ruggie's pragmatism has always been a double-edged sword to me. he has a stubborn hope, forged by his difficult circumstances, and an enduring belief in making a better life for himself. at the same time, he's always aware of his own insufficiency due to his lack of resources and limiting circumstances.

he balances between confidence in his own abilities and his survival instincts, and scoffs at people who don't know true hardship or insecurity, who wouldn't survive half as well as he does. he's not ashamed of who he is, and yet he can never shake of the sting and stigma of being the perpetual, scrappy underdog. his hunger is both literal and metaphorical: he will never have enough, and he will always want more.

there's also the knowledge that he has no choice but to press on, because to hesitate or lose faith means failure and death.

honestly, i think ruggie has some unexamined abandonment issues lol. he seems so flippant and mischievous, laughing off any trouble and teasing others without a care in the world. this is a part of him and what he enjoys, that's true, but the carefree demeanor and humor are also a coping mechanism.

he keeps people at a certain distance! it's why he doesn't call people his friends. he doesn't like to initiate things and prefers following rather than leading because then if it blows up, it's not his fault. and he's also calculating enough to throw his lot in with the people who can give him the resources he lacks. he knows what he's missing, and seeks it out in others!

ruggie also always has one foot out the door. he's cunning, and though he has hope, he's also too jaded to really throw himself whole-heartedly into a scheme unless the promise of a reward is guaranteed. stick with the person who'll help you survive, and then jump ship when it's not working out to the next person who can give you what you need.

trust is extremely difficult for him, though i think once earned, he never lets go. he takes care of his own, even at the expense of others. it's a very us vs them mentality that he doesn't shake, because he believes the world is a rigid dichotomy of give or take. so either you're on his side, or you're not. he's using you, or he's being used. it's comforting if he can ascribe things to such simple logic rather than rely on something as unpractical and fickle as sentiment. never give someone the power to hurt you!!

"You're staring, darling. Do you see something you like?"

"No, it's just... I don't remember Helen being so tall…”