just because youre made of stardust & other gay shit doesnt mean that a bug isnt. be nice to a bug today
[shares 2 traits with a character] this is absolutely insane we are the same person
[character that is just like me] fuck this guy
maybe i was made for loving things. maybe that's what life is all about.
truly the most american thing is Big Drink. more than late stage capitalism, more than an unparalleled cultural focus on individualism, more than 9/11 jokes
what binds all americans together culturally is Big Drink
and you might be saying "is this fat shaming" or "but mayor bloomberg outlawed Big Drink in nyc" or "gays are so annoying about their iced coffee" or some other dumb comment but no open your minds, Big Drink isn't just sugary or caffeinated beverages
every day i see one of you hydration bitches (affectionate) on the train with a water bottle so big a toddler could drown in it. that too is Big Drink.
we literally invented a bigger beer can (tall boy) in wisconsin in the 60s in the service of Big Drink
anyway i never feel more american then when i have Big Drink in my hands
America is a beverage focused society, and a car focused society, and -- inevitably -- a cupholder focused society
the hottest thing a man can be is from the 80s and wear a leather jacket and be afraid of heights and have a mullet and build things from scraps and...
ok maybe he should just be macgyver
the beginning of the spring semester tends to really kick your ass in college because the first three weeks are so deeply unserious that they lull you into a false sense of security and then by the fourth week you have The Assignments
batman valentine cards, 1996
collecting sad pathetic male characters like they are stuffed animals to arrange on my bed
I wanna hire an evil advisor so bad. I want to pay some gay-coded little man to creep around my house saying ominous things and smirking to himself and punctuating every sentence with an evil little laugh while I pretend to be totally oblivious. And of course I ignore his evil advice, but I always have an excuse as to why, and he unconvincingly pretends to be
okay with it, but later that night I hear him
having an absolute meltdown in his room until he comes up with a new evil plan and bursts into a musical number that
ends with maniacal laughter which continues for about 10 minutes