nealashitposts:
I’m part of a wood carving club and there are a lot of dads who are dripping with adhd/autism vibes who’s special interest is wood carving.
One of the master skill level carvers who we’ll call… Jim was working on a figure of a super heroine, who was frankly outrageously bodacious.
Several women in the club are uncomfortable with this. They tell me they wish he wouldn’t carve stuff like that at the club. This is understandable. I felt a bit uneasy too. I ask if they told him, and they say no.
This goes on for months. He’s at a point where he’s carving the folds of her skin tight suit. It’s shockingly impressive. A real
Giovanni Strazza with wood here. Many of the women in the club, (also boomers) have stopped talking to him because they’re offended.
One afternoon I see a woman we’ll call Karen approach him and have this conversation
Her: Wow that is really starting to look like actual fabric.
Him: Thanks! It’s been a really fun challenge.
Her: I bet! She sure is - a lot- huh?
Him: Yeah a lot of these comic book characters are really outrageously proportioned!
Her: They really are! You know, when I was carving a sign that was political in a way i knew would offend some people here, I just felt so much more comfortable carving it at home.
Him: *nodding*
Her: Okay?
Him: Yeah I get that.
Her: Yeah. Okay. Good luck with her!“
*she walks off and he looks a little confused.*
Next week at the meet up Jims working on it again and Karen’s furious. Says to me "He said he wouldn’t bring it back! So RUDE.”
So I go up to him and we have this conversation.
Me: Hey Jim
Him: Hey Neala
Me: Some of the ladies around here are feeling a little uncomfortable with the figure you’re carving because of her massive cartoon titties.
Him: Ah shit, really? I thought they just thought it was funny.
Me: Yeah folks laugh a lot when they’re uncomfortable and trying to hide it.
Him: Mm, yeah and I can never tell which laugh is which.
Me: Me either
Him: Well I won’t work on this here anymore. I have other projects to do.
Me: Hey thanks! I wanna see it when you’re done tho so take a pic for me, okay?
Him: Haha sure!
I go sit down. Karen is shocked. Jim puts the figure away and works on a carving of a crane instead. He is not upset.
A week later I over hear Karen telling her friend I screamed at Jim last week.
Another event at the same club. All names fake. Even mine but u only know me by the fake name so
A carver who does a lot of work for the group comes in with a stunning leather bag. When I say a lot of work for the group, I mean a LOT a lot. He plans out monthly projects, makes the blanks for them and shows the rest of the club how to do the carvings. Lets call him Harold.
So I’m gushing over the bags, and so are a few others. He tells us he made these bags himself and that he’s really gotten into leather working over the last year. Jim is complementary of the bags, and teasingly says “Woodcarving and now Leather? You know what they say? Jack of all trades, Master of none!”
Now this quote takes on a different meaning coming from someone who is literally a master skill level carver ways it to someone who is not. But he says it in a jokey way. Clearly meant to playfully rib. Thing is, I see the tightness in Harolds eyes when Jim says this. Having Adhd myself, I also hobby hop a lot and know how it feels to be teased about it. Maybe I was projecting as i flashed back to every time someone had told me to “Just stick with” something.
I say, “Go on Jim, finnish the poem!” In a playful way. Jim laughs and shrugs and says he didn’t know there was more. I quote the whole thing, “Jack of all trades master of none but still always better than a master of one.” Everyone laughs in a good-natured way, Harold visibly relaxes.
Later, Jim tells me i hurt his feelings. He says it felt like i was belittling him for only being good at one thing. I apologize and explain that he had inadvertently hurt my feelings and that I suspected he had hurt Harold’s because it felt like he was saying we weren’t good at anything because we have multiple hobbies.
He apologized and said he was feeling a little jealous that Harold is good at so many things, and all he’s good at is woodcarving. He also went on to say that if Harold entered any of his carvings into any competitions, he would probably have the same rank as him. Harold just didn’t do competitions.
At this point Harold overheard and thanked Jim for what he had said, and told him that he didn’t enter competitions because as soon as he started doing that with the goal of achieving a certain rank the hobby stopped being fun for him and he no longer wanted to do it and internally I was like “Ahhh i also have pathologic demand avoidance! Me too.”
And everything is fine now.
Nature documentary voice “Here we see the interaction between the autistic adult, who has had one special interest that has lasted his whole life, and some Adhd adults, who have collected many special interests over their lives. They are accidentally hurting one anothers feelings about it.”
ALT
