1 - 20 of 22 Works in Thirsty Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch

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Listing Works

  1. Tags
    Summary

    Simon Salisbury is hoping to fix up his home in time for Christmas. Interior designer Historical consultant Baz Pitch is here to help.

    Featuring an ambitious amount of home restoration, comfortable but questionable fashion choices, and learning that good things come to those who wait ❄️❤️‍🔥

    Written for Carry On Countdown 2024

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    46,113
    Chapters:
    25/25
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    348
    Kudos:
    186
    Bookmarks:
    31
    Hits:
    3,224
  2. Tags
    Summary

    YOU (5:51 p.m.)
    uh
    yeah?
    baz???

    (5:53)

    BAZ
    BAZ ANSWER ME
    IT WAS A JOKE
    I WASNT CALLING THE POLICE
    I MEAN I WAS BUT STILL
    BASIL
    TYRANNUS BASILTON SALISBURY PLEASE DONT DIVORCE ME
    I LOVE YOU TYRANNUS PLEASE

    (5:54)

    BAAAASSSSSIIIIILLLLLLLLLL

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,893
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    32
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    382
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Simon "Skywalker" Snow is just getting the hang of his new job as a dancer at The Tower Room, an eclectic Brooklyn strip club.

    But who's the rival male dancer watching Simon's performances? He must be plotting something...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,386
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    90
    Kudos:
    230
    Bookmarks:
    32
    Hits:
    2,542
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Simon never expected to take a job repairing fire damage at Pitch Manor. First off, his old schoolmate Dev Pitch never liked him. And there's the small matter of it being an empty, recently-abandoned mansion in the middle of the Hampshire dead spot. But the money's good. The fridge is stocked. There's cell reception. It's fine.

    Except, he's starting to think maybe those stories about Pitch Manor being haunted are more than just rumours.

    There’s a particular portrait, too, that’s caught his eye. Some stuffed-up tosser with the most pretentious name imaginable. It keeps… Well. It keeps changing. (But that’s not possible. Right?)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,677
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    28
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    305
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Don't ask me why I chose this title This is years old
    Like from when only the first book was out it is also unbetaed so have fun lovelies

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    123
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    42
  6. Tags
    Summary

    I’ve also been trying not to think about Baz’s cock.

    I wouldn’t be shocked to find out that he made out lucky in that department too. He’s bloody perfect at everything else, and fit too. So it makes sense.

    What doesn’t make sense is Penny sitting in front of me at breakfast and immediately telling me, “I need you to find out how big Baz’s dick is.”

    “Wha-?!” I start to exclaim before falling into a coughing fit as a piece of bacon that I was chewing on slides down my throat wrong.

    Penny rolls her eyes at me while I try to catch my breath. “Oh calm down. I made a bet with Trixie.”

    Taking a final deep breath, I level Penny a serious glare. “You made a bet?”

    She nods her head, as though it’s perfectly normal for her to be making bets with her roommate (who she hates) about my roommate's cock.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,216
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    23
    Kudos:
    450
    Bookmarks:
    58
    Hits:
    6,170
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Baz had plans to spend his last days before uni lounging at a resort and getting his feet rubbed. It would be decadent and relaxing, just how he likes it.

    Instead, he ends up holding a bow and staring at the resort's archery instructor. It's difficult and strenuous, just like he wanted to avoid. But what's a little ache in his shoulders when he can get the instructor to smile at him like that?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,071
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    384
    Bookmarks:
    63
    Hits:
    2,328
  8. Tags
    Summary

    "I am dangerous! All I do is kill. All I do is go off or kill. Christ, I even killed Rhys’ parakeet.” Snow's voice falters.

    “Snow-”

    “You saved the school and the dragon! You healed Penelope after my magic burned her arm! You get perfect grades, all the girls fancy you, even Agatha. I wish everything I touched turned to gold like you, but it doesn’t. Everything I touch gets ruined!” he yells, picking up a mug and throwing it on the floor.

    It hits the ground with a heavy thud.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,961
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    23
    Kudos:
    199
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    1,829
  9. Tags
    Summary

    When Ruth Salisbury’s long-lost grandson starts attending the club where Baz spends his nights, he knows he’s doomed. Especially when the man starts playing pool and showing off his arse a little too much.

    Unfortunately, it is his good friend, Agatha Wellbelove, who is made to suffer through his endless complaints about the young man. As much as she tolerates him, if Baz doesn't do something about his attraction to Simon Salisbury soon, Agatha will be forced to take matters into her own hands.

    And she won't be sorry about it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,900
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    42
    Kudos:
    347
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    2,932
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Simon and Baz dress for a Britney Spears themed costume party, driving each other crazy with the scandalous outfits they choose. Shepard’s balcony will never be the same again…

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,917
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    110
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    1,281
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Baz rounded the corner into the kitchen and crashed into someone much larger than Swithin. He stumbled backwards, knocking into the door frame and nearly tripping over his own feet before a strong hand grasped his arm, steadying him. When he looked up, Baz was staring into a pair of the most ordinary blue eyes.

