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Paddington in Peru 2024
Marmalade? More like marmite. Not for the love/hate reaction ‘Paddington In Peru’ produces, but for the cloying texture that leaves you with a salty taste in your mouth. And for it sounding like the start of marmalade and it also being a spread.
The plot was lazy, twists so signposted that young children (aged 2 and up) will see them coming a mile off. Sally Hawkins, elegantly portraying Mrs Brown in the first two films, stepped away “for personal reasons”…
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Saltburn 2023
Ever wondered what it’s like to be turned into salt? In this cautionary semi-autobiographical tale, Emerald (yes, Emerald) Fennel warns us how gruesome it can be.
We open at The University of Oxford, where Mr Barry Keegan - playing Emerald (I shit you not, Emerald) Fennel if she were a Scouse lad - has just started his first term. He’s shy, quiet, blissfully unaware that soon he will be turned into salt.
He meets a total nerd who gets a…
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Zoolander 2001
The frenetic-and-tragic true story of humanlike chimpanzees who have escaped from a zoo.
In this frenetic-and-tragic true story, a confused primate named Zoo-Lander, (presumably due to his being from ‘Zoo-Land’ (presumably a local zoo)) played by Night At The Museum 2’s Bean Stiller, dances around pretending to be a human glamour model. His bizarre yet striking look gardens him attention, and he is world-renowned for his “Blue Still” look, presumably a meta-pun on the actor’s name. His world is thrown…
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