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Dune: Part Two 2024
Who wouldn’t want to become God Emperor of a giant sand planet, using your rock-dwelling, oppressed indigenous army to conquer the entire known galaxy? Oh yea, slight hiccup — also using your high intellect and prophetic visions to manipulate the vulnerable population, coercing them into genocide on a never-before seen scale.
Paul Atreides is Space Hitler on a much-too-high dose of Penis Envy Magic Mushrooms — and I cling to every word he utters, because that’s the Lisan-Al-Gaib, motherfucker.
Truly…
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The Martian 2015
Matt Damon did on Mars what Irish people couldn’t do for years, while they and their families starved to death — grow potatoes.
Take that, Ireland. 1-0 Boston.
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The Empire Strikes Back 1980
I loved the part when Luke said, “No! You just can’t be my daddy, Darth!”
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Stand by Me 1986
Not sure. Don’t really remember the movie, cause my loser roommates will never watch it with me!
“It’s too sad,” they whine, blubbering their nonsensical excuses.
Next time I’ll really give ‘em something to cry about.
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