Just for today, can I say I love you? HTS
pairing: friends elder cousin!Han Taesan x Y/N Pinewood. A bit of Cigar. Vinyls. Turntables. The ring. The smile. The eyes. Him. “Look at you, Y/N still listening to The Beatles and following me into the record store.” warnings: a bit of swearing a bit of crying 'das itttttt words: 4k
This is for my onedoor friend who is so dear to me💕 hbd!
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Spring. 2025
The shabby record store in the quiet neighbourhood of Gwangju is somewhere you find myself reverting to whenever the wind of life takes turns too strong. Your hands trace the doorknob as you push the door open, letting yourself in.
The first thing you notice is the first thing you always notice here. Pinewood. Mixed with a subtle drag of a cigar coming from Mr. Choi’s chapped lips. The walls were covered with all sorts of records, rock, hip-hop, ballads, indie: you name it, he had it. The colourful walls bring you back to the summer of last year.
Your eyes habitually train back to the turn table on the corner to the right. You see a shadow casting near the shelves, the back of a figure switching a vinyl. Before your curiosity escalates, Mr. Choi huffs with a huge grin, setting his cigar down.
“Y/N! Ah, you finally came to visit eh? How’s college been treating ya?”His old frame wobbled out from the front desk and towards you.
“Mr. Choi! I missed you…college is well, you know, college,” you thrust a bag filled with the fruits my mother packed for him. “Mom and Dad say ‘Hi’ too!”
“Young-ins these days, enjoy your college time, yeah? Already complaining about it tsk tsk.”
I roll my eyes playfully as I settle down near the front desk. He gives me a light side hug and the pinewood cologne from his shirt deepens. You let out a sigh.
“This was my favorite place throughout high school… I could listen to whatever music I wanted and feel the music with whoever I wanted…” Mr. Choi chuckles, already peeling the tangerines I got for him.
“No customers today, look through whatever song ya want, kiddo. It’s on the house.”
He pats my head before tossing a slice of the tangerine into his mouth, and walking out of the door- probably to smoke again.
You start looking around the shop, it has been here all my childhood but I only gravitated towards it when You turned freshly fourteen. You remember following Woonhak’s cousin into the store. Your mind drifts back to the hazy yet fresh memories of the previous summer. You wander near the shelves picking up a vinyl when your eyes catch the figure from earlier, it is a man with black hair.
The vinyl drops from my hand, and you yelp. As you go to grab it, another hand picks it up first. A hand with a thin silver ring with the shape of two cat ears. A ring you can recognize anywhere in the world. Your eyes slowly flicker up to the man's face. He blinks before chuckling.
Pinewood. A bit of Cigar. Vinyls. Turntables. The ring. The smile. The eyes. Him.
“Look at you, Y/N still listening to The Beatles and following me into the record store.”
Dongmin. Han Dongmin. The boy who leaves your heart dangling at the edge of a cliff with curiosity.
A boy who was neither my friend nor a foe. Someone who treaded on the line of ‘what if’.
A boy you always noticed, even when the world didn’t care to.
Summer. 2024
“Can you pass the freaking controller to me already, Y/N! You’re losing…” I swiftly kicked Woonhak on the shin. This boy's nagging did not stop. A plate with half eaten pizza sits a little stale from your never-ending gaming.
“Ahhhhh it’s my controller dude, can I just play this round and-” another kick, this time a little above. “You bi-”
“Ya! Are you calling your Noona a bitch? Where did you learn these bad words from?”
“You are NOT older than me Y/N I’m ‘06!”
“Says who?”
“Says me.”
“My ass. I’m March and you’re December. Pipe down, child.”
“I’m not a childddddddddd!” You sigh once again, why were you friends with this absolute fool again? All he has done in your ten-year-long friendship is eat sand, eat your hair, eat his homework, and now progressively eat your snacks. And, maybe sometimes be a little kind and ward off other annoying kids.
As you frantically fiddle with the controller buttons with deep focus, finally you are victorious in your 20th attempt at Mario Kart. “Yes!” You yell in giddiness, Woonhak joining in in the celebration.
