kaden schwertner

kaden schwertner Patron

Favorite films

  • Oldboy
  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  • Everything Everywhere All at Once
  • The Shining

Recent activity

All
  • Men

    ★★★★

  • The Exorcist: Believer

  • Strange Darling

    ★★★½

  • Heretic

    ★★★

Recent reviews

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  • Men

    Men

    ★★★★

    The Horror of Guilt.

    “You will not replace us.”

    Alex Garland’s Men is a hypnotic descent into psychological horror, blending folklore, surrealism, and existential dread into a film that lingers long after the credits roll. Jessie Buckley delivers a haunting performance as Harper, a woman seeking solace from past trauma, only to be confronted by an escalating nightmare of isolation and male aggression. Garland’s direction is both intimate and unnerving, using eerie visuals and an unsettling soundscape to craft a…

  • The Exorcist: Believer

    The Exorcist: Believer

    The Wokercist: Believer

    The Exorcist: Believer is a baffling misfire that fundamentally misunderstands what made the original a horror classic. Instead of genuine terror and theological dread, we get a clumsy, modernized retread that prioritizes shallow social commentary over atmosphere and suspense.

    The film’s handling of legacy characters is particularly frustrating—Ellen Burstyn’s Chris MacNeil is sidelined with a ridiculous excuse, reduced to a token presence in a story that has no real use for her. The horror elements feel uninspired,…

Popular reviews

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  • Imaginary

    Imaginary

    ½

    i havent seen this movie yet but i bet i could predict each major plot point only by reading what it's about.

    (this movie is ass)

  • Fantastic Mr. Fox

    Fantastic Mr. Fox

    ★★★★½

    I went into Fantastic Mr. Fox expecting a fun, quirky caper, but man, there is so much more going on here than I realized. This isn’t just a clever little heist movie—it’s a surprisingly deep story about pride, contentment, and figuring out what really matters. Mr. Fox’s whole arc, where he keeps chasing bigger and better things only to realize that maybe what he had was enough all along? That hits harder than I expected.

    It’s got some powerful metaphors…

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