turn on.

a week of rice consumption.

no kilometers of jogging.

runny nose.

headache.

sore throat.

non-stop eating coz i couldnt taste anything.

what did i became now?

FAT!

gosh~

ok2.

i give u a chance to call me fat now.

aishh~

my aunt said.

"pipi dah tembam."

i was like,

"damn!"

huhuhu~

my big bro dh kawen.

so pasni,my turn?

no,no,no.

wait for 7-8years lagi k mak?

heheheh~

finished uploading d pics.

surprisingly,few pics of me.

hahaha.

bcoz of d hot weather n my health condition.

so not into cam-whoring during d event.

later guys.

need some rest.

*after reviewing 4jurnals of sociology*

toddles!~

mode:: paksarela.

p/s:: rindu sayang kamu! :)

swings.

stupid belle.
diz is wut happen when u hope too much.
especially on sumthing dat obviously u cant get.
stop it would u nabilah?
urghhh!!!~

PMS.
gastric.
fever.
runny nose.
blurred vision.
mood swings.
lack motivation.
mixed up situation.
guess what i became?
a walking dead body n soul.

i changed my mood.
in d middle of d crowd.
during a bowling game.
so sudden.
n it affects my performance.
damn!

was it bcoz of me missing him too much?
or is it bcoz of MU played a super suck game with Everton?
but i know it wasn't bcoz of em boys teasing me.
hmmm~

nothing could make me super happy now.
(not even chocs,ice cream n large slurpee.)
nothing could make me smile a really sincere smile.
nothing.
nothing.
nothing.
coz i know dat only 1 thing dat could do dat.
me,him,us n d sweet moments.. :'(

few months more.
then we'll have our own separate future.
time will tell us all.
need to be strong.
(which is apparently d only thing i sucked in doing now)
plz just dun ask me to do dat.
i wont.
got me?
i wont.
coz i cant!

mode:: mood swings.

p/s:: plz mr mood,come back.i missed u.. :'(

ku hilang dalam ramai....~

lost.

in d middle of my midsem break.

so0o0o0o0 very very very BORING!

so used with all d tense and works.

not very into d rest mode n so all.

haha.

masa berseronok dngan rakan2.

came out d typical Qs.

ouh,plz la!

i nyampah taw x??

hey2.

stop all dat plz?

grow up.

kalau my lyfe mmg boring as it is.

biar la!

yg ko nk semak nape?

ryte now.

i'll be following d rhythm of lyfe.

if it sucks.

i'll try to make it alive.

if it's full of happiness.

i'll try to freeze d tyme.

*hahaha*

i really2 wanna be Aphrodite & Athena.

both at 1 tyme.

so wut if a goddess cant have 2 powers at a tyme.

i want what i want.

typical lyfe.

dilemma.

confused.

which one?

what else?

is it okay?

what should i do?

what if it's not enuff?

too many questions.

but no answers.

big F n S!

so peeps.

follow d flow ok?

tired of making new drama in my lyfe.

stick to d old one ayte?

tired of being d girl on demand (G.O.D).

aishh~

tralalalala...

a text dat make me laugh like there's no tomorrow.

"time to be strong belle.being a smoking hot babe is not easy.just stick to what ur heart wants.all d tyme."

i replied."oit,apakah kemengarutan itu?"

rasa cam nak sepak laju2.

one more bad habit.

skang ni cepat je melenting.

asal salah sket memang ringan je tangan menggeletar dan mulut terketar2.

nak taw nape?

sebab selama ni aku asek sabar.

sabar.sabar.sabar.

sampai baby fat korang berkumpul dengan banyak & gembiranya.

lupa ada yang perlu tahan tahap dewa dewi ngan prangai korang.

so no more ok??

mode:: melayang2 ditiup angin kehidupan.

p/s:: need to be her again.support me guys!

circle of lyfe.never look back!

enough.

being strong is all i need to do.
especially for my mom.
do remember dat nabilah.
dats all dat matters now.

she said dat i need to stop letting others taking advantage of me.
bcz i'm exactly lke her.
letting people around us taking advantage for their own benefits.
not mutual benefits.

i need to forget my prob from now on.
need to start living live to d fullest.

i'll start everything again.
karate-Do.
dancing.
cycling.
basketball.
1000pcs jigsaw puzzle.
seashells.
poems.
collecting HappyMeal collectibles set.
korea/japan/taiwan movies.
stupid comics.
etc.etc.etc.

now i remember how my lyfe was before.
i did every single thing.
meet every stranger.
trying every single new thing i'm curious about.
enjoying sleepless nytes for almost a week doing absolutely nothing.

dats U,ayte nabilah?

my past haunt me back.
i'm not really happy bout it ok?
it's bcz i'm not stable yet.
emotionally n physically.
so,i dun need another type of disturbance in any kind of way.

i'm sorry if diz blog were filled with stupid emotions entries.
but i'm keen to write off my feelings rather than telling stories to others.
not really good at dat part.
i really need to improvise didnt i?

therefore.
i'm sorry for all d harsh words.
i'm sorry for not acting as a lady.
i'm sorry for being stupid.
i'm sorry for being so weak.
so sorry.
truly am.

i would like to say thanx.
to whom it may concern.
for ur love n concern.
for being kind n caring.
for supporting n listening.
for everything.
i appreciate it all very much.
tq! :)

mode:: searching for a lost soul.

p/s:: there's a guy who make me startled at d ATM just now.suddenly asking my hp num.offering to send me back home for diz mid-break.wut??