“So… you been doing music lately, Woonagi?” You pick up the acoustic guitar from the couch while Woonhak begins playing his round. The guitar looks used up and slightly familiar, the wood having slight scratches that you trace around with your finger.
“Hm? Oh yeah, Hyung is back in town so I asked for some music lessons. He gave me his old guitar too!”
“Hyung who?” You stare blankly for a second before your brain rewires and your eyes widen. You flip the guitar around and see the all-too-familiar letters on the bottom. Scratched unprofessionally onto the wood: HTS.
“Dong-”
“DONGMIN IS BACK?” you shriek a little too loudly for what you’d like to be considered nonchalant. Woonhak raised a brow and eyed you for a solid second.
“Yes. He is. Since when do you care? You know actually, I always found it weird you followed Hyung to Mr. Choi’s store whenever he was back in t-”
“I just really like listening to vinyl, you know?” you defend yourself without looking him in the eye.
“Sure, dude.”
Without sparing your friend another word, you take your jacket off and put your shoes on. You huff contently, glad you wore a nice T-shirt that day instead of your usual rags. Woonhak does not bother looking back, he already knows you are out of breath, running to the record store. Eagerly, he takes a bite out of your neglected pizza slice with a knowing smile.
You were nine years old when you first met Dongmin, it was purely by fate, you like to think. Among all your neighbourhood friends, this slightly taller and shy-er boy always seemed to be around yet never actually play with you and your friends. While playing tag, as everybody ran around, the boy would be found under the slide or near the seesaw, quietly looking at them yet never joining- never. He came and went with Woonhak and soon little you learned that this was his cousin.
As the years flew by you saw less and less of Dongmin until he started visiting in the summers again. The air was warmer and the days were longer. Your naive eyes that perched into the pool of adolescence could not wait for summer to arrive.
Every day at 5 pm, like clock-work you walked to the record store. Hair up in a pony tail, a few strands down, some stolen lipgloss from your sister smeared on your lips. A heart that beat so fast and cheeks that flushed so dearly- all for the boy in the record store. You convinced yourself that it was simply a physical admiration and nothing more.
Once again you’re here, entering your sanctuary called the record store. You spotted a mop
of black hair peeking from above the shelves. He was holding a guitar, it seemed new- you remember Woonhak’s words. He was wearing a pair of black baggy jeans and a band T-shirt, headphones secured around his neck. You stare a little too long at his hair, an oreo mixture with white and black streaks.
“So how many more years is it going to take for you actually to tell me you’re back for the summer?”
He doesn’t look up but you can see his lips perk up into a smile.
“You always seem to find me though.” He replies with a lightness to his voice. His legs are jittery and if you knew any better, you’d say he’s excited to see you too.
Before you can say anything else, he drags another chair and places it beside his. You look at it for a moment and he stares at you expectantly. You sit down.
He hands you an album, “Wanna listen to this? I remember you love Nirvana, don’t you?”
“Not really. I just like it because you do.” His eyes avert, his cheeks and ears get slightly pink. His hand trembles a little, fidgeting with the vinyl. “Oh…I-”
“Let’s listen to beatles instead.” you pick on his stead, he smiles and nods. “You and your beatles obsession.”
“Hey! They’re really good.”
“Yeah. Yeah. I only like ‘em ‘cuz you do.”
Your face crunches into a light scowl, but internally, your heart thumps the fastest it ever has. “Real smart, using my words on me, Dongmin!” You playfully nudge his side. “The hair colour is a look,” you add after a moment of silence. Dongmin bites his lip, flustered. “You like it?”
“Sure. Black suits you best, though.”
There are many reasons you come here annually, and you cannot help but feel a little grateful that you get to see this side of him. The shy smiles, little head scratches and all the things he likes. The four walls of this store just transform you two into a different world.
To everyone else, Dongmin might seem aloof but you could see a whole new side of him- a side only he ever showed to you. A little world with just the two of you. A world where you can notice him with all your might.
You lean into his neck a little, sniffing. “You smell different…?”
