Allright friends. I think as of right now my hiatus from the internet will begin in Ernest. I posted a bit earlier in my blog but I'm just kind of exhausted with fandom. Today was the perfect reminder that my family and life are too exhausting to deal with and the internet at the same time. And to be honest. My suicidal tendencies are coming back. I'm slipping in my drinking again. There's just something about fandom and what it's become that makes my depression rear it's ugly head. I'll still check on my forum every now and again but for now. I just want to focus on my writing. I'll open my asks again in case anyone needs to message me but I think I need to commit this time. Thank you so much for the discussions and support! You all mean the world to me and I hope you have a lovely rest of your holiday season!

Just gonna reblog this one last time so it's at the very top. I had to log back in very briefly to deal with someone stealing my fics on wattpad 😑. I sent them a message here and there asking them to delete the fics. Which they did. And then they started sending me really nasty messages and to the point where I am a bit concerned for my safety. So asks are off again. Fortunately the matter is almost entirely resolved but basically my two month hiatus needs to be more like a year 😅 Please keep an eye on my pinned post for any updates! Love you all 😋

I received a number of comments and dm's like this since I mentioned the other day that I feel like giving up on (sharing) my writing, having even deleted a lot of progress I made on my projects and that I'm playing with the thought of deactivating this blog entirely. I see that these comments and messages are meant to cheer me up, but I found myself sadder and more frustrated with each note of this kind I received. So, I sat with these feelings and tried to figure out why they made me feel worse instead of better (because the expression of interest is something that should help). And I figured it out (this is nothing against anyone who sent me a message like this and certainly not against the author of this specific comment. The metaphor used here is just very helpful in expressing my feelings).

It's not that 'an angel lost their wings yet again.' The wings are fine and function. But the angels aren't provided with enough emotional and mental nourishment to give them the energy to fly. It's less about losing something and more about being actively drained.

When people say things like “If you change your mind," "take your time," or "step back and find your confidence again," they might sound supportive at first (and I'm sure they have the best intentions), but they miss the root of my problem. No matter how long a break I take, the same issue will remain: if I come back recharged with fresh energy and maybe even confidence that this time I have something that is good enough at last, I’ll only drain on the lack of feedback that will inevitably follow the moment I share again.

It isn't writing or the act of creating that's burning me out—it’s the constant lack of meaningful engagement that leaves me drained and feeling like an utter failure. Confidence can’t grow in isolation; it thrives on connection, thoughtful responses, and reciprocal energy. Ressonance is so essential and I'd rather have dissoance at this point than silence. When all offered is passive consumption or vague encouragement, it’s like being told to rebuild yourself in a vacuum, only to face the same cycle of indifference when you return.

Thank you for this constructive criticism. Confidence is definitely a new feeling for me and often time I feel like im being annoying when commenting or reblogging. But truly engagement (and specifically the type of engagement you outlined here) is the best way to help writers feel welcome. This is extremly helpful as always!

Hello my friend! I just popped back in to check on something real quick and I saw your notification! One thing I have always struggled with in terms of breakups in fiction is that they rarely highlight the fact that even though you hate them (depending on the nature of the relationship) despise them even it doesn't mean that you just stop loving then. And with Vi's anxious-avoidance attachment style she really took a risk with Caitlyn. She took a gamble that someone would love her...and stay. And she lost. As devastating as that is there's probably a part of her brain that still loves Caitlyn, and perhaps secretly, still has faith that she may come around. And part of being in abusive relationships means that oftentimes you repeat the same patterns over and over again with different partners in an effort to prove you are loveable. I love that you highlight this aspect of their relationship. Vi can't let go of the ring...because she can't really let go of Caitlyn just yet. From what we've been shown this might be her first relationship. Her first love her first heartbreak. We all remember how hard that was. How devastating no matter how old we were. And Vi had so many of her teenage years stolen by being imprisoned which adds more complexity to this. I love the quote "Where lives seeped dry so Piltover could shine." Because that is their dynamic at its core right? Caitlyn needs validation and unconditional support from Vi in order to shine. She truly bled her dry. Reminds me of my relationship with my last boyfriend. And trust me bled my dry in so many ways. It took me years to recover. I've also always wondered if Vi has a similar condition to Jinx. Not quite the same (although I don't remember if it was ever confirmed if she had schizophrenia) but perhaps at least susceptible to auditory hallucinations. We saw a potential hint at this when she and Caitlyn are in her old house in season 1. After she experienced significant blood loss. And of course alcohol can only enhance these symptoms. I wonder how Vi would behave if she were drunk in this situation. Would she start yelling at voices that weren't there? Would she start crying, pulling her hair? What if Jinx was watching secretly? Much like the bridge scene in season 1? I won't be back on until next year unfortunately but thank you for what you were able to post so far. You have a real talent for writing and I'm excited to engage again eith your work upon my return!

Allright friends. I think as of right now my hiatus from the internet will begin in Ernest. I posted a bit earlier in my blog but I'm just kind of exhausted with fandom. Today was the perfect reminder that my family and life are too exhausting to deal with and the internet at the same time. And to be honest. My suicidal tendencies are coming back. I'm slipping in my drinking again. There's just something about fandom and what it's become that makes my depression rear it's ugly head. I'll still check on my forum every now and again but for now. I just want to focus on my writing. I'll open my asks again in case anyone needs to message me but I think I need to commit this time. Thank you so much for the discussions and support! You all mean the world to me and I hope you have a lovely rest of your holiday season!

Funny how uncritical and defensive the 'arcane critical' folks suddenly are about themselves and their peers when someone raises a mirror at them.

Funny how unsupportive they, the champions of calling out the writers for their poor handling of narratives and power dynamics, suddenly are if they are confronted with the implications of their own or their peer's/mutual's harmful rhetoric.

Almost like you're not above what you call out. Curious...

If you fail to apply the same level of critique you extend to others to your own behaviors or rhetoric (or that of your moots/peers), you have no ground to pride yourselves on being analytical or holding media accountable.

I know, self-reflection is hard, painful, and anything but fun. It isn't fun to confront the fact that everyone fucks up once in a while. But it's necessary for growth and developing compassion.

Take a page from your own book and follow your advice: learn to sit with the discomfort, take accountability, and transform it into something productive.

You know it's bad if even the voice actor start gaslighting us