Clark’s favourite post-big-mission-destress is using his super hearing to tune in to whatever bullshit Bruce has to deal with on the batplane ride back to Gotham with whatever batkids were on hand during the fight.

I think Jason's identity as Red Hood being revealed to Gotham could be really fun if it happened in the beginning. like, after Batman finds out Jason's alive but before Jason actually goes through with any of his revenge threats, imagine if there was a big fight that Red Hood had to get involved in that ended up crashing some fancy Wayne event, and ofc Jason wins but in the process his helmet and mask somehow get removed and he's left completely maskless in front of high Gotham society. And of course, because nobody knows how to mind their fucking business, multiple people loudly exclaim 'hey, doesn't this crime lord look a lot like an older bulked up version of Brucie's dead kid?'

an unmasked Red Hood and civilian Bruce Wayne stare at each other silently, and Jason has to make a fucking decision here. Because yeah, fuck, his identity's down the drain. they've clocked that he's Jason Todd, and if this had happened to anyone else in the family this would be code red all over, because that's an immediate connection between the bats identities and Bruce, but Jason specifically? he's supposed to be dead. technically if he played it right, he could still clear Bruce of any suspicion of being involved with vigilantes and crime lords. the bottom line is, as much as he hates Batman for failing him, there are lines you just don't cross, and snitching on identities is the biggest line out there. both Bruce and Jason clock this realisation within two seconds of Jason's identity being revealed, and they both simultaneously realise what needs to happen here. namely, the performance of their fucking lives.

i'm imagining fake-dating-while-secretly-enemies comedy movie level of shenanigans, where Brucie Wayne is suddenly thrust into the role of publically finding out that his son is alive for the first time, and getting all emotional and welcoming him home, and Jason has to somewhat go along with it to save their public identities getting tied to a crime lord/vigilante. he makes up some story on the spot about how he'd been kidnapped and brainwashed (he wasn't completely stretching the truth really) and was basically under mind control that he'd only just snapped out of, and he basically blames all the crime lord shit on that. of course that's a shitty excuse, but this is Gotham, and Bruce has been crying over his son coming back from the dead for the past twenty minutes, so the entirety of the city collectively go 'that's fair' and accept it without question. Jason figures he can still go back to his night life even with Red Hood scrapped, because again, Gotham. he'll just pick a different outfit and name and start going out again in like a month and nobody will question it.

in the meantime, he's stuck playing beloved son back from being MIA, pretending to be all happy family with Bruce for interviews and events all the while the second they're not being watched they switch back to being very much Not On Good Terms.

he's exactly the same with the others by the way. Dick was also at that first gala, and he immediately saw this as his big opportunity to get his little brother back, bursting through the crowds and rushing to give Jason a hug. Jason claps his back and mumbles in his ear that he just slapped a small explosive onto his shirt and if Dick moves to quickly, it will set off the sensor and trigger the explosion. Dick knows Jason's probably lying, but articles still say the eldest Wayne kid moved very stiltedly for the rest of the evening, something they attributed to nerves and high strung emotions at finding out Jason wasn't dead.

basically I just want the Wayne family to be forced into the situation of having to pretend everything's fine publically while having Jason 'I'm physically restraining myself from strangling you rn' Todd at their side who's grinning and baring their company despite the fact that he hates each and every one of them. his only outlet is silent threats and subtle sabotage and the rest of the family is visibly struggling to restrain him everytime they're seen in public. Bruce and Dick decided to go full throttle with the emotional displays and Jason promises to make them suffer for it. Tim is just tired.

Damian grew up listening to Jason telling stories of his time with Bruce, and being the competitive little shit that he is decides he has to one up the guy once he gets to Gotham. this leads to him waiting until the perfect opportunity and proceeding to steal the tires off not just the batmobile, but all the vehicles in the cave. he pulls it off perfectly and he’s incredibly proud of it UP UNTIL Dick and Tim start panicking that Jason Todd’s vengeful ghost is clearly haunting the cave and is clearly agitated at Damian being the new Robin- after all, he only started fucking with things after Damian took the mantle, so he must have disapproved, right?

after two weeks he has to call Jason, scuffing his feet on the ground and gritting his teeth as he explains the situation.

