Chapter 1
The familiar sound of the cork could be heard from my place on our spiral steps. A heavy sigh left my lips as I simply debated even going down.
Once again, she had proved me right. She proved to me that she just couldn't give up this — this stupid habit.
A habit that would slowly kill her. I rolled my eyes. I couldn't careless. I was done crying and worrying over someone who didn't give a shit about themselves.
I huffed, continuing to make my way down the spiral.
"So how do you like the house?" My judgmental, drunk of a mother instantly ask me as soon as my left foot hit the last step.
"I love it. It's different." I say in a soft voice. Eyeing the grey that adorned the walls of the new done kitchen.
I honestly hated it. It was too dull, boring even. It needed a vibrant color, or we could settle for a muted one, but I wouldn't tell her that.
It would probably push her past the brink of what little sanity she had left. Mentally, I curse myself for drifting off again. I always do when talking to her nowadays.
"I love it too. Thanks honey." I tune her out again as she threw back another sip of the Stella Rose wine. She loved that wine. It seemed all the rage these days, but I wouldn't know.
Drinking isn't something I partake in. . . I don't really partake in anything really.
I thought it was stupid. Drowning yourself to the point your stumbling and shit faced.
How was that any fun? Rolling my eyes, I move away from her to go watch the movers move our furniture in-and-out of the new house my mother just bought a few months ago.
Like I said, I hated it. I feel like it was an impulse buy given our situation. It was also way smaller than the one I grew up in - It didn't give me that warm cozy feeling when you stepped through the entrance.
What it felt like was the nature I grew up surrounded by had been sucked right out of me. Forcefully. No streams, no birds chirping, no sounds of branches bristling together making the beautiful song of nature.
Just a modernized neighborhood with barely any trees.
'Barely anything' More importantanly. My home. . .It held memories.
Important ones. Ones that I cared for deeply and ones that I damn sure didn't want to let go of. Never. The ache in my heart threatens my emotions to break all over again.
For the umpteenth time, I force myself to swallow the hard lump that forms in my throat.
. . .We just left him there. The guilt now settling in on my conscious eats away at me.
And I could feel the dark emotion try to take over, so I quickly did what I did best. I stuffed it down in the deepest parts of my mind. It's something I grown to do quite often now.
Something you should probably stop.
But I wouldn't. I mean I couldn't anyways. I've grown way too comfortable — too attached really.
'Fuck! I'm drifting again.'
I snap myself out of this stupid daze I seem to catch myself in ever so often. I can't seem to fight away the blur that consumes me. Pushing me far into the back of my mind.
It's scary really. I go so far back that, I can never seem to hear around me.
I'm just. . . stuck. . . .
See, I almost did it again.
My tongue darts to wet the dry skin of my lips as my first act back into the real world.
'I wonder how long I was out for.'
I walk back upstairs into my bedroom once more since I was bored.
It was pretty nice and I couldn't wait to make it my favorite part of the house. Despite hating it.
This still didn't make me feel any better though. It just made me feel ten times ⓢⓗⓘⓣⓣⓘⓔⓡ.
The next few hours go by in a blur. My body moved back and forth around the room. Not daring to stop until most of my things were at least put up and out of the way.
I hated that I had the constant urge to perfect everything. It stressed me out of things were misplaced or dirty so I always made it my job to clean and tidy up just because.
"Imani!" Jumping from my spot on the floor, I turn towards my mother who holds another full cup of wine.
"Sorry dear, I didn't mean to scare you-" She pauses to take a sip. "-Are you finished?"
She stepped into my room and began looking around---inspecting.
I could already see where this was headed.
Another reason why I hated her drinking habits.
She always started shit. Too much shit.
Over the littlest things at that. Just because she didn't like the way a picture was crooked, or maybe it was because I put too many ice cubes in her water.
She wasn't always like this. Well, I lied, but not really. She wasn't always like this all the time, but she definitely got worse.
The little world that we had crumbled when he left us. Another pang of hurt spread through my chest causing me to bury it away again.
"You are nothing like him y'know." She sneers. 'Ugh, here we go.'
"You're just a lazy good for nothing."
She stumbled a little bit, giving me just enough information to know just how drunk she is."
Just her bringing him up let me know she was pretty wasted. Another thing I would have to deal with tonight.
She would rage, and soon after, glass and broken chairs would be everywhere.
Alongside the stuffing I'm sure she'd rip out from the couch cushions.
