B LA D E U M B R E L L A S
B LA D E U M B R E L L A S
B LA D E U M B R E L L A S

the thing about this movie is that at one point a dude reveals he's got an umbrella that shoots batarangs and i was like "shit yeah"

and then like two minutes later he reveals he has an army that has a bunch of umbrellas that shoot batarangs and i was like "goddamn"

and then like ninety seconds after that everyone flips their umbrella over, sits in it, grabs a second one so that they're cocooned, and then they launch themselves into a city like human fucking beyblades and i was like "oh right zhang yimou is the greatest director of all time"

Opens as very stylized (and surprisingly funny) royal palace intrigue, complete with multiple layers of scheming, betrayal and decoys before transitioning into full-tilt bloody wuxia. Action isn't quite as big as Hero or as felt as House of the Flying Daggers but Zhang Yimou makes up for it by deploying his usual choreographed pageantry with more gore than ever. There's enough bone-crunching and throat-slitting in the final half hour to nearly render it gross-out horror, especially with skin and blood registering even more in this monochromatic universe. Also features the best umbrella combat of all time. Straight up cackled at the soon-to-be iconic army of spinning Beyblade bros coming over the horizon line.

There’s one moment in this movie that was so badass I actually screamed out “FUCK YEAH” so loud I was worried for a second I woke up the baby. Also this summer’s hottest fashion accessory is an umbrella comprised entirely of deadly knives.

Heavy sabre...razorblade umbrella...always you wrestle inside me.

If American modern action movies tried to look half as good as this, we would be in a much better place.

This should honestly be in every multiplex, so our fellow ordinary citizens can learn how to win a war entirely through political subterfuge and Trojan horse tactics, as I do each time I see this film

Rain has never been so compelling and therapeutic. This is a painting come to life. Mesmerizing in its poetic movements and really respectable in its design and careful choreography. The narrative can be a bit messy and sometimes too chaotic for its own good, but this project excels as a visual feast, as well as something thoughtful and gentle in execution.

programmed a late-night screening of this at work tonight and had an incredible turnout and reaction to it. because i was working i didn’t get to watch the whole thing but i did get to catch the bit where the dude gets power-kicked in the gut across the giant wooden yin yang and is gored by a stray splinter sticking out of it which was created by his own bladed umbrella so im logging it anyway. total banger

the visuals and action were absolutely outstanding but the story takes a while to become even somewhat interesting

After all the old-guy's-lost-it talk that greeted The Great Wall—a film I nonetheless found underrated and misunderstood—Zhang drops by with a friendly reminder that he's still better at this sort of thing than anyone. Wasn't prepared for how much of the film would be palace intrigue rather than Hero-style action, but Zhang handles everything with a clarity and fluidity that few directors could master. Kills me, in retrospect, that we didn't do a Next Picture Show pairing of this and Kagemusha, two grand-scale historical dramas about doubles.