as an adult man with a ponytail
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Snow White 2025
A lot better than it should be given that it features maybe the worst performance in a blockbuster I’ve maybe ever seen. This should be the easiest camp performance of all time given the material but watching Gal Gadot is like watching a block of wood. And when she turns into the crone? Unbelievably limp performance. Total dogshit.
Rachel Zegler in contrast is delightful. Proper movie star stuff. Shining light amongst a movie bogged down with digital busyness far too often.…
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American Pie Presents: Band Camp 2005
I last watched all the American Pie films a decade ago in uni halls and they’d aged badly even back then. However Stiffler’s brother jacks off into a sun screen bottle and a bunch of dudes then use the cum as sunscreen and it made me laugh because I am very stupid so I will forgive that this whole film is premised around the hero non-consensually recording and distributing videos of naked women.
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Space Jam: A New Legacy 2021
You will live to see manmade horrors beyond your comprehension. You will also live to see a nine foot tall CGI Don Cheadle play basketball against a rapping Porky Pig.
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The Raid 2022
Opens with a disclaimer from the New Zealand police saying they dispute and refute their portrayal in the movie which is how you know it’s an accurate portrayal of them.
What an absolute pimp move from Tame Iti to be arrested and convicted during the raids this film is in response to, then years later be completely vindicated and produce and star in an excellent movie about it. Incredible man, incredible move. Would love to hear about his time in…
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