This movie is accidentally about Francois, a psychopath rizzler who loves his wife but also finds a companion psycho to fall in love with. I’m assuming Francois is a psychopath because the only other explanation for his behavior would place him on the autistic spectrum. He expects the women to be cool with him fking them both. In an effort to convert his wife to polygamy, he compares their family to an apple tree:
You and I and the kids,…
Beneath Lily Rose’s orgasms and bruised knees, there is a vampire story if you watch closely.
Got that Super Soaker
Pussy pop like Cola Coca
Plus it's tighter than a choker
Got him smilin' like the Joker
Got that ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne
Little Mermaid on my linen
When yo mama sleepin'
You can call me and get all up in it
Bank rolls
Get me all them pretty furs
Cause my pussy game cold
When he hit it he say burr
He say b-b-b-b-bur
I'ma I'ma marry her
And he p-lay with that purr (pearl)
I thought this was bullshit sad-porn 0/5 until I Wiki’d the Von Erichs. Whoever cursed this family is a powerful mage.
Contains my hit-list of movie dislikes: training montages, singing, dancing and sex scenes.
Zac Efron acts his ass off, but I am distracted by his orange, granite head and Maura Tierney again plays the default mom who physically cannot close her lips.
Powerful acting and a literal unbelievable story isn’t enough to make Iron Claw any less boring but I’m glad this movie made me Wiki the Von Erichs.
What makes a movie good: Avatar’s color palette? Blade Runner’s IMAX experience? Interstellar’s sound design? Oceans’s ensemble cast?
How about a 1.19:1 black and white film where you can’t hear shit, often can’t see shit, and the soundtrack is an old man’s farts and a young man’s disturbing masturbation.
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