holy shit I’m so beyond obsessed with this i’m going to lose my mind
we start off in the time of the crusades, with a bunch of teutonic knights slaughtering a group of “witches.” but you can’t have teutonic knights without it feeling very Dark Souls—so i’m immediately hyped as hell. there’s a horse that just keeps kicking around a decapitated head, it’s chaos, but i’m giddy.
and when we fast forward to the present day, it doesn’t disappoint…
“I still don't understand the play.”
“Doesn’t matter. Just keep telling the story.”
guys. guys. you don’t understand how much i fucking love this.
a film about the making of a play but most of the film is actually the play itself; a story within a story. with the most gorgeous color palette i’ve ever seen, it’s aesthetically everything i’ve ever wanted. and it’s set in the 50’s but there’s also an alien and sci-if elements so it’s got this retro-futuristic chic.…
came for some ooey, gooey, gross slime effects and…it mostly delivered, i guess? nowhere near as intense as i expected but the ending was pretty sick.
it’s extremely low-budget, bad-acting, 80’s cheese without the comedic self-aware heart that it needed. 90% of this is just so unfortunately boring in a way a film about cult members coming back to life by having other people eat their ectoplasm and then turn into weird murder slime monsters should never be.
i have mixed feelings about this. on one hand, it’s a remake that didn’t need to exist—the original Evil Dead is already a perfect movie. the drug recovery plot line didn’t add anything. if anything it sucked a lot of the fun out of it by adding a more serious and mean-spirited tone. and i just feel such intrinsic hate for these characters; besides Mia they’re just annoying. and David is no Ash Williams—it’s like they realized what a pathetic…
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
haven’t been feeling particularly festive—dealing with a lot irl currently. but a christmas movie as bleak as this seemed like a pretty fitting choice for what will probably be my only holiday-themed watch this year.
a very solid slasher, especially for one of the first of the genre. the calls are so fucking ominous, but the abortion sub-plot with Paul and Jess might be equally as chilling. hearing that man whine, complain, and get so aggressively angry about what Jess was…
could never compare to the simplistic insanity of the first Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but it’s still fun in its own right. i mean i could give this five stars for having a kill scene with Oingo Boingo playing in the background; that’s enough for me to love this.
Stretch is a great final girl, Leatherface is horrifically and wonderfully horny, i love the obvious implication that the cook is making everyone cannibals, and i think it’s quite a bit gorier overall.…
