skopostheorie:

WHO is writing these for him

balaclava-trismegistus:

balaclava-trismegistus:

quite literally me when i am lying

elcycyromem:

applebee food is so good my penis diidnt pain anymore and i didnt get scared anymore

official-lucifers-child:

i recently had the honour of introducing my friend to the “[blank]er? i hardly know ‘er!” joke by loudly exclaiming “liquor? i hardly know her!!” during a party, causing my friend (never heard the joke before) to laugh so hard she threw up

n0va-pkt:

Ahhh yisss

A meaal fit for a princesss,,

Mmmyam myam

oneheadtoanother:

escuerzoresucitado:

cryptotheism:

bobakett:

bobakett:

cryptotheism:

She let me hit it because I solved her riddles three

When my hot wrestler wife leaves me

Oh wrong post

No stay in this space with me

jimmyjrsmusoems:

earlier my husband opened our snack cabinet and something fell out and he put it back and then a second later i heard him say very quietly “no, it chose me” and then he took it and walked away

lagomorpheme:

every cylindrical object should have flaccid and erect states simply because it would be funny

slunch:

meezer:

I Saw The Money Grow

semitaconcafe:

6qubed:

it-appears-that-bruno-has-deact:

circumgutter:

ok i regret not unmuting this earlier

the wailing phantom

lefoo: