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Captain America: Brave New World 2025
Jessica Chastain probably saw this film and remembers less about it than she does her journey through her mother's birth canal and into a brave new world. Jessica Chastain, probably said "..." when her barber and close confidant asked her thoughts on the film.
Jessica Chastain's Probable Thorns:
Lack of Charisma (Jessica Chastain requires that all films have some rizz to get a rose and this film had none of that)
Lack of hotties (Jessica Chastain probably thought that the only hot man in this film was that red hulk character, which is a bad sign because mauma, he's CGI)Translated from by -
Anora 2024
Jessica Chastain probably saw Anora and couldn't ignora how adora-ble this ensemble cast was!!!? Jessica Chastain undoubtedly (again probably because I can't get sued) recommended this film to any of her friends who love strippers, snow, a glass table shaped like a human, and a utility scarf that travels most of the continental US in less than 24 hours.
Jessica Chastain's Probable Roses
STRIPPERS (Jessica Chastain is probably super duper pro sex work and these girls were working in a…Translated from by
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Mufasa: The Lion King 2024
Jessica Chastain would have seen this movie and probably said "Bye Bye" to the music but "Meow Meow" to the fierce and feminist lionesses of the film. Whi
le not a furry (most likely) Jessica Chastain probably admires anyone whose fursona is a lion and if you feel similarly, then this movie will feel like milele for you!Jessica Chastain's Probable Roses:
Beyonce saying a total of two lines (Jessica Chastain probably went to the Renaissance tour at least three…Translated from by -
The Last Showgirl 2024
Normally, Jessica Chastain probably would've absolutely adored this film. It has a lot of things that Jessica Chastain probably likes, including that actress from Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Bautista (Jessica Chastain probably watches WWE to unwind after work and undoubtedly probably loved Bautista's stage presence). Unfortunately, the movie probably felt a bit like nails on a chalk board to Jessica Chastain, and even she probably would have had a hard time finding the plot.
Jessica Chastain's Probable Roses:
Pamela…Translated from by
