The most typical of the Raipela’s customers tells a common enough tale about the overly hectic pace of everyday life and its grueling requirements. There’s simply not enough time for others.
“Time isn’t set aside for being side by side or in each other’s arms,” says Jouni Raipela. “Other values take precedence over caring for the relationship.”
Closeness is an important factor in a relationship, from birth the grave, according to the psychotherapist couple.
“The importance of touch to little babies has been studied, and I don’t understand why in adult humans that would diminish,” continues Jouni Raipela.
When mutual affection isn’t outwardly visible, it’s not being seen as important enough to nurture, says his partner and fellow relationship therapist, Elli Raipela.
Getting help
Psychotherapists Elli and Jouni Raipela have worked in couples counseling for a long time. They say that if intimacy and sex is missing for a couple of a relationship, it’s something that's always on the minds of both partners.
“One client responded that he thinks of sex many times a day, but that the last time is difficult to remember,” says Elli Raipela. “It’s very important that the problem is addressed as early as possible, or else after many years you might not dare to talk about the issue.”
Yet having a talk about the problems may even lead to a swift resolution.
“Speaking about issues and voicing problems is a big thing,” says Jouni Raipela. “We provide people with the words and the courage to talk to their other half.”
Women talk, men seek a solution
Women and men both need to remember that there are big differences in how the other tends to deal with problems.
“Women talk, discuss and solve their problems out loud,” says Elli Raipela. “Men attempt to solve problems immediately, even when the most important thing might be just to listen. In fact, I tell men to listen to their woman for fifteen minutes a day.”
Daily praise and gentle words are equally important. Elli Raipela says that couples should even video their daily interaction around the house.
“From the outset of the relationship always speak beautifully, give praise and admiration openly – this doesn’t need to change over the years,” she advises.
In a good relationship there’s always room for disputes
Quarelling or crisis doesn’t have to lead to high drama.
“It’s always also a great opportunity for someone to have a new start. No dispute should be avoided or feared,” continues Elli Raipela. Instead, issues should be brought into the open.
“Don’t allocate blame or scorn – you have to know how to resolve things skilfully,” adds Jouni Raipela.