Favorite films

Recent reviews

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  Bezos 2023

  ½ Watched 18 Jul 2023 5

  Bezos: A Bezos Story features:

  
  - The same quality of dialogue as a school play (and I’m not talking high school, either).

  - A bald actor playing Jeff Bezos, which seems like a logical decision except Bezos: A Bezos Story takes place before Jeff Bezos went bald, so actor Armando Gutierrez just has this hideous, fake-looking toupee dangling over his scalp in every scene. Why make such a bizarrely counterintuitive casting decision, especially since Gutierrez is giving easily the worst…

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  Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny 2023

  ★★½ Watched 12 Jul 2023 3

  A high-stakes, globetrotting swashbuckler starring an octogenarian who spends most of the runtime acting as a grumpy travel guide because he can barely jog (let alone do any of his own stunts) featuring sluggish, perfunctory setpieces lacking any escalation or narrative momentum with zero sense of divine spiritual terror and a dull colour palette that swathes each exotic new location in the same interchangeably murky beige/brown haze. And it was a massive flop, you say?

  Okay, to be fair Indiana…

Popular reviews

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  Airplane Mode 2019

  ½ Watched 17 Aug 2019 16

  Things that are apparently hilarious according to this film:

  - Incest
  - Termites humping (no really)
  - A plane flying in and out of a vaginal looking cloud
  - People throwing up into each other's mouths
  - The gays (did you know they like sex with men? hilarious!)
  - S C R E A M I N G
  - Referencing memes from ten years ago (somebody shows up to say "Leave Britney alone!" and the "Hide yo kids, hide yo…

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  Money Plane 2020

  ½ Watched 25 Aug 2020 4

  Six Reasons why Money Plane Deserves a Criterion Release:

  
  #1. You get to hear paid actors say the phrase “money plane”.
  #2. Pasha Patriki’s excellent cinematography, lovingly crafted using the best stock footage available for $2.99 on a website somewhere.
  #3. It features Kelsey Grammar in his finest role to date – his immortal turn as Darius Emmanuel Grouch the 3rd (also known as "the rumble" to his friends) – CEO of RumbleCorp and, as he refers to himself at…

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