No Half Stars. Snark is the mind-killer.
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Something Special
⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Great!
⭐⭐⭐ - Alright
⭐⭐ - Not very good
⭐ - Rubbish
I've yet to read a single review of this that wasn't about how expensive it was. I understand that's obviously a ludicrous sum of money to spend on such a forgettable film, but let's not pretend that this is the worst crime against cinema ever created. It's a bit dull and very derivative, but it's at least watchable. I don't care about it much either way, but it would be nice if people actually had opinions on the film, not the budget.
I knew this story from the excellent Do Go On podcast episode on it, and I thought this movie did a pretty faithful job of conveying the extreme stress of the situation, adding just enough emotionality to it without laying it on too thick. It isn't doing anything especially noteworthy as a film, but it's such an incredible story that its impossible not to get swept up in it. I should watch the documentary.
Plus, Scotland 🏴
I can't believe I'm seeing 3, 4 and even 5 star reviews for this movie. It feels like it was written and directed by Michael Scott.
While much of the problems with the other terrible DC movies (BvS, Suicide Squad, Justice League) could be *generously* blamed on such things as studio interference, re-edits, multiple directors, forced franchise set up etc, this film doesn't really feel like it has an excuse. It feels like this is totally the movie they wanted…
Well Hollywood, you did it. You took away all of the spectacle and wonder they once had and you made dinosaurs boring.
The worst part about the first Jurassic World for me was the whole idea of genetically tailoring dinosaurs to follow human comands, act as weapons of war, and generally not be cool dinosaurs. If you share that opinion with me, then buckle up, because Fallen Kingdom takes that idea and absolutely runs with it. Runs it straight into…