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F9 2021
I’ve never dealt with a more convoluted storyline. You’re telling me Han ‘died’ three times, Dom’s mysterious brother is John Cena, Cardi B is now canon to the Fast universe, Drift King Sean from Tokyo Drift can fly a C-130, Ludacris goes to space in a Pontiac Fiero… Bro whatever premium grade Columbian green they were smoking in the writing room I desperately need. This movie is a stark reminder about the power of family, we all need a Dom Toretto.
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Wonka 2023
After the downfall of House Atreides, Paul Atreides stars as Wonka in this prequel to Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. Paul escapes Arrakis (or Dune) to an unknown region on earth, which can only be described as 20th century New England. Understanding that he must fit in and adapt, Paul takes on the role of a chocolate maker who suffers from a psychological disorder, forcing him to sing. One might believe this is to make him stand out and be…
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The Twilight Saga: New Moon 2009
Y’know, maybe Bella is the main villain of this story. I have never seen a protagonist so insufferable in their decision making. All of this could’ve been avoided had Bella gone to Jacksonville…
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The Mummy Returns 2001
Ah yes, the classic Mummy Returns. Story with unnecessary plot lines, CGI aged like a fine rancid slice of American cheese while Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz remain as the two most beautiful human beings you could ever encounter. Chef’s kiss
Remember folks, as the wise scorpion king once said…
It’s about drive, it’s about power,
We stay hungry, we devour.Translated from by
