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The Room Next Door 2024
Tilda Swinton yet again WOWS as Tilda Swinton. Sad to see her die from cancer, happy to see her born again, this time as an autistic lesbian. Tilda Swinton proves that she can’t do anything normal, including sitting on a chair. Almodóvar has a way of making its seem like there are only 6 colors in the world, and I prefer it that way. The gym scene was unnecessary, the cheap nods to famous painting a bit on the nose.…
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Wild at Heart 1990
Someone get Laura Dern some dandruff shampoo her scalps itches! Or maybe they didn’t have bobby pins in the budget and the wigs were all too loose. She obviously went to the kyunt school of prowling in a convertible, got her master’s in working a red lip and a minor in lying in bed in her lingerie. This movie taught me I’d fuck a man with meth teeth as long as he was Willem Dafoe. Who is Nicolas Cage? Was…
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The Summer with Carmen 2023
The main character was too hot for me to feel any sympathy. But alas, I’m hoping him and his new hubby are happy together, maybe they can start renovating houses publicly on instagram? Maybe they can find a third at Horse Mear Disco and both secretly hook up with him on the low? If you have to describe a joke it’s likely not funny and if you need to describe the lesson of your story it’s likely not compelling.
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Nosferatu 2024
Gawky European men (with rotting flesh) are IN for 2025. Nosferatu? More like please put Count Orlak’s Nose in my Furry Baboo. BRING BACK GROSS SEX! Willem Dafoe in his element! Lily Rose Depp finally fighting the Olivia Cooke allegations! Art can be silly! So good I forgave that one line about Sir Isaac Newton.
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