Pinned
🔥 = smut, 💖 = fluff, ⛓️ = angst
not included on this list is touch tank, my major reader insert hotchfic, which you can find on my ao3! this one has an ongoing narrative and chronology, but it’s also my experiment in writing non-chronologically and putting less pressure on myself to write something “marketable”, and writing something more me instead. <3 check it out if you want!
The night I met Allan, I was so into him, it wasn’t till I woke up the next morning that I remembered I had a boyfriend. Love is dirty, baby. Sometimes it’s downright filthy.
"Girl dinner": unnecessarily sexist, annoying
"Grad dinner": fits the meter, much funnier, have you seen some of the shit grad students eat when finals
Example of some grad dinners I have eaten over my time in academic:
Gotta endorse grad dinner on this one folks.
yknow what, I may not have done grad school but I do wish to share some of my college era food crimes to support the cause:
Tumblr won't post my beautiful bounty of wild onion. I'm making pesto and infused butter with this
Spin this wheel to pick a Criminal Minds character. Then:
If you do a full fmk, leave your results in the tags!
h/t @assassinbugs for the idea
ik I made a post about this a while ago but I can't find it to reblog but it's so interesting to feel how my brain is changing as I move away from short form content and using my phone as like. a quick dopamine hit. there is NO SHAME in doing that (we're in hell) but it wasn't working for me personally
Soft Saturday 😌🧣
is anyone else having an insane influx of bots? i had 82 new followers just this morning, all bots, and every day this week i've had at least 20. the worst part is they aren't even coming up in my notifs so I can't block them as they come in, they're just going straight on my following list. idk what to do because there's so many of them that i literally don't have time to block them all
icymi, tumblr used to do an elaborate april fool's prank every year, but this year they suddenly stopped. here's a somewhat detailed recap of everything they did over the decade:
2013 - mishapocalypse (honourable mention): tumblr staff didn’t start doing april fools until 2014, but the mishapocalypse happened on tumblr in 2013 and i feel like this list would be incomplete without it
2014 - tumblrpro: upon opening your dash you were greeted by an “inspirational” video, that ended with the option to get “tumblrpro (for free)”. all it did was put a top hat on your icon.
2015 - tumblr executivesuite/coppy: a copying machine appeared in the corner of your dash. it would offer tips on how to use tumblr, like clippy the paperclip used to do in microsoft word. as the day went on, it slowly broke down and died right in front of your eyes. many people hated him (but not me). you could also make a (small) spreadsheet. @executivesuite2016 is the official blog.
2016 - this is decision/lizard election/tumblrdecides: a parody of the 2016 US elections. there were 4 lizards (well, one of them turned out to be a salamander in a scandal) to vote for. the dash looked different and there was a live news report with election updates, as well as an election blog for each lizard. they all had their own slogans and you would get an "i voted" button after you voted that would get slapped next to your icon. there were built-in functions to make an election poster for your favourite lizard and to create a text post that supported your lizard of choice that autogenerated a statement for all your followers to read. imo tumblr’s april fools peak. @thisisdecision2016-blog is the official blog, @mop-2016-blog @wretchedtooth @timefordeborah-blog were candidates. rick also had a blog (rick-official) but that now seems to have vanished because he ended up dropping out of the election. mop won, if you're curious. by far the most elaborate prank tumblr ever did.
2017 - horse friend: a tamagotchi-inspired game where you had to take care of a little horse in the corner of your screen. it came with a randomly generated name, and you had to feed and clean up after it. if you didnt take good care of it, it died. you could then hatch (yes, hatch) a new one. there was also an option to look at the names of all your dead horses. this is now available to buy in the tumblr shop. @horse-friends is the official blog.
2018 - tumblcoin: a parody of cryptocurrency (this was the year bitcoin took off). you could ‘invest’ in tumblcoin, with which you could in turn buy things with to spice up your dash, including last year’s horse friend, coppy from 2015, and a frame for around your icon. you could share the amount of tumblcoin you owned in an automatically generated gif post which would be tagged #tbc2018 and #tumblcoin. @tumblcoin is the official blog.
2019 - @memories: this blog still functions the way it did on april fools itself! it's like mad libs, where it takes post templates and then adds in tags you use a lot and users you frequently interact with on your main blog. like a personalized shitpost bot.