“….what.”

directing his glare to the ceiling, Damian stubbornly repeats, “Grayson and Drake will no longer let me in the cave. they believe that your ghost is angry with me and are afraid you will become agitated by my presence there.”

“…” he waited impatiently for Jason’s response. “well how the fuck did you manage that?”

“your brothers are imbeciles.”

“first of all i’ve not even seen Tim since he got taken in, i met him like once when i was thirteen at a gala when we took turns trying to throw olives into an old lady’s handbag from the balcony above, he is more your brother than mine,” Damian rolled his eyes, tapping his foot and peeking out from behind the curtain he was hiding behind to call from, ensuring Alfred wasn’t nearby. “second of all why the fuck would they immediately assume i want you gone? didn’t they wonder why i didn’t start haunting the cave when the replacement took my mantle?”

“you’re acting like there should be logic behind any of this. i stole some tires and now they think your spirit wants me dead.”

“just tell them you took the tires.”

“but then i’d be caught and my mission would be a technical failure.”

“sucks to suck.”

Jason was not much help.

he was even less help when he came to Gotham and, in between establishing himself as an anonymous crime lord in Crime Alley, starts fucking breaking into the batcave to move shit about and leave threatening messages claiming that ‘the ghost of Robin is displeased with Damian’

Damian is this fucking close to just revealing Red Hood’s identity. on the plus side Tim is having the ego boost of his life learning that his successor’s ghost was ok with his Robin but not Damian’s. he’s been on a permanent high for the past month and it’s not going down any time soon.

Bruce is just sick of Dick sobbing through seance attempts while he’s trying to work at the batcomputer.

Dick and Tim wanting desperately to connect and reconnect with Jason after he comes back as Red Hood and after 4 hours of gossiping and debating on the best way to convince him to hang out with them they decide to start getting kidnapped and held hostage as civilians in Hood’s territory, their thinking being that if it’s in Crime Alley he can’t ignore it and if it’s their civilian identities then they can’t ‘get themselves out of trouble’ and Jason KNOWS this so he’d have to show up and help them. so they just start throwing themselves into danger as often as possible to force Jason into interacting with them and try to trick him into having a conversation after the rescue in the hopes that he’ll start to like them eventually. the only problem is Hood is treating it as work he has to do, and so he literally just busts in, shoots the kidnappers, then silently unties them and leaves to go run his next errand/work his next case.

And then one day.

just everybody assuming that because Jason doesn’t wanna acknowledge Bruce’s existence that means he also hates his siblings, when in reality he thinks his relationship with his brothers is chill, and Damian’s the only one to really clock that no, Jason isn’t avoiding them, he’s just…. really antisocial and doesn’t think to do stuff with people unless they reach out to him explicitly clear that they Want To Spend Time Together so it’s literally just like

Dick, in tears: my little brother HATES ME

Jason: yeah me and Dick are real close. why haven’t i talked to him for two weeks? uh…. i mean. i just don’t have anything to say? nothing relevant to him has happened so i haven’t thought to. why?

Damian remembers that time when Talia presumed Jason dead after sending him off to train with a reminder to ‘keep her updated’ and then getting radio silence for four months. he finally shows back up one day all casual and is genuinely baffled when Talia yells at him

‘I SAID KEEP ME UPDATED JASON. WE ONLY JUST GOT YOU BACK I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD AGAIN’

‘oh my b. in my defence i was busy training and like. you already knew i was training. so it didn’t seem relevant?’

‘you can’t have ONLY trained’

‘i mean no i had evenings and weekends off. but i was just playing chess online- did you know you can play against the computer? it’s addictive as fuck-‘

Damian got to Gotham and his first priority was ‘text Todd because by GOD i know he won’t remember to text me.’

Clark’s favourite post-big-mission-destress is using his super hearing to tune in to whatever bullshit Bruce has to deal with on the batplane ride back to Gotham with whatever batkids were on hand during the fight.

