by the way, you can and should project your experience onto fictional characters and headcanon them as alterhuman/otherkin/therian/etc.

It is not cringe or "chronically online." Our incredibly complex and profound identities have been boiled down to cat masks and doing quadrobics online, therianthropy is seen as something akin to being a furry, when in reality it is something far deeper. It is ok to project that onto characters you like, it is ok to see characters' complex stories and identities and see them explained through therianthropy. If someone is unwilling to see the nuance in your identity and think you're doing the next Miku binder Thomas Jefferson or whatever then it is their fault for not listening to your experiences and perspectives, It's not your fault for existing in a way that has been misinterpreted.

(Note. i am not saying that there is anything wrong with being a furry, or enjoying cat masks, or doing quadrobics. all im saying that boiling down alterhumanity to the commonly portrayed "tiktok therian aesthetic" gets old and is not an accurate representation of what being alterhuman feels like for alot of people)

so many people have this binary think of “nonverbal/nonspeaking people not able mouth speak must be so sad about it they must all want mouth speak so bad n if help them speak by mouth that must be so great n make them feel so good”

can’t speak for other nonverbal or nonspeaking people but for me that be terrifying. it nothing short of sheer terror.

had experience of doctor, *while doing invasive test on me that involve poking needles into me so am entirely under their mercy*, trying get me to speak. n in trance my body that very easily influenced obeyed, made simple sound of a word, out of my control. am not there. am fuzzy floaty n not there. n thinking back at this experience am not filled with tears of joy, of “oh actually can speak,” but instead terror. heart race, head ache, limb feel limp, body feel shaky, muscle twitchy, irregular breaths. n be in OCD compulsion loop trying get this memory out of my head begging my brain to remember, to not think abt the pink elephant. this be how am react to trauma triggers.

because imagine your body do thing you not tell it to. imagine watch your body move feel your body move feel every single fiber of it but it not you who made that command n you can’t stop it. your body, answering to someone else. it like those sci fi movie where alien torture human, put giant helmet on head n as person watch their body start move on its own n do things opposite of what they want, hurt their friends, n even tho they in this very body they not able command it.

in that moment with doctor, if someone asked if am doing this consensually, if am consent to them trying get “me” (my body) to speak, my body would indicate yes. would nod, would make sound. may even look happy.

that doctor be able to influence “me” (my body) to move my muscles n mouth n vocal cord in way to get me “speak”, it not magic or psychic power or alien technology or mystery spiritual power. but it very reality that, am easily influenced, and some people have this ability that can’t quite put to word but influence people easily, compound with power dynamic (doctors, carers, communication partners, they all have power over us nonverbal nonspeaking people), so other people can - metaphorically - kick me out of control of my own body n take over. other people have power over me even with my own body n movements.

it’s fucking terrifying.

n this terrifying experience not stop at moment leave that doctor office. it continue in intrusive traumatic memories.

it get triggered by seeing any tiny thing related to it, it get triggered by that medical procedure, it get triggered by mere idea of doctor, it get triggered anytime someone say the innocent common saying “tell me__” “say__” even if they not actually mean use my mouth words. it also get triggered randomly, out of nowhere, brain just decide to torture me out of the blue.

the terror also continue way, way after, as people use that as evidence you can actually mouth speak, so you should be able to, so they mimic the way that doctor kicked you out of control of your own body.

Cis women seeing gender neutral language in legal and medical documents and then freaking out and acting like gender neutral language is oppressing them somehow is making me inch towards the “explode all cis people” button

The Winged Servant - 13.1

Okayyy sorry I keep everybody hanging for a month only to post 300 words. This time I do have an excuse, which is that I am trying to rely less on google and I have been trying to transfer all my google docs over to Ellipsus. Unfortunately there's some weird formatting error so I have to re-edit a lot of stuff. Anyway, on with the writing.

content warnings: whumper pov (with no actual whump), captivity, refusal of medical treatment

masterlist | chapter 13 | chapter 10.1

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˳·˖⋆★AOM Orientation★⋆˖·˳

Hello and welcome to the Alliance of Magicae headquarters!