2020 - group chat prank/@storybot: it was so hard to find info on this because it was contained entirely in the now-defunct group chat function, which no one used. i had to go through the notes of this post for information because no one cared enough to actually write anything explaining it. turns out, you could write a story with your mutuals by adding storybot to your group chat. it also kept working after april fools (well, up until the group chats were deleted) just like memories. many people missed out on it entirely because they did not use the group chat function.
2021 - tumblcryptids: tumblr allowed you to adopt “non-fungible tumblcryptids”, a parody of NFTs. clicking a button that said "Summon thy Tumblrcryptid" would spawn an image of a little blob-shaped creature with a short description, which would always read "Hi! My name is [randomly generated name]. I love [thing most people like]. I hate [thing most people dislike]. Like my parent, I can't get enough of #[tag from your main blog]." you could share them in a post, which would automatically add the tag #NFTumblcryptids to your post. and yes, people on the piss on the poor website freaked out about it because they thought they were real NFTs harming the environment. @tumblcryptidadoptioncenter is the official blog.
2022 - click-a-thon: when you clicked a light switch on your dashboard, a bunch of colourful things showed up, like a sponge you could move around, an "engagament meter", clickable buttons, and a “Summon Crab!” button, which would summon a crab when you clicked it. you could. the crabs, like horse friend, are still available in the tumblr store as of 2025. here's some screenshots. there were various ways to share your crab activities, which would all get tagged #april fools 2022. the prank was presented as a marketing technique created by Brick Whartley, a fictional businessman character created by tumblr, who (afaik) originated in a post on the official blog of the 2018 april fools prank, albeit originally in a different role. around this time he also started functioning as the mascot for tumblr's shop ( @emporium )
2023 - abstract reactions (emoji reacts): buttons were added to every post that allowed you to add emoji reactions, many of them based on tumblr inside jokes (horse as a reference to horse plinko/horse friend, vanilla for the vanilla extract meme, pikaman, bug for bug race, and brick whartley, who wasn't a meme but staff really wanted him to be). if one specific emoji was used a certain amount of times it would add an effect to the post, eg many cheese emoji reacts would cover the post in cheese. this was also attributed to Brick Whartley ("his" blog @brickwhartley also documented the day)
2024 - boop-o-meter: allowed you to “boop” other users who had opted in to the booping, like facebook’s poke feature back in the day. depending on how long you held the button, you would either boop, super boop, or evil boop. on the dashboard there was a counter for both how many times you had booped others and how many times others had booped you, as well as how many boops were given side-wide. when booping someone, an image of a cat paw appeared. you would get badges (which can still be used) for booping 1, 100 and 1000 times. if you got more than 999 boops, the counter would simply say “WOW”. this was brought back for halloween 2024 (as BOOp-o-meter. get it), with a ghost, skeleton and mummy paw. no official blog, but here's an official recap for april first from staff. i believe this was the only april fools prank that was mobile user friendly.
2025 - @fandom is running some polls, i guess
one of my top ten french behaviors is that i find it deeply jarring to see croissants (as a whole) be considered as "pastries". a Pastry is an éclair or perhaps a millefeuille or lemon tart or macaron. it is colorful and sugary and generally dainty (not always) or indulgent (not always). croissants (including chocolate/almond croissants) are Not! Pastries. but carmine, you cry! what are they then? VIENNOISERIES. like wien. you know. the city. we stole them from the austrians like a william years ago. no yeah no it Is a stupid name. still not a Pastry however,
the humble Croissant will sate you in a pleasant but ultimately useful way. it is an Efficient and Unexpensive helpmate for hungry children after school and lovers who want to treat their beloved to a breakfast deserving of the name after a beautiful night and tired grownups who want to find a Reliable and Unexpensive reason not to Kill Themselves and get them through the day.
the frivolous Pastry will be bought and consumed by Relatively Moneyed Workers on their Company-Subsidized Lunch Break, Families who visit their In-Laws on Sundays, and Lovers wishing to Court their Beloved in an Ambitious and Elegant Manner,
Star Wars movies (1977 - ) // The Fallen Angel (detail) - Alexandre Cabanel, 1847
