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American Psycho 2000
[Copy/paste Patrick Bateman’s in-film review of Whitney Houston’s seminal debut, simply titled: “Whitney Houston.” Then insert the Huey Lewis & the News meme.]
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Uncharted 2022
It seems unfathomable that neither Jerry Bruckheimer nor Justin Lin had anything to do with this Pirates-meets-National-Treasure-2-Furious monstrosity. While this film’s plot hardly treads into uncharted territory, it’s hard not to enjoy 2 hours’ worth of Mark Wahlberg and Tom Holland cracking jokes. I have no idea how they found that treasure, and even less idea how they screwed up so badly in recovering any more than a few pockets’ full in the end. Maybe the real treasure was the jokes they made along the way.
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The Chumscrubber 2005
I spent a fair amount of time in high school telling people this was my favorite movie. I don’t know if that was true. It seemed like a cooler choice than Donnie Darko at the time, mainly because literally no one had ever heard of it. A box office bomb with an absurdly stacked cast (Ralph Fiennes, Glenn Close, Jamie Bell, John Heard, Allison Janney, Jason Issacs, Carrie-Anne Moss, the under-rated Justin Chatwin, and… what’s the “you and your friends…
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Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl 2003
Three guesses what discover page-dominating click bait prompted a rewatch of this fine classic. Apart from ensuring that I can never rewatch the Rum Diary (for more reviews of my favorite films of which I am the sole member of fandom, see my review of the Chumscrubber), the recent Johnny Depp headlines prompted me to get my money’s worth from Disney+ in between Star Wars shows. You’d have to have zero sense of fun to watch a Pirates film and…
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