“Ah, it’s a new cologne…”
Your eyes narrow, sniffing even closer to his neck. You feel his body stiffening up, but he doesn’t pry you off of him either. “It smells familiar. Where have I smelled that before?”
He sighs a little dramatically. “Fine. It’s Mr. Choi’s.”
“He let you use his cologne?”
“No… I sorta didn’t ask…”
You try not to laugh, “So what I’m hearing is you stole his?”
He bites his lips and looks away, “Ugh, didn’t you say last time you liked the smell of Pinewood? Why’re ya complaining?”
“Why? You put this on ‘cuz I like it?” you say, fluttering your eyes at him and his face turns into a gradient of pink and red. “Well, if you hate it so much-”
“Who said I hate it? Next time just buy one on your own, silly!”
You both burst into fits of laughter, Dongmin smiling widely as he looks at you and back at his guitar. He looks at your smiling figure and his heart tugs, his body gets warm. “Also…I think I’m gonna be a musician, Y/N… I want to be one so badly.”
You stop laughing, a gentle smile replacing your lips. Dongmin who didn’t dare let anyone crack his firm walls, was opening up to you. Slowly shedding his fear and letting you in.
“I- I’m glad you told me this. Did you tell anyone else?”
“No”, he sighs deeply with down cast eyes. “I don’t know how dad will react to it. B-but music, Y/N- I-I i feel so alive when I do it.” His eyes widen and his hands move around, emphasizing.
“I wanna write songs and sing and produce! I wanna do it all, you know?” He continues before you speak. “I even have a stage name all planned out, Han Taesan! My friend Donghyuk and I decided on it a-
You gingerly place your hand over his and look into his eyes. They're round and wobbly, a sheen of moisture over them. You can see his sincerity and passion. You pull him a little closer, fingers intertwining with his.
“I think you should go for it. And I know that you’ll do well, too, Dongmin. I just know it. Or should I say Mr. Han Taesan?”
“Oh stop…do you really mean it though?” you nod again.
The scent of the stolen cologne fills your senses, his breath drawing closer and closer to your face. Now he’s just an inch apart, his long nose almost touching yours. His eyes droop down, looking at your lips. Instinctively, you lick them. Taking a deep breath in, he holds both of your clasped hands up.
It was him who pushed himself onto your frame further, sealing your lips with a haste kiss. The sensation burning you down, from your lips to your toes. You both look at eachother with hushed smiles, your lips touching again- this time more tender and soft. Like, he was trying to savour the moment of your sensation. The rising temperature of your body as his cold hands slipped behind your neck, pushing you close.
The rush of blood propells you two, stumbling down the chairs and ontot the floor. A thin beem of sunlight peeking through the blinds, recohetting over Dongmin's face. He had not looked anymore handsome than he had then, sharp eyes with a softness of a tear strand tirckling down, lips trembling ever so slightly. His gaze stuck on you, fingers gripping your T-shirt, he doesn’t want to let go.
This haven that he found between your arms and within your words, its a blanket as soft as a cloud.
“I-” you start.
“Sor-” he continues.
“That was my first kiss!” you both yell together, faces like two cherries with embarrassment.
“Glad to know I was your first…” you smirk a little as a response and pat his shoulder.
“Thank you for confiding in me, you know? I’m so glad that you trust me.”
He smiles, lips curving to the right a little more- another quirk you have habitually noticed.
The phone in his jean pocket rings thunderously, breaking the serene moment. His smile drops. “It’s dad.” He goes to cut the call.
“It’s okay, just pick it up and tell him where you are. It’s okay, Dongmin…”
He contemplates before swiping to the green button. You can hear all sorts of yelling from the other side of the line. Dongmin doesnt say a word, no, he looks down at his shoes and then to his guitar and then at you. You stay puzzled with his ambiguous expression, trying to touch his hand and mouthing “It’s okay”
He still stares and he stares. The call keeps going without him muttering much.
He slowly retreats his hand away, standing up. He doesn’t look at you anymore. The blanket of clouds that shrouded him now suffocates his very respiration.
“I’ll be back” he half-whispers half-shouts from over his shoulder. You nod eagerly.
