I relate to Mishima. I want to live in ways that aren't good but are good-looking. I want to destroy myself or be destroyed in a fight for meaning. I want to be seen. I don't want it to all be for nothing. I grapple with these feelings quietly, as I suspect many of us do.
There is little beauty in a modern life, meaninglessness is ugly, and here is an ironic contradiction: if you try to find meaning by…
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Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters 1985
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