends is going to die next! I always knew it was a possibility, but I never believed it could be us! And then, oh then-“ She bawled and bawled.
For a second she thought James was crying too, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to take it if he was, so she just cried into his chest.
“James, there’s another reason why I wanted to come back here.” She said breaking away from him and seeing his face completely dry. “I’m pregnant.”
He scanned her face in amusement and chuckled until he was laughing. “What?”
“I am. I went to the doctors a week ago, I’m pregnant.”
“Lily! This is amazing!” He jumped before hugging her and making her spin around.
“No it isn’t! James, we’re in the middle of a war! How can we have a child during this! I won’t be able to fight, and what if it doesn’t end?”
“Oh darling, how can we not? We are going to be the happiest people who’ve ever fought in a magical war ever! Imagine flying around with a child! Imagine dinner without the dread! Oh Evans! This is the best news ever!” He smiled. “And if it doesn’t end, I’ll end it myself before Harry turns three I promise.”
“You promise?”
“I do.” He said kissing her softly. “Wanna head back?”
“Not really. I kinda want to leave.” She smiled sadly.
“Let’s leave then, make a little brother, yeah?” he smiled.
“James! That’s not how it works!”
James sprinted down the road and back screaming: “Who cares? I’m gonna be a dad!”
The party was… boring. Everyone was pissed, but in the annoying way, and Lily could not wait until they’d all leave to clean up the common room and finally sleep. She had been drinking the same gin tonic for at least an hour, and the couch had already sunk where she was seated. Her eyes had started to close on their own, allowing her to slowly float away into a dream. Maybe sleeping in the common room wasn’t so bad.
“Why don’t you like me?” James blurted out.
“Excuse me?” Lily said blinking rapidly. She hadn’t even noticed him.
“I try sooo hard for you to notice me and like me but I can never get to you, so please Evans I’m desperate I’ll do anything to get you to like me.”
“I do notice you.” Lily said smirking “you’re incredibly annoying.”
“So you want me to stop annoying you? is that it? Consider it a done deal.”
She considered it, imagined peacefully walking down the halls and eating lunch and classes without James making faces at her, the amount of time she could put into her studies without him talking over her every time. She thought about the quiet dinners, early bed times, casual breakfasts and smooth classes. The thought of it alone made her want to kill herself. “Nah, it’s ok.”
“Is it my face? I can change it!” James said pointing his wand at his face “Who can I turn into?”
The sudden fear that James’s face could turn into anything different forced her to turn around and stop him. Which was great because she could see how his brown eyes were surrounded by some deep shade of red instead of his usual white sclera. “Oh fuck, James are you high?”
He sat up suddenly and looked down, and with a really high pitched voice he said “who? Me? You’re crazy Evans.”
“You’re high as shit!” Lily laughed.
James looked at her uncertainly. “Not as shit, it’s going down I swear.”
“God you’re so stupid.” She cackled.
“Are you disappointed? Did I offend you? I’m sorry.” James fidgeted with his hands.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell.” Lily smiled. “Where are your little followers.”
“If you mean my friends, I only know Sirius and Remus are upstairs so I have to wait down here some time.”
“Why would you have to wait here?”
“You know why.” James said wiggling his eyebrows.
Lily looked at him attentively. He knew something. Suddenly this night became interesting. “I do not. Tell me.”
James started fidgeting and looked askance.
“James.” Lily grabbed his face. “Tell me. Now.”
“Look, if you don’t know I can’t tell you.”
“Tell ya what,” she said ignoring her voice of reason. If she were a cat, she would most certainly be dead by now. “Trade you one secret for another.”
James whole demeanor changed, his mouth spread into a huge smile and Lily could see his imaginary-dog-tail wagging behind him. “How about a kiss for a secret?”
“Bummer, I had such a good secret to tell you. What a shame.” She dramatically threw her head back and put the back of her hand to her forehead.
“Fine! But it’s top secret, so i’ll have to whisper it.”
“Ugh, fine.” Lily sighed leaning over and placing her ear at James’s level. He obviously took the opportunity and kissed her cheek smiling. “James!”
“Sorry! Couldn’t help it you’re so beautiful Evans.”
“Tell me!” She punched his arm.
“Remus and Sirius are upstairs… well… i dont really know how to put it…”
“James, if you dont tell me this instant I’ll go get Mcgonagall and tell her how high you are and get you kicked out of… Of everything! Every club, every merit you have won,” she snapped her fingers. “Gone!”
His eyes widened in fear. He hesitated for a moment but then slowly approached her ear and whispered. “They are together. Like, together together.”
“What the fuck are you talking about.”
“You know, they are together, alone in our room, I can’t go there… Get it?!”
“Huh?!”
“They are fucking, Evans.”
Lily froze. No they weren’t. She would have known. Remus would have said something. They are best friends, of course she’d know. “Come on James, a real secret.”
“I mean it.”
“No James, I would know.”
“No you wouldn’t. No one does. I swear.”
“Then why do you-“
“I caught them showering together.”
Lily looked at him incredulous and burst out laughing. “No way.”