"Sometimes we have to run away from all..Not just to create distance..but also to see that who cares enough to run along behind!"

mess.

why is that a soldier dies happily in a battle?

why do we run to help a friend even after bitter quarrel?

why do we feel pleasure in hurting the one we love?

why are we consoled only when we are consoled by the one who made us cry?

why do we love our loved one, even when they hate us?

because,

some defeats are sweeter than victory.

just feel it.

love it.

live it.

mode:: tired.

p/s:: sum1 said i'm a hot mess.wut was dat supposed to 
mean?

tell me.

Yeah, oh yeah
Alright, oh, oh, oh

It's amazing how you knock me off my feet, hmm
Every time you come around me I get weak, oh yeah
Nobody ever made me feel this way, oh
You kiss my lips and then you take my breath away
So I wanna know

I wanna know what turns you on
So I can be all that and more
I'd like to know what makes you cry
So I can be the one who always makes you smile

Girl he never understood what you were worth, hmm no
And he never took the time to make it work
(You deserve more loving, girl)
Baby I'm the type of man to show concern, yes I do, oh
Anyway that I can please you let me learn
So I wanna know

Tell me what I gotta do to please you
Baby anything you say I'll do
Cause I only wanna make you happy
From the bottom of my heart, it's true

I wish that I could take a journey through your mind, alright
And find emotions that you always try to hide babe, oh
I do believe that there's a love you wanna share, oh, oh
I'll take good care of you lady, have no fear, oh
So I wanna know..

schweet ayte?
but it's just words huh?
diz kind of prince charming didnt exist no more.
or am i blind enuff to see one?
hmm~

btw,it's a song from Joe-I wanna Know.
gosh,i truly am hitting on diz song.
it always touched my heart me every time i plugged my ears with my songs.

hey2.
enuff of d feelings,emotions n all dat.
i'm done.
okay?

save me would u?
save me from myself.
plz mr boifie?

aint gonna kill myself.
but i'm going to open up.
not like before.
yet still,m going to be me.
it's good ayte? :)

i get startled inside.
fate has finally found me.
n ur voice is all i can hear n remember.
hoping to get wut i deserved.
as i've given d chance for u n God to connect d space between us.
again~

so damn lazy now.
not in d mood finishing my essay to present after CNY holiday.
not in d mood theorizing European integration.
wut else?
not in d mood of eating sumting heavy too!

gosh.
make me believe i'm not FAT,sumbody?
make me not being too self-conscious too.
fear of eating is not good.
trust me.
coz u'll end up stuffing all d fattening foods in ur mouth when ur not doing sumthng.
*sigh*
i did just dat.
i could like eat everything n not feeling full.
n d next damn day.
i wont be eating anything.
n not feeling hungry.
just bcz i stuffed almost everything inside me d day before.

just wanna be happy.
just wanna be me.
just wanna be MYSELF again.

d one gurl who is so carefree.
d one who dun give a damn bout wut others saying.
d one who is so not really am normal.
d one who is superbly hyper all d tyme.
where is SHE??

mode:: teraba2.mencari diri sendiri.

p/s:: always holding on to d pic of both of us.n still believe there's still hope n love.

make me.

I can't go any further than this
I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish
 

I spent my time just thinkin' thinkin' thinkin' bout you
Every single day, ´cause I'm really missin' missin' you
And all those things we use to, use to, use to, use to do
Hey girl, what's up, we used to used to be just me and you
I spent my time just thinkin' thinkin' thinkin' bout you
Every single day, ´cause I'm really missin' missin' you
And all those things we use to, use to, use to, use to do
Hey girl what's up yo... what's up, what's up, what's up

Can you meet me halfway, right at the borderline
That's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin' out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further than this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Girl, I travel round the world and even sail the seven seas
Across the universe I go to other galaxies
Just tell me where to go, just tell me where you wanna meet
I navigate myself myself to take me where you be
Cause girl I want I, I... I want you right now
I travel uptown (town) I travel downtown
Wanna have you around (round) like every single day
I love you always,

Can you meet me half way

Right at the borderline
That's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin' out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further than this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Let's walk the bridge, to the other side
Just you and I (just you and I)
I will fly, fly the skies, for you and I (for you and I)
I will try, until I die, for you and I, for you and I, for for for you and I,
For for for you and I, for for you and I, for you and I