Then she would drink herself to the point of passing out.
I sigh. 'Yes. Leave me to clean.'
And all she will do in the morning, is spend what little money we had left to replace the damage I could not.
'I love her, but she could go to hell.'
I could see where this is going and I'm not staying around to find out how it ends.
The nice clean pile, that I just folded, soon flies past my face. It had begun. The tantrum. The one that I've become very accustomed too.
"Mom, I don't have time for this, get out!"
Soon, in an instant, I had realized that my face was not facing my mother anymore, now it was facing my tv that hung on the wall.
'Wow. . . I did a pretty good job.' I almost want to smile at the good handy work I did. All while ignoring the sting.
"You think this is something to smile about!?" 'Damn, did I smile just now?'
The release on the coners of my lips drop down causing me to realize that. . . yeah, I did smile.
But not because of her, but she didn't need to know that.
It wouldn't matter anyway.
She'd still do what she wanted.
"Don't you ever disrespect me again. This is MY HOUSE." She rolled her neck, getting louder the closer she got to my ear.
Slapping me again, before she went on to throw freshly folded clothes and boxes of jewelry, books, bags. Anything in sight really.
All my hard work. Work that I'd spend hours cleaning.
I felt my heart beating rapidly against my chest.
Keeping myself cool was not one of my favorite things to do.
It required a consecutive amount of focus---without interruption in order for me to fully calm down.
Constantly being provoked while trying to stuff the negative emotions down. . .
Wasn't good for me. Like at all.
It brought the damn closer to breaking.
And I knew it would only be a matter of time before I cracked and spilt over.
I listened silently to the crickets that chirp every second. It was quiet as I walked down the dark dimly lit streets.
Currently I was picking the rest of the glass from my finger. I had gotten the many shards from the glass my mother proceeded to break after destroying my room.
As I walked, my vision blurred from the tears that clouded my eyes.
I don't know why I was crying.
It was always the same thing pretty much everyday.
Its not like our life used to be perfect but it was better than what it is now.
It's like time flew way over my head. I couldn't comprehend how fast we all went downhill.
Checking my phone, I see that it's going on 12:30 in the morning, but I didn't care. It was too sufforcating in the house.
The house that I hated so much.
Better yet, I hated California.
I'm miss my quiet little town of Florence Orgeon.
At least there we were happier. 'I guess'
I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. I kept going deeper and deeper into the back of my head. Closing everything out.
So far back that I didn't realize I had slumped myself next to a body on the public park bench.
It wasn't until the sound of a flicker could be heard next to me---Soon followed by the funky smell of a cigarette.
I lulled my head towards the source.
The drowned out sound that blocked all noise from my ears started disappearing.
Surprisingly enough, the person next to me was already looking my way. Pulling me away from my depressing thoughts and causing me to be more alert.
The hairs all over my body stand on end as I take him in. Watching the way he takes a drag of the small white stick, before blowing it all out.
His cold hazel eyes staring into my own green irises caused my heart to pick up it's pace.
I noticed his eyes began to drift and look me over, so I tool the chance to do the same.
He was. . . handsome. Gorgeous even. Like a perfectly sculpted statue that I wanted on my private display.
He had a mop of dark brown hair that was half way covered by his hood. His body was lean but you could tell he was muscular and fit by the way his clothes hung to him. From what I could see, he also had two diamond studs in his ears.
'Damn I hate myself for staring. Get a grip.'
But I couldn't. Not when those pink plump lips that adorned his face were calling out to me.
As if they wanted me to kiss them.
'I wonder how soft they are.'
A smirk formed on his lips and I flick my eyes back to his. I watched as he took another drag from the cigarette before he leaned back agaisnt the bench with a large exhale leaving his lungs.
I didn't honestly understand why, but I just felt the need to say something to him.
The urge to get him to respond and hear the bass of his voice sends chills down my spine.
"Can I hit that?" You don't even smoke idiot.
'Doesn't matter' I shot back to noone in particular.
I did ask a stupid question though.
Because one--- I hated cigarettes and two---What stranger would share their cigarette with me.
Anyways. I just wanted to hear his stupid voice.
Once again he looked me over. His trail going to my bloodied hands in my lap before his fixed his eyes on my face again.
Just as I was about go ask again, he flicks the cigarette away, stomping on it before he gets up walking away.
He at least could've just said no instead of being a dick.
. . . ugh. I hate California.