Y’all remember watching beheadings in the lunchroom? This is like the OG version of that, I think. I’ve cried only thrice while watching movies: Pokémon 1, Space Chimps, and Life is Beautiful. Transformers the movie does not join that list, despite Optimus Prime fucking dying. Yeah, I didn’t put a spoiler warning up! Fuck you! And fuck me🤪. This is movie is simply peak when it comes to being the most awesome thing ever, and then it’s boring for like…
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The House by the Cemetery 1981
So I thought that I had conquered my fears and I could watch horror movies because Scream and Cannibal Holocaust and Slaughtered Vomit Dolls and Freddy’s Fridays and The Scooby-Doo Project, and The Mask (1950ish) didn’t scare me so obviously some random ass D-Movie from the early 80’s surely wouldn’t be frightening in the slightest. I was so fucking wrong! This movie’s creature was legitimately. This is the them behind GoySlop talking right now (I escaped) and just throwing it out…
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The Princess and the Frog 2009
In my younger years in grade school I was very dumb. At that point I was still listening to the government propaganda like the food pyramid, wear a seatbelt, etc. I hadn’t been radicalized by vine. Regardless, one day I had this awakening after taking a dump in the bathroom (for those interested, I dropped a Pringle can sized log in that toilet. I kid thee not, that poop was verbatim the size of a Pringle's can. My jaw was…
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The Incredibles 2004
God (Satan) has spoken and blessed (cursed) us with this film. What can I say? This movie is Incredible!! See what I did there? I said the movie name (kind of). A core movie, if you will, that’s fun and mature and great for all-ages.
I wish I had super powers so I could k!ll Travis (this is a threat, sorry) and please Amanda (make my boing-boing stretch and squash if you catch my drift).
Bob: Helen, bilbo form! NOW!…
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