Those who write film reviews like they’re an X/Twitter post should shampoo my crotch.
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All the Creatures Were Stirring 2018
I loved it as an anthology. As an intersecting, intertwined anthology, I still don't get it.
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Black Friday 2021
As the sun sets on brick and mortar retail, those committed to keeping it on life support deserve their heroic moment even if it is a nonsensical Zombalien one.
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A Christmas Carol 1999
This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
Part of You Only Need A Few Christmas Carols...
Patrick Stewart gives what nobody else can: Subtlety.
Nearly every film adaptation of A Christmas Carol misses the mark when it comes to the transition of Ebeneezer Scrooge. They portray Scrooge with extreme hatred of pretty much everything Christmas and human. His conversion shifts to the opposite extreme so suddenly that he ends up being a caricature. What's more, nobody seems disturbed by it, making the change all the more difficult…
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Abigail 2024
A cliché of criminal specialties meets a not so clichéd blood sucker while Berrera and Newton cement their place in the scream queen walk of fame. Try not to think about the outrageous amount of planning that had to happen just to get this girl some dinner.
Also, what's up with the trend of psychotic ballerinas? I think I'll skip The Nutcracker this year.
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