I'm bored and have no life, so I watch movies. A lot of movies. I was also professional critic for about 13 years.
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Burn After Reading 2008
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
Frances McDormand is a moron. Brad Pitt is a fucking moron. Richard Jenkins is a loser. John Malkovich is an alcoholic fucking loser who kills Jenkins with a hatchet. Tilda Swinton is a fucking bitch who cheats on her husband. George Clooney is a fucking dick who cheats on his wife and kills Pitt. J.K. Simmons cleans up the mess. Lubezki shoots. Burwell scores. Great fucking movie!
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Melancholia 2011
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
Justine just got married but she's depressed. Claire, her sister, is married to a douchebag and will also become depressed. Both of them are kinda obnoxious cunts (so is their mom). A rogue planet will thankfully kill them both to the sounds of Wagner, and in the process destroy all life on Earth. Kirsten Dunst will get naked. Masterpiece.
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Stillwater 2021
Been a while since I did one of these. My review for Tom McCarthy's STILLWATER.
"If the first scenes of STILLWATER mislead us into thinking this will be some sort of a revenge action film reminiscent of all those Liam Neeson TAKEN movies - while later on in the film we are equally mislead into assuming it's about to take a sharp corner and turn into a tense thriller like Denis Villeneuve's remarkable PRISONERS -, in the end, Tom McCarthy…
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Where the Wild Things Are 2009
Max is an obnoxious little shit of a child you'd like to punch really hard in his fucking face if you ever met him. Masterpiece.
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