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coltonevans

Favorite films

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  • The Longest Yard

    ★★★★

  • Borderlands

  • Batman Returns

    ★★★½

  • Batman

    ★★½

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  • The Longest Yard

    The Longest Yard

    ★★★★

    Remember when you could have a black transgendered cheerleading squad in a happy Madison film without people calling it “woke”. Those were the days!

  • Borderlands

    Borderlands

    The following events are not satire and are things that actually occur in the movie:

    "Theyre right behind us arent they?"

    5 seconds after kevin hart appears on screen, tiny tina makes a joke about his short stature.

    Klaptrap taking a shit alerts the band of psycos to the protagonists location in the sewers.

    I went to see this movie with my GF, because she's a huge borderlands fan. Her and I thought this movie was pretty bad. It was…

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  • Horizon: An American Saga – Chapter 1

    Horizon: An American Saga – Chapter 1

    ½

    THIS is the movie project that Kevin Costner abandoned Yellowstone for?

    Where do i even begin?

    How about the fact that Kevin Costner dosent even show up until an hour and 45 minutes into his 3 hour long PART ONE OF FOUR movie.

    Once he’s “established” (I will be using established in quotes here because there is not a single character that is established as the main protagonist of this movie) as the main character they IMMEDIATELY cut to another…

  • Starship Troopers

    Starship Troopers

    ★★★★★

    Iconic one-liners. State of the art special effects. Denise Richards. Conventionally attractive actors to save us from the bug menace. What else do you want from a Scfi action film? Would you like to know more?

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