it's like Kylo Ren's teen years but told from the viewpoint of Harry Potter: who was dumped when Ginny realised she was Too Good for him.

So Harry's pining for Kylo Ren's cousin or some shit, while Kylo Ren gets married to someone else's girlfriend.

Also: Harry Potter gets punched in the nose.

spy husbands fuck shit up while trying to impress their Domme girlfriend that's it. that's the movie.

my raging boner couldn't be contained even in the loosest pair of pants i own

Have you ever watched a film that was the physical embodiment of the fire emoji? Do you WANT to?

Fucking watch this film.

Honestly, at some point I think I fell unconscious because all the blood that had previously been racing through my body made its way to my huge raging boner, thus obscuring my view (and the peoples' behind me) of the film.

Honestly, if you want a killer boner and to watch a 2-hour-long fire emoji then this is the film for you.