    As Baz gathered his wits about him, he got a good look at the man who was still holding onto his arm and he felt his mouth go dry. The man was a few inches shorter than Baz with broad shoulders and a sturdy build. His skin was tawny and dotted with moles. His bronze hair was a mess of curls, barely contained under a green and red cap. Even dressed like an elf, he was the most handsome man Baz had ever laid eyes on.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,527
    Chapters:
    1/2
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    271
  12. Tags
    Summary

    'Quite frankly, I would rather pull out my fingernails with pliers than try and make pleasant conversation with this moron. So I just glare. He stares back, ordinary-blue eyes so wide I could fall into them and be lost forever. He has moles all over his face; three on his right cheek, one above his left eye and at least two below his left ear. His hair, short back and sides, is otherwise a mess of golden-brown curls that I might’ve wanted to run my fingers through if it wasn't for his complete lack of personality. Actually, I might still do it regardless just because. Because they look soft and because I want to and because, really, he has no right looking that good when he’s such a gormless idiot.'

    -Baz goes on a blind date

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,160
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    149
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    685
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Baz is on the rug. He’s supposed to be dead, probably. Instead he looks up into the barrel of a haphazardly handled gun and the crazed blue eyes of a man in a neon green tracksuit.

    Simon’s a thief, just looking to make some easy cash by looting a dead man’s flat. But, turns out, the man isn’t dead after all. (Does that mean he has to kill him?)

    OR: The one where Snowbaz agree to be a shitter, low-budget version of Bonnie and Clyde.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,125
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    189
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    997
  14. Tags
    Summary

    It's an important milestone for any mage to summon a familiar, and it's even an easy spell.

    What's the worst that could happen?

    Simon should know better than that, he messes up simple spells all the time.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    24,659
    Chapters:
    11/?
    Comments:
    84
    Kudos:
    121
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    2,106
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Simon Snow can’t dance.
    At least, that’s what I thought.

    CARRY ON COUNTDOWN, DAY 28 - PARTY

    (Simon can't ballroom dance, but that boy got moves and I will die on this hill.)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,599
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    208
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    1,360
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Chapter a day advent calendar. (Plus one chapter because one became a two parter.)

    Baz finally gets to spend the holidays with the person he loves the most. That is, after Simon has no choice but to go spend Christmas with Baz at Pitch Manor.

    Baz is trying to get Simon into the holiday spirit while Simon is trying to get out of Baz’s house.

    Then a mysterious gift arrives.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    100,416
    Chapters:
    15/15
    Comments:
    253
    Kudos:
    441
    Bookmarks:
    68
    Hits:
    5,672
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Magickal Life Skills class doesn’t seem like it can get any worse… that is, until the 7th years are given fake Magickal babies to take care of for a week. Tasked with keeping a tiny human alive, Simon and Baz must deal with the trials and tribulations of Magickal parenting, including crying, night feeds, and… explosions?

    It’s a chaos demon. Instructions not included.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    28,571
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    338
    Kudos:
    867
    Bookmarks:
    173
    Hits:
    7,221
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Simon Snow is just like everyone else. He has a job managing a bakery and dirty mugs piling up in his room. Except for just one thing: he moonlights as a superhero, The Golden Blade, official protector of Watford City. And a new nemesis has arisen, wreaking havoc and mayhem upon the citizens: the sinister, mysterious Vampire. Simon has to find out what Vampire is up to, all while keeping his identity a secret from everyone - including his prickly flatmate, Baz.

    Superhero AU (non-magical) filled with action, pining, baking, oblivious boys, and, of course, plotting. (There's always plotting.)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    93,318
    Chapters:
    25/25
    Comments:
    643
    Kudos:
    839
    Bookmarks:
    121
    Hits:
    17,057
  19. Tags
    Summary

    No one knows how it got to Watford. We’ve been on lockdown for a month, yet the Veritas Virus somehow made it here anyways.

    The virus isn’t really a health hazard. But it is a hazard. Anyone who is infected can only speak truths for a few days. You can choose not to talk, but if you’re not diligent, it’s easy to let things slip.

    Now everyone is quarantined to their dorm rooms. And because I’m a vampire and can’t contract it, I have to pretend I have it due to being in close quarters with Snow.

    I don’t think I can survive being trapped in a room with Snow.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,969
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    35
    Kudos:
    539
    Bookmarks:
    37
    Hits:
    3,169
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Non-magical AU. In the high pressure world of international fashion Baz Pitch is a well recognised face and name. He finds himself unexpectedly thrust into forced proximity with Simon Snow, the inexperienced model who has become Watford's new face and director Mage's new protege. Thrown together for the frenetic events of Fashion Week across the globe, Simon and Baz find themselves spending more time together than either of them expect and revealing more to each other than anticipated. Fluff and mutual pining, soft boys in love. Written for the Carry On Countdown 2019 Day 1 Prompt Sun and Moon.

    my thanks to basicbathsheba for the beta read!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,109
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    81
    Kudos:
    480
    Bookmarks:
    76
    Hits:
    3,553

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