“You can go check for your self for all I care, just know they are messy, it’s not a very pretty image.”
She thought about it, let it sink in and suddenly, things made sense. Remus was happy, he was always sneaking off somewhere with a lousy explanation and she had caught him more often than not smiling at nothing or being strangely flustered during lessons. Remus and Sirius were fucking. Holy shit.
“Oh my god.” She became aware of her labored breathing. “ Oh my GOD! HOW?! WHAT?! HOW?! OH THAT CUNT!”
“Inner voice!” James fretted.
“Right sorry.” She said slumping back down. “How? Why wouldn’t he tell me?! God I’ll kill that bastard, how could he! I’m his best friend.”
“I know I was pretty freaked out myself.” James laughed.
“This is so unfair why do you know and I don’t?”
“Oi! I am best friends to both of them, mind you. Also trust me I did not want to know, wrong place wrong time.”
“Fuck.” Lily breathed out “Fuck!”
“Come on Evans, it’s not that ba-“
“It’s so unfair! Why doesn’t Remus trust me? I’ve never said anything- No wait I have said multiple things about hating Sirius.” She said chugging the left overs from her cup. “Besides you’re such a terrible secret keeper! I’d trust Pete way more than you.”
“He knows.”
“OH MY GOODNESS?! Does everyone but me know?!”
“Just us, promise.”
“What am I supposed to do now? Play dumb?”
“Ideally. please.” James asked, his eyes glistening.
“This is fucked. I hate him.” She said crossing her arms. “I can’t play dumb, James, I just can’t! I’m so mad!”
James smiled as he shifted closer to her. “Need me to kiss it better?”
“Fuck off.” Lily fought a smile.
They sat in silence for a moment, Lily kept staring at the wall in front of her as rage and some bitter resentment pooled in her blood, she breathed hard and considered just walking up there and beating Remus into a pulp, or at least try to. Meanwhile James sat with his arm over the back rest, holding his head and looking at Lily with a smile.
“What?” She burst.
“You are so beautiful.” James smiled as an idea slowly formed into his brain. “You owe me.”
Lily grew angrier remembering their deal, she had no secret, or maybe she had too many, but they were too big to tell now. “I peed my pants once in fourth year after acing a test I thought I was going to fail.”
James burst into laughter. “Hilarious. But I told you a huge secret, so I’ll need something better.”
“I don’t have big secrets.” She lied.
“Come on! It’s so unfair!” He whined.
“If you help me bust them, i’ll tell you my biggest secret.”
“No! Leave them be, they need this trust me.” His eyes grew as he sentence finished.
“Fine!” She thought of something better. She needed to win this. “If you let me tell Remus you told me I’ll tell you two.”
“Deal!”
“I’m not wasted enough for this…” She mumbled. “I actually really like you.”
“I knew that!”
“No James, I really do like you. Like, like like you.”
He was frozen, the weirdest smile she’d ever seen hanging off his face, rising and falling each second. Then he just… laughed?
“Oh come on! I’m really not in the mood Potter!”
“I’m sorry! I’m so so sorry Evans, I just-“ he huffed. “When?”
“I have for some time now. Quite some time. Since last year actually.”
“Wow.”
“Ok then, goodnight!” She said standing up so quickly she saw stars. Maybe she was drunk enough.
“Wait! Can I kiss you?” James said with stars in his eyes and his hand stretched out.
“No!” She hurried before he could actually convince her.
“Alright then, I’ll see you for my daily love declaration tomorrow morning then.”
“Right. Cheers Potter.”
“Cheers indeed.”
Reblogged bembembembis
people who only use conventional social media are so funny bc they’ll casually be like “can I see your tumblr??” are you Insane. this is no instagram or twitter. this is my vault of secrets
Remus was fuming, he was so angry his head burnt and at some point he thought he could smell burnt hair, though that might have been his imagination. He didn’t even bother knocking, just entered the Potter household and quite impolitely asked where he was.
He ran over to James’s room and bust the door open, he wasn’t sure if he was expecting Sirius to be hiding there or not, and whether that would make things worse. He was still surprised to find out he wasn’t there.
“Moony?” James asked as lost as he was when he’d just woke up.
“You knew?”
“He came here on his own I swear.”
“How long ago?”
“A little over a week.” He answered weakly.
“So you knew for a week?!”
James quickly cast a silencing spell.
“Look Moony, he came in here battered and bruised and ashamed, he begged me not to say anything!”
“So you’ve just kept us in the dark?! What the fuck is wrong with you! I get it you two are brothers but Pete and I are just as important as you are! We should have been here! I should have been here for him!”
“What?! NO! Moony are you mad?!”
“Not in the way you’re suggesting but yes! I am fuming actually. Who the fuck do you think you are Potter? Really? Do you understand how much easier this could have been if we could have been here?? Do you have any idea just how selfish you’ve been?!”
“I am being selfish?! Look at yourself! LISTEN TO YOURSELF! TELLING ME OFF FOR PROTECTING MY BEST FRIEND!!”
“HE IS MY BEST FRIEND TOO!”
