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Cube 2: Hypercube 2002
Boy oh boy, Lionsgate will pinch out literally any thing these days and slap their logo on it and apparently 2003 was no different. Where to start.. Perhaps the longest lasting feature of Cube 2: Hypercube is the near perfect impression of porn-level acting stretched out over the impossibly ill-conceived hyper-dimension/parrallel-universe muddlefuck that we've been up to our asses in since 2016. Like Hunter Biden over a line of Columbian nosecandy, Cuber 2: Hypercube (2002) rides that line of uncanny…
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Doom 2005
In the year of our Lord two thousand and five, humanity received reality's authoritative response to the age-old gamer question of "what if they made a movie....... in first person????". Well folks, wonder no longer. The result is here and the result is... well what you'd expect I suppose. In truth Doom (2005) only unzips its pants towards the end but the resulting first-person-cinematography-splooge is less full-throated cock-cancer and more marginally enjoyable post-90s action excess courtesy of Karl Urbans perma-worried-face and staring Dwayne Johnson's post *Shut up Bitch* acting heel chops.
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Mortal Kombat 1995
This movie was so bad that I didn't even finish it and still had a blast. Not since Showdown in Little Tokyo (1991) have I witnessed such a festering turd thoroughly entertain me. The lone virtue of this righteous shitpile is the simple spectacle of it all. From the array of charmingly 90s backdrops each echoing that FMV videogamey look and feel of the time to the entire existence of Bridgette Wilson in her early twenties, there's more than a…
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Total Recall 2012
A glossy finish and eminently fuckable cast can’t halt this futuristic slow-motion car crash hell bent for the bargain bin.
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