You pity with time by watching the hands of the clock tick by, one by one. The sun’s rays have stopped intruding through the blinds, last glimmer of light getting tucked away as the sun sets away for the day. Yet, you keep waiting and waiting. Clinging on to the ambiguous phrase that is, “I’ll be back.”
By 8pm, Mr.Choi comes back, gasping at the sight of you sloutched over, not moving. It takes another hour for your mother to pick you up, a concerned plead over her face to know why her daughter’s eyes were bloodshot red, an apathetic mask.
You want to whine. You want to wait. But, for whom should you stay waiting for? The boy who already left the town? Summer’s endless breeze washed over your sweat ridden body, you carelessly wiped it away hoping it would wipe the memories of this day with it.
Spring 2025
You walking haparzardly in your dorm room, nearly tripping over your own undone laundry.
“I’m telling you, this is NOT a drill! I’m gonna jump out this window.” You want to rip your own scalp out.
Harin stares unfazed, “It’s only three stories, you’ll hardly break a few bones.” You glare but solemnly nod in agreement. “So, what’s this guy’s deal again?”
“I SAW HIM!” you roar out.
“Okay. Like we haven’t established that in the past two hours, girl. Whom did you see? An ex?”
That strikes another nerve, “NO! He’s not an ex. Infact he never dated me! HE.JUST.KISSED.AND.DASHED. UGH!” Your hands move, emphasizing.
“Sounds like an asshole, should I ki-”
“No.Harin. We talked about this. No killing boys.” your friend sulks down on her bed.
“What’s his name and where did you see him?”
“As I said, Han Dongmin and the record stoe near my childhood home.”
“There is no Han Dongmin that I know of. I doubt he goes to our college!”
“Hm…”
“Infact, just forget about him.”
“Not after I threw a vinyl on his face and rushed out the store this morning!”
Harin whinses in return, “Poor guy.” You side eye her. “Not so poor guy!”
You can only pray to the almighty that you don’t see him around again. You spent a good year not seeing him, you like to say to yourself. Feelings of distress and grief replace themselves as time goes on. Hurt turns to remorse and anger turns into melancholy. With the changing seasons and entering college, you decided to put your big-girl pants on and move on.
Near the campus court yard, you and your friends chat on about recent drama as one does. You try to pay attention but the events of this morning weaver your thoughts away.
“Are you even listening, Y/N?” one of your friends nudge your knee.
“I am!”
“What did she say then?” You stare blankly before giving a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry… just have a lot going on in my mind right now.”
“Yeah, Harin told me about your kiss n’ dash boo.” You laugh at the nickname.
“As i was saying, some new kids from Gwanju National University are transferring here. Mostly theatre, music and art kids.”
“Yeah! Ohemgee, did you see the ones in the band? I think they’re Junior years. So hot.”
Band? Since when did your school start caring about bands.
“Y/N weren’t you super into bands in highschool?”
You sigh. “Yeah. Grew out of it. Not my thing anymore.”
“Well it looks like it’s going to be again.” she wiggles her brows suggestively.
You scowl confused.
“Don’t look back but one of the guys from the band is standing there with his guitar and all and he’s been staring you down for the past 10 minutes. He just won’t stop looking!”
“What?” You are ready to turn back but your other friend stops you. “Shush no!”
“Isn’t that the Taesan guy?”
“Yeah I think so too, he’s the one the freshmen girls have been oogling over!”
“WHAT!?” you stand up abruptly, your drink spilling down. You can feel other groups of people pause to stare at you. Your friends look at you with sheer confusion too.
“Girl sit the fuck down, what’s up with you today.” Harin drags your arm down with her.
“Did you just say… Taesan?”
“Yeah… Han Taesan from GNU? Many music majors transferred here, including him. I’m surprised you don’t know this guy since he’s all everyone's talking about- him being so handsome and all.”
You can’t believe your ears.
With a shiver down your spine and a simple prayer to God that you hope it isn’t who you think it is, you turn down- craning your neck uncomfortably. There he is.
Han Taesan. As everyone calls him here. Girls flocked near him, not daring to go too close but still close enough to ogle at him. He was only a few days here and already had a “fan club” established, much unbeknownst to him.
