The Romanovs deserved it.

My girlfriend loves this movie. She’s confused why nobody takes her recommendation on it seriously. I had to look her in the eyes and tell her, “I’m sorry. You know it’s objectively a bad movie, right babe?”

She refused to listen to me.

There are terrible movies I love. This is not one. But I’ll watch it. I’ll watch it for her.

Robert Eggers: Here’s another period piece but this time with necrophilia. I also included words like “yule” and “tidings” for the Christmas spirit.

Me: [gobbles it up like a good boy]

My favorite in the trilogy.

I played too much Manhunt on PS2 when I was a kid and enjoy the hyper stylistic VHS style.

I was itching for another Big Fat Liar ahh chase scene through Universal’s backlot.

The movie satisfied my thirst for blood and gore.

Was it a smart, witty, and thought-provoking movie? Nah. 

Thot-provoking? Sure.