“I said our. And he asked me not too, I was just protecting him!”
“PROTECTING HIM?! REALLY? PROTECTING HIM FROM WHAT?”
“HE WAS ASHAMED REMUS! I TOLD HIM I FUCKING BEGGED HIM TO LET ME WRITE TO YOU! AND HE JUST CRIED AND CRIED! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS LIKE SEEING HIM LIKE THAT!”
“NO THANKS TO YOU! I COULD HAVE BEEN THERE! I COULD HAVE HELPED! AND INSTEAD I’VE BEEN KEPT IN THE DARK BY MY BEST FRIENDS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW DEPRESSING THIS MUST BE FOR HIM?! AND I COULDN’T EVEN BE HERE TO, I DON’T KNOW, EAT WITH HIM!”
“WHAT?! Eat with him?”
“OH FUCK OFF POTTER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!”
James put his fingers to the bridge of his glasses and took a deep breath. “Look, Remus, this is hardly the time to be fighting between us. You’re here now, aren’t you?”
“What about Pete?” He asked impatiently.
“He got here half an hour ago. He’s helping him do some drills to get ahead of the season.”
Remus was breathing unsteadily. His blood had stopped feeling so warm and instead that warmness went straight to his head, banging and begging to get out. “So I am the last to know?”
“Not really? At least I don’t think so, Pete lives nearer, and his mum disapparated with him here.”
“Right.”
“You should go see him.” James said putting his hand on Remus’s shoulder.
“I was a right bitch with your mum. I’m sorry.”
“I think she’ll understand.” James smiled. “You should still go and say sorry before she poisons you tonight.”
“Right. Thanks. Sorry.” He stopped walking with every word he said. And just shot a sort of regretful smile at James.
Sirius was crying again. Despite the weak spell he had cast, Remus could hear him from his own four poster and oh how he wanted to go to him, console him, wipe his tears away for ever. Bur he couldn’t. ‘I can’t do this Remus!’ Sirius’d said. ‘I don’t want to be with you anymore.’ And that was that.
But he was crying, and Remus couldn’t really help himself. He quietly got out of his bed, the floor creaking as he moved. He crossed the room and slowly opened the curtains. Sirius was still, in fetal position, breathing raggedly. His bed was a mess (even worse than it usually was) and he was still wearing his uniform.
Remus gently sat beside him and moved his long hairs away from his face. “Sirius, please, look at me”
But he wouldn’t. He was looking distantly at something and his lip kept quivering. Remus’s heart was breaking, Sirius was the strongest boy he’d even known, he’d never seen him like this.
Even worse, he felt like an ass for not understanding how he felt, all Remus even wanted was to be left alone, to never hear from Lyall ever again. He didn’t care about the money or the prestige, he wanted to be left alone. Sirius had always felt sort of similar, or so he’d say, but it had become clear that being disowned at 16 had taken a toll on him. Now it seemed as if all Remus thought to be true was nothing but a mask; Sirius didn’t want to be left alone, he wanted to be known and understood by his parents, and now that had become the most certain impossibility.
“Padfoot, please, look at me.” Remus begged, but Sirius wouldn’t budge. He was there, immobile, it was as if he were dead. “Sirius talk to me!”
Instead, Sirius stood up and hugged him. He’d begun to cry again, this time whispering “I’m sorry.” as he did.
As Sirius clung to him, Remus had no better idea than casting the strongest silencing spell he could think of. He slowly caressed Sirius’s hair and shushed him, slowly feeling how his shirt became increasingly wet where Sirius’s eyes were.
“It’s so unfair. I didn’t do anything wrong.” He cried.
“I know, I know, ba-“ Remus stopped himself before any old habits got the best of him. “Pads.”
When he calmed down, Sirius pulled away and just stared at his lap. He was ashamed, even when he knew he shouldn’t. Remus was just about to say it, ‘you’re free, be proud.’ But before he could Sirius swiftly closed the space between them, capturing his lips between his own.
“No. Sirius, don’t.”
“Moony,” he begged “please. Please, please.”
“You need to rest.”
“Moony please! I need this, please. I promise I will never ask for it again, it’s just-“ he was still clinging to Remus’s shirt. “I just need you, yeah?”
He was lying through his teeth, Remus knew him that well. Still, it didn’t seem to matter, he knew every time Sirius asked for it he would give it to him, crying or drunk or high. He would probably give him anything if he asked for it.
Remus didn’t say anything, if his heart was breaking before, it was definitely broken now. Sirius kissed him again, and this time he didn’t resist. At some point, Sirius had begun to cry again, or maybe Remus had? He wasn’t sure, but his face was wet and their kisses had turned salty. They slowly undressed each other as they wiped the tears. They didn’t say anything, not a sound that wasn’t provoked from choking down their crying. Remus had never felt that way, so full of ecstasy yet so sad. He couldn’t even feel his body anymore, he wondered if Sirius could, but he was too scared to ask, too scared to speak.
When they were done they didn’t even go to clean themselves, they just laid in Sirius’s bed, clinging onto what little affection they still had in their bodies, and craving for more.