He still wears those baggy clothes and that headphone swung around his neck.
His hair is black again. You frown. He takes a step back when he notices you looking back at him. Sighing for the nth time that day, you drop your bags- not caring about your spilled drink or your surrounding peers. You don’t want to see him- just the mere thought of him brings you back to that day. The warmth, the kiss, the songs and how he just didn’t come back.
You spent all these months mending the wound only for his presence to rip the bandaid open! You turn back, rushing down the stairs at the same speed you used to run to the
record store.
“Y/N- W-where’ya going?”
“Just- I don’t wanna be here.”
“Is it because of Taesan?”
You cringe. “That’s not even his name!”
Behind you, you feel foot steps approaching in a quick pace, slight huffing, and then a thud of something heavy falling. You eye the body of the guitar from your peripheral that was on the ground now.
“Will you please stop ignoring me, Y/N?” a voice pleads from behind you. A voice you know all too well. Your eyes scattered, seeing a crowd form around you. You can hear the freshmen whisper, and the seniors look worried. A snap from a phone shakes you back as you face him angrily. Someone took a picture.
“Listen, seeing you today morning was enough. Can you leave me alone? I don’t like this, okay? Not after what you did.” this part hits him deep.
“Y/N- no-please- I- just hear me out once. Let me confide in you one last time.”
“...”
“Then I’ll go. I won’t bother you!” You feel foreign moisture swell up in your eyes, looking at Dongmin’s state. The same Dongmin who didn’t ever bother correcting people about him or what others thought about him. The same man now stood like a boy with desperate round eyes pleaded before you.
“She played him… didn’t she?” a whisper emerges from the crowd around you two.
“Yeah she always thought she’s better than everyone else anyway!” another anonymous voice spoke. You couldn’t tell who it was, the cluster of people hiding them away. The voices continued to rise, many voicing their opinions on a matter that did not even concern them.
You could almost feel the teardrop fall down, you wanted to hold it in.
“Fuck- Dongmin? See what you’ve done? Now I’m the next rumour…!” you yell at him. He looks even more dejected.
“Dongmin? Who’s Dongmin…?
“Y/N’s probably got a nickname for the new guy or something..”
“Was she always such a slut, though?”
“Enough! You guys are crazy. I will not stand for someone treating Y/N like that.” His eyes grew darker. “Who do you even think you are?” he stares down at a particular girl in the crowd that you don’t know.
Without wasting another second, he grabs your hand, pitifully dragging you away. Gasps emerge, yet you only look down, right where both hands meet. His fingers interlock with yours.
He comes to an abrupt stop, cornering you in the area under a flight of stairs.
“I was scared. Please. I was so scared. I had never been so vulnerable a-and when I kissed you back then, Y/N I swear I felt so crazy. My hands were going to burst- you made me feel so special. Then my dad called and he found out I wanted to pursue music- it was a mess… I couldn’t handle you breaking my heart too I just left and I’m so so sorry I left you I-”
You crash your lips onto his, whincing when it lands on his teeth instead, but you don't budge- you still press on. He deepens the kiss and closes his eyes. A teardrop falls and melts onto your cheek. You get deja vu. After a few seconds, he gently angles out of it, chest heaving. You look at him puzzled. “Just one sec”
He reaches into his pocket to take out a cassette tape, it looked like it was straight out of the 90’s, a thin wired headphone attached to it. “Pfft. Where did you even get that thing?”
You take the cassette in your hands, the date March 31st, 2024 scribbled on it with a sharpie.
“I was gonna give it to you that day.”
He places the vintage-looking headphones over your head. You listen curiously as the tape starts playing. The lyrics have you smiling from ear to ear.
How pathetic
Yeah, I've got it bad
It's not like tomorrow I'll wake up as a brand new person
And to use my memories
To write another song
I just hate it more than dying
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a/n: UNEDITED BECAUSE I LIVE LIFE ON THE EDGE
okay im not a onedoor so this might be ass I'm sorry LMAO hope the taesan lovers like it
#oneurmaniloveyouaisheiterusaranghae