I know that its fairly common for Jason to have blue eyes that turn green when the pit is active, but I support that Jason's eyes are just bright green now. They don't necessarily glow all the time, but they are notably green.

The first time that Jason takes his helmet off in front of the family after his resurrection Dick won't stop staring at him and Bruce keeps glancing at him when he thinks Jason can't see it.

Jason starts taking off his helmet less because the blatant reminder that he came back different, changed, wrong.

Then Damian shows up and starts talking about how both of them inherited their mother's eyes (he refuses to listen to anyone trying to tell him it doesn't work that way)

Slowly but surely, when Jason takes off his helmet and looks in the mirror, instead of seeing wrongness staring back at him, all he can see is his baby brother's eyes.

Damian: Brother, I request the uppies

Dick: okay? *picks Damian up*

Damian: *turns to Tim* Observe and weep, foolish mortal, for I have achieved your greatest dreams with nothing but a mere order. Bask in my greatness and despair, for I will take everything you ever desired, I will achieve such feats your name will be nothing but a footnote in my legend. Fear me, insect, for I have become everything you cannot, I am the superior Robin and, once these imbeciles understand this fact, you will receive what you deserve.

Tim: *drinks tea while leaning on a wall* big words for a toddler that just asked for "uppies"

Damian:...

Dick: now, there's no need to be mean, I'm sure Damian just wanted to make some conversation...

*devolves into argument*

Jason: *sitting on desk* this is pretty much the reason I keep coming to the cave

Steph: *eats popcorn* seriously, this is golden

Jason: ohh~ Bruce is going over

Steph: oho! this is getting good

Alfred: *drinks tea* indeed

Read a fanfic where Tim Drake thinks Bruce ignored his birthday, then on some random day was like, "Happy Birthday, Tim!" And Tim was like, "It's not my birthday...?" And Bruce was like, "Uh, according to your birth certificate it is, though?"

And the birth certificate shows a date with a different month and day than Tim thought was his birthday, and he realized his parents just FORGOT when his birthday was and essentially picked either a random day or a day more convenient for their schedules or a day they could remember better-

Tim, this whole time, had a completely different birthday than what he'd been celebrating his whole life, and he is so MAD. Like no shit his life doesn't make any goddamm sense he's been a fucking Pisces this whole time

as much as i love angst i do also adore familial league of assassins shit, and since i keep seeing them on my tiktok fyp i cant stop thinking about those videos of idiot teenagers in military training being. teenagers. and thinking of jason and damian. just those two having weird little gimmicks and traditions that confuse the absolute fuck out of the rest of the family from their time at the league.

damian will refer to grapes as ‘assassination implements’ because of that time jason tried to throw one at him, missed, hit ra’s in the back of the head, and to avoid getting out of trouble gaslit him into believing it must have been some kind of dart that hit him from a coup attempt. ra’s went into lockdown and had the entire base searched and jason’s been lying about it for a year, nodding along whenever ra’s brings up the ‘irritating failure that escaped capture’.

nanda parbat had a specific bar that a lot of the assassins would go to when off-duty for a break, but damian wasn’t allowed because talia said he was too young so jason and a couple other loa workers dressed him up in fake facial hair and convinced the bartender he was just a really short old guy to get him in, and since then whenever they talk about something damian’s done that he wasn’t supposed to do they say it was ‘old man brutus’ that did it. bruce has no idea who the fuck brutus is or why two of his sons find his existence so amusing.

whenever the assassins were fucking around on loa grounds they would have a specific low-down gravely tone of voice that when any of them saw talia or ra’s approach, they would use to warn the rest of the group by saying ‘al ghul’ in that tone to indicate everyone had to straighten up and act like they were training. damian can copy that tone perfectly, and will use that voice when saying non-sensical words like ‘ooby-dooby’ and ‘birch tree’ because the tone makes jason instinctively straight up and whirl around like a soldier hearing the word ‘sergeant’. it works every fucking time.

one of damian’s tutors and jason’s mission colleague hated coconut milk with a fucking passion and would rant about it every time it was brought up in conversation. a lot of the guys would take bets on how long she could go talking about it and then purposely brought it up to set her off as a game. every time anyone around the loa base was seen with coconut milk somebody would respond ‘what would eden say if she saw you with that?’. tim dick and bruce do not know who eden is or why they hate coconut milk and at this point they’re too scared to ask.

all im saying is the loa becomes much funnier if we consider it just to be a very strict assassin boarding school that jason attended and damian grew up in.