Meet me half way, right at the borderline
There's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin' out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further than this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

totally lurve d lyrics!
every single word~

forgot that i havent been eating serious food for nearly a week now.
guess i better be fasting ayte?
hahaha

stupid belle.

be strong.

stop killing urself would u?

i hate u.

i hate u.

i truly am hating u ryte now.

seriously hating u nabilah.

totally am!

am in a process of HEART SECURITIZATION.
am pretending dat sum1 can save me from myself.
am pretending being collected.
am pretending being happy.
am pretending dat i'm strong.

pretend.
pretend.
pretend.
dats all dat i can do ryte now.


feels like throwing away my Nokia E71.
it's useless.
even though it's  reloaded and fully charged.
but i dun think i need it.
u think?

i wish i can be her again..so carefree.HELP??

mode:: searching for us.

p/s::  make me fall for u...again!~ pweez??

reflection.

why am i acting like diz?
i dont know wuts wrong with me.
i'm not myself lately.
seriously not me.

i'm hating every single stupid jokes people make.
i'm hating every couple dat walks by in front of me.
i'm hating every forced smile i have to give to em.
i'm hating every phone calls i received just to make sure i'm alive.
i'm hating every text msgs dat put a hope on me.

thanx for d concern guys.
but i'm not ready yet.
not ready to feel collected again.
i'm falling apart each second.
even though i tried to be strong.

tell me how can i be strong and stand up high again?
tell me how can i do dat on my own?
tell me how can i be me again?

i did everything.
shisha.
loud music.
watch football.
futsal.
mingling around.
it was fun.
but it's not enuff for me.

"wut else nabilah?wut makes u happy?"

i hate myself for not knowing how to answer diz questions.

enuff is enuff.
cant pretend anymore.
cant be a nice person again.
cant stand being used all along.
cant take it anymore.

say all u want.
but i wont smile if u dont.

hate me with all ur heart.
i just wouldnt care less.

talk shits behind my back.
just wait for karma to happen.

being more n more heartless.
oh wait!
it's not dat way.
i'm being d way people treat me.
i'm reflecting u people.
cool huh?
hahaha~

all d things i used to do.
never been appreciated.
so,wut else should i do?
better get going ayte?

going offline now.
dun feel like talking to u.
or u,neither to u n u.
dun bother to try to talk to me.

i love diz song.

Alicia Keys-Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart

Even if you are a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
Near me, touch me, feel me

And even at the bottom of the sea
I could still hear it inside my head
Telling me, touch me, feel me
And all the time, you were telling me lies

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Have you ever try sleeping with a broken heart?
Well you could try sleeping in my bed
Lonely, own me, nobody ever shut it down like you

You wore the crown, you made my body feel heaven bound
Why don't you hold me, need me
I thought you told me, you'd never leave me

Looking in the sky I could see your face
And I knew right where I fit in
Take me, make me, you know that I'll always be in love with you
Right till the end

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Anybody could've told you right from the start it's 'bout to fall apart
So rather than hold on to a broken dream or just hold on to love
And I could find a way to make it, don't hold on too tight
I'll make it without you tonight

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you 

mode:: lost

p/s:: i miss how i used to feel!! :(

vacation.

just came back from a 2day vacation.
a tiring journey.
(bangi-kulai-kota tinggi-mersing-kulai-shah alam-bangi)
but it was superb!
great time.
great people.
great view.
low network coverage+less vibration+less noise+calm n peaceful beach+cool campsite.
less technology people. :)
*seriously less pics.wut a surprise huh??hahaha*

back to work.
it's february.
exactly 3 more months before d end of final exam.
exactly 6 more months before graduating.
*hopefully*

be with me.
motivate me.
get crazy with me.
do everything with me.
coz diz is d only tyme i've left here.
coz i dun noe wut would i do after diz.
coz i dun noe where on earth i shall place myself after diz.

i noe there's something's wrong with me.
i dun noe y i acted like diz.
but i noe diz is me.

THE OLD ME.

if u think i'm wrong being like diz.
change me.
make me be a better person.

kept humming diz song.

Lenka- Anything I'm Not.

I will never be
I will never be tall
No
And I will never be
Never ever
Be sure of it all
Oh, why is the world
So cruel to me
When all
All I ever want to be
Is anything I'm not

Gimme a break
A little escape
I am so tired
Of being me
I wanna be free
I wanna be new
And different
Anything I'm not
I'm not

I will never be
I will never be you
No
I will always be
I will always be me
That I know
But oh
Even though
I'm happy being me
I want to get away
From all
This harsh reality
Oh

Gimme a break
A little escape
I am so tired
Of being me
I wanna be free
I wanna be new
And different
Anything I'm not

mode:: santai abes.

p/s:: trying to be a person dat i'm not.wish me luck!

 

latest crazy session-290110