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Q: Q. A family has a great influence on children's development, but the influence outside the home plays a bigger part in children's life. To what extent to you agree or disagee?

It is widely acknowledged that a child has so abundant potential that people around him should have an impact on him carefully for his future. There are various factors which influence the development of the young, and at this point, an argument occurs because some experts contend that the impact of family outweigh that of factors outside the home. I partly agree with this viewpoint, and the reasons will be provided in this essay.

It is apparent that a person usually spends plenty of time at home, and especially so as a young kid. At home, children are always cared by family members such as parents or siblings, and kids interact with them, learning how to behave, speak, and so on. In this process, the young acquire not only simple things such as how to cook, but also complicated ones like social skills. In this way, kids are turnning into adults, resembling their parents. This is why family members generally look alike.

However, it is inevitable for children to spend their time out of their home. They usually go to school, chat with classmates, and communicate with their teachers. Therefore, it is clear that interaction with people who are not family members also have an impact on the development of kids. They improve their social abilies as well as communication skills through their lives in school. Considering students stay in school for more than 6 hours a day, we can realize how big the influence of school life is. Moreover, some teenagers work as a part-time employee in restaurants and shops. In these places, they learn how to treat strangers, customers, and their managers. Those experiences are consierably different from what they have experienced at home. Thus, the effect of school and workplace should not be ignored when we consider the factors that influence a child’s development.

In conclusion, I believe that the influence of family is huge enough to shape the majority of identity of children because they spend most of their time at home, interacting with family members. However, given that children also study in school, hang out with friends, and have a part-time job, factors outside the home still have an impact on them to some extent. Thus, people need to take the both sides into account when they think of what affects the development of children. この表現は自然ですか?
A: × Q. A family has a great influence on children's development, but the influence outside the home plays a bigger part in children's life.
✓ Q. The family has a great influence on a child's development, but the influence outside the home plays a bigger part in a child's life.

× To what extent to you agree or disagee?
✓ To what extent do you agree or disagree?

× Those experiences are consierably different from what they have experienced at home.
✓ Those experiences are considerably different from what they have experienced at home.

× It is widely acknowledged that a child has so abundant potential that people around him should have an impact on him carefully for his future.
✓ It is widely acknowledged that a child has abundant potential to learn and so people around him should be mindful of how they act around the child as it might influence him for the future.

× There are various factors which influence the development of the young, and at this point, an argument occurs because some experts contend that the impact of family outweigh that of factors outside the home.
✓ There are various factors which influence the development of the young, and at this point, an argument occurs because some experts contend that the impact of family outweigh factors outside the home.

× Thus, people need to take the both sides into account when they think of what affects the development of children.
✓ Thus, people need to take both sides into account when they think of what affects the development of children.

× It is apparent that a person usually spends plenty of time at home, and especially so as a young kid.
✓ It is apparent that a person spends most of their time at home, most especially young children.

× At home, children are always cared by family members such as parents or siblings, and kids interact with them, learning how to behave, speak, and so on.
At home, children are always cared for by family members such as parents or siblings, and kids interact with them, learning how to behave, speak, and so on.

× This is why family members generally look alike.
✓ This is why family members generally seem alike.

× However, it is inevitable for children to spend their time out of their home.
✓ However, it is inevitable for children to spend all of their time at home.

× They usually go to school, chat with classmates, and communicate with their teachers.
✓ They eventually have to attend school, chat with classmates, and communicate with their teachers.

× They improve their social abilies as well as communication skills through their lives in school.
✓ They improve their social abilities as well as communication skills through their lives in school.

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