So JKR is anti asexual now to

My favourite thing in the world is seeing folks act like real human beings around big celebrity personalities

op's tags are too important to leave off

op's tags are too important to leave off

Bless the ratio on this poll. You little shits get off my lawn.

absolutely obsessed with Jason and Tim being the family psychologists that spend 90% of their time together just getting into long debates and discussions about the personalities and mental issues of everybody in the family. they will meet up at Jason’s apartment twice a week for takeout and a 2 hour conversation on how Damian might be so obsessed with the Robin mantle because the dynamics of the league make him think that family should be a business and if he cant work as a vigilante he’ll be abandoned. every stakeout they do together ends up with them getting distracted talking about Dick and his obsession with red heads. they’ve let multiple people go during these stakeouts bcs they’ve gotten side tracked when they then start discussing if Jason’s childhood issues and strained relationship with Dick somehow influenced HIM to befriending Dick’s old pals so often, and they get so fascinatingly into it that the guy they were waiting for just. slipped right by them.

nothing is off limits between these two when they start talking about mental health and family issues. they’ll compare Tim’s abandonment-independence from the Drakes to Jason’s caretaker habits from his dug addicted mother. there have been 3 hour phone call conversations about the loa and how it fucked with Jason’s perception of Bruce that then get turned into 4 hour face to face discussions about how Tim’s opinion of Bruce rapidly declined because of Jason’s death and how he handled it. they rehash how Bruce has effected every single bat child about 12 times and they still never get tired of it.

it’s not even about therapy or coming to terms with trauma. these two bitches just love dissecting family drama and psychology within the Waynes. every now and then during dinner somebody will make a fairly casual remark that has nothing to do with anything and Jason and Tim will make eye contact across the table because they KNOW they’ll be tearing that apart at a later date. what I’m saying is english-enthusiast Jason Todd and stalker-genius Timothy Drake are 100% the gossip scientists of the family, and the Waynes are their lab rats being observed for their own entertainment

absolutely obsessed with Jason and Tim being the family psychologists that spend 90% of their time together just getting into long debates and discussions about the personalities and mental issues of everybody in the family. they will meet up at Jason’s apartment twice a week for takeout and a 2 hour conversation on how Damian might be so obsessed with the Robin mantle because the dynamics of the league make him think that family should be a business and if he cant work as a vigilante he’ll be abandoned. every stakeout they do together ends up with them getting distracted talking about Dick and his obsession with red heads. they’ve let multiple people go during these stakeouts bcs they’ve gotten side tracked when they then start discussing if Jason’s childhood issues and strained relationship with Dick somehow influenced HIM to befriending Dick’s old pals so often, and they get so fascinatingly into it that the guy they were waiting for just. slipped right by them.

nothing is off limits between these two when they start talking about mental health and family issues. they’ll compare Tim’s abandonment-independence from the Drakes to Jason’s caretaker habits from his dug addicted mother. there have been 3 hour phone call conversations about the loa and how it fucked with Jason’s perception of Bruce that then get turned into 4 hour face to face discussions about how Tim’s opinion of Bruce rapidly declined because of Jason’s death and how he handled it. they rehash how Bruce has effected every single bat child about 12 times and they still never get tired of it.

it’s not even about therapy or coming to terms with trauma. these two bitches just love dissecting family drama and psychology within the Waynes. every now and then during dinner somebody will make a fairly casual remark that has nothing to do with anything and Jason and Tim will make eye contact across the table because they KNOW they’ll be tearing that apart at a later date. what I’m saying is english-enthusiast Jason Todd and stalker-genius Timothy Drake are 100% the gossip scientists of the family, and the Waynes are their lab rats being observed for their own entertainment