𝐓𝐨 𝐌𝐲 𝐒𝐮𝐧, 𝐌𝐲 𝐇𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐞 - 𝐏𝐒𝐇
Warning - Terminal illness (Verden’s Syndrome), depression, self-harm, suicide, grief, emotional trauma.
Note - MDNI (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT)/INTERACT AT YOUR OWN RISK/Suicidal Content
Genre - Heavy angst, tragedy, Heartbreak
Pairing - Non-idol Sunghoon x Non-idol Fem!Reader
Song Inspiration - Arcade By DUCAN LAURENCE
They called it Verden’s Syndrome. Some rare, cruel illness that slowly took everything from you—your health, your strength, your breath. A ticking time bomb wired inside your own body. No cure. No timeline. Just a silent war.
When I heard the diagnosis, I didn’t cry. I stared at the white walls, nodded like a good girl, and walked out with shaking hands. It didn’t feel real. It never did. Until I started breaking.
At first, it was small things. Fatigue. Dizziness. Hair loss. Then came the pain. The pills. The weight dropping off. My body became foreign. My reflection, unrecognizable.
I wanted to tell him. I really did.
But Sunghoon looked so tired those days. Always buried in work. Always just a little too distant. I saw the stress in his eyes, the strain in his smile. And I couldn’t… I couldn’t add my pain to his.
So I kept it quiet. Swallowed it down like my meds.
And slowly, he started disappearing.
The boy who once danced with me in the kitchen, kissed my knuckles just because, left post-it notes on the mirror saying “I love you more than the moon”—he stopped calling. Stopped touching. I’d wait by the door at night, heart in my throat, hoping he’d walk in and say, “I’m sorry, I missed you.”
And I didn’t blame him. I was becoming someone else. Hollow. Dull. My smile faded. My voice went quiet. I was fading in every way a person could fade. I hated myself, so why won't he?
The loneliness was a knot in my heart. And I let it tighten.
I stopped taking the pills. I stopped eating. The blade didn’t feel cold anymore—just familiar. My arms bore the things I couldn’t say out loud. My pain.
Sometimes I whispered his name in the dark. Just to hear it echo back. Just to feel something.
I stopped living long before I died.
November 30th – Our Anniversary
I counted every one of them like gold.
And even if he didn’t remember… I did.
I lit the vanilla candle he gave me last year. Wore the hoodie he left on the back of the chair, the one that still smelled like cologne and home. The bedsheets were cold, but I imagined his arms.
I folded the letter with trembling fingers, holding it like a final gift.
Maybe in another life, I’d get to grow old with him.
But in this one… this was our last goodbye.
It was supposed to be perfect.
I skipped my last meeting. Picked up her favorite food. Wrote a dumb little anniversary note like I used to. Bought lilies—the ones she always said reminded her of spring.
I was finally going to make it up to her.
All those nights away, all the silence, all the hurt—I saw it. I knew I’d been distant, and I hated myself for it. But I thought I had time.
I thought she’d be waiting for me.
I thought love would be enough.
I walked into the apartment, smiling like a fool.
The candle flickered faintly on the counter.
I walked to the bedroom, roses behind my back, rehearsing my apology.
The flowers fell from my hands.
My feet moved before my brain did. I knelt by the bed, touched her face—cold. Her lips, blue. Her wrists—
“No,” I whispered, choking. “No, no, no. Please, baby. Please, wake up. I’m here. I’m here now, I’m so sorry—I’m sorry!”
My scream tore from somewhere deep. I held her, cradling her lifeless body against my chest, sobbing into her hair like a child.
Addressed to me in her handwriting.
If you're reading this, then I guess I’m already gone.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything—for not telling you, for breaking your heart, for leaving like this. But this was the only way I knew how to stop the ache.
Verden’s Syndrome. A disease so rare it sounds made up. There's no cure. No treatment that works. Just pain and a slow, quiet end.
I wanted to tell you the day I found out. I looked at you across the dinner table and tried to find the words, but I couldn’t ruin your smile. I couldn’t take that light from your eyes. You already looked so tired, so worn down from work and life, and I—I didn’t want to become just another burden.
And over time, it felt like you were slipping away anyway.
You stopped holding me at night.
You stopped noticing when I cried.
You stopped looking at me like I was still the girl you fell in love with.
Maybe I pushed you away without meaning to. Maybe I became so small you couldn’t see me anymore. I was disappearing, inside and out. Maybe I didn't deserve your love.
I was so alone, Sunghoon.
And it wasn’t your fault—I swear it wasn’t.
I just didn’t know how to keep living when everything inside me was dying.
I tried. I took the pills. I went to appointments. I watched your side of the bed stay empty and still whispered your name.
I waited for you to come home.
I waited for you to notice I wasn’t okay.
And eventually, neither did I.
Today would’ve been our third anniversary. Funny, huh? Three years of memories, laughter, late-night drives, forehead kisses, and soft “I love you”s whispered against skin.
You were my favorite chapter, Sunghoon.
And I’m sorry I couldn’t stay to finish our story.
Please don’t blame yourself. Please don’t hate me.
I loved you with every piece of me—even the broken ones.
I just… couldn’t keep fighting when it felt like I was already dead.
I hope you still chase your dreams. I hope you fall in love again, even if the thought of that makes me ache. I hope you find peace.
And if you ever visit me, bring lilies. I’ll be waiting. Even if you won't come, I'll wait. Always.
Every broken sentence. Every tearstained confession.
The illness. The pain. The silence I never saw. The love she still had for me—even when I abandoned her in the dark.
By the time I finished, I was gasping for air. My heart didn’t feel like it belonged in my chest anymore. Like it shattered and took my lungs with it.
I screamed until my voice broke.
I held her until she turned cold.
And I begged—God, I begged—for time to rewind.
But the universe doesn’t listen to men like me.
So fucking selfish of me, to want her back. But I want it. Need it.
The sky was gray, fittingly cruel.
Everyone had left. The ceremony was short, quiet. Just how she’d want it.
I stayed. With her favourite lilies.
I couldn’t leave her again. Not like before.
The gravestone was simple.
"The brightest light fades the fastest."
Beloved daughter. Beloved lover. Free at last.
I collapsed to my knees before it, fingers brushing the cold stone like it was her skin.
“You knew,” I whispered. “You knew and you didn’t tell me…”
The wind howled through the trees.
“I would’ve carried you,” my voice cracked. “I would’ve quit everything. I would’ve been there, every fucking day. Why didn’t you let me love you through it?”
Tears fell freely, soaking into the soil.
"You thought you were a burden. But you were my whole heart."
I pressed my forehead to the stone.
“I loved you,” I whispered. “I still love you. And I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t show it in time.”
I haven’t touched her side of the bed since.
The hoodie still sits on the chair. The candle, half-burnt. The letter, folded neatly in my wallet—like a ghost I carry everywhere.
Some nights, I still talk to her. Pretend she’s brushing her teeth. Or humming in the kitchen. I pretend she’ll come out and roll her eyes at me for watching something stupid.
But the apartment stays quiet.
This? This is the kind that brands your bones. With you, till death.
“She died thinking I didn’t love her anymore.
And now I have to live every single day knowing that I did.