Whether you are here to join in our fight against our corrupt enemies or seeking refuge from the outside world, we are pleased to have you.

My name is Orla, the operations manager here at the AOM, and I will be giving you a guided tour of our facilities today!

⋆₊˚⊹ ࿔⋆

The Alliance of Magicae was founded by Uluwehi Kalawaia. He created the AOM in a pocket dimension of his own design to give us ample space to complete our work and keep us hidden from nasty attackers. 

He possessed a vision of peace for all Magicae, to be able to live without fear and have a strong community for those like us.

His legacy is carried out by his niece and nephew, our beloved leaders. Kau’i and Kokoa Kalawaia have maintained our founder’s goals while preparing for war against the malicious Eden inc. and The Congregation of the Chosen. 

Many Magicae have sought us out to join the cause, to fight against corruption, and you can too!

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..─＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⋆Character Bio⋆˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*＊ ─..

Wren Chua, the Catalyst ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆🫧

..✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧..

“I cling to everything — CDs that skip, rings that turn my fingers green, the dead ends of my hair, old love notes that turn my stomach over and over. 

And I’m not proud of it but there are still boxes under my bed. And I’m not proud of it but my closet is running out of space. And nostalgia is a fucking waste of time but my heart is full with it. 

Tell me I won’t hold this forever. Tell me there will be a day when I gloriously let go.” 

⟢⠀Fortes Latifi, "Hold This"  

..✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧..

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I have POTS and I figured it would be helpful to fellow whumpers to hear about what it’s like to be super dizzy and barely holding on to consciousness for your reference. (this is my own personal experience, other people may describe their spells differently)

During:

- Being super dizzy is almost painful, there is an ache and nausea that comes from feeling ready to pass out
- You feel short on breath, it feels like you’re holding your breath even though you’re breathing.
-Ringing in the ears, tunnel vision, difficulty understanding what’s going on around you
-It’s really hard to think clearly and understand people. One time someone was telling me to sit down and I thought they were chewing me out for leaning on a wall and I was internally flipping out and pushing myself to stay upright
-Difficulty speaking, mouth movements become jumbled. Sometimes I end up stuttering trying to put together words
-Words??? Become Hard???? I spent five minutes trying to remember the word for celery just describing it as a green vegetable and my friend who was babysitting me while I was in the spell roasted me for it.
-The hard to breathe feeling has lead to hyperventilation sometimes which makes everything even fuzzier and your skin feel prickly like when your leg is asleep
-I think the best description of mild spells is feeling like your head is loose on your body. You don’t feel all there and a little out of it.
-Again. Nausea. Being super dizzy makes you nauseous
-Face feels cold
-When it’s really bad everything becomes a blur, things are going on, people are talking, someone is moving you, but it’s all a blur, it’s like everything in your body has turned into a white noise machine. Your vision is static, you hear that roar, your skin is prickling… but you still can tell things are going on.

After:

-you still feel fuzzy, but things are solid now
-I have been known to act like a giggly drunk when I’m recovering from spells
-putting together words may still be hard, even though you’re not buzzing like bees (I tend to open up a text-to-speech app because it takes forever to get out words from my mouth)
-s l e e p y

Realizing the writing doesn't have to be done alone and is often more fun and more engaging when you're doing it with friends is a life changing experience.

I don't mean co-writing either. I mean having a friend or two who you talk through plot ideas with, who you bounce ideas off of, who you trust to tell you if something doesn't work.

Nothing is created in a vacuum and nothing can be created alone. Sharing drafts and ideas is a vital part of the creative process and it's a really fun part too.

I don't usually go for captivity based whump but last night I considered a hyper specific concept that I'm now going feral about : a whumpee being locked up in a cell that's got walls of a heavy industrial grade glass instead of bars. There's a key or a code to get in, but when they arrive their rescuer obviously doesn't have it. The whumpee is slumped unconscious or semiconscious against the wall. The rescuer, seeing no other option, whispers "I'm so sorry," before using their weapon or some piece of other equipment to smash the glass and break whumpee out. They get showered in broken glass in the process -- the first thing the rescuer makes sure to remedy